My Coaching Journey

A few years ago, on a mildly infuriating day, I was offered the proverbial corporate carrot. It was a normal day, when frustrations and disappointments were bubbling over the top, when I was told that my company was facilitating coaching for women leaders. But of course, it was the carrot and there were other more important leaders ahead of me and I had to bide my time and wait for my turn (which would probably take a few years perhaps!).

I did what I usually do, I went back and researched a bit about the concept of coaching. Now, mentoring was something I was aware of (and a big believer in). I owe a lot of my technical knowledge and career to my generous mentors. But the concept of coaching was new to me. One of my mentors used to advise me all the time to “own my career”, so I went ahead paid for myself and enrolled with the same company that I had heard about. After skimming through the profiles of the available coaches, I picked one that felt just right. Surprisingly, the coach was not a woman, not from my industry and had nothing to do with my domain of expertise at all!

The first few sessions went well, with us talking about my background, my challenges and my goals, it was all easy-peasy. This part came easy to me as I had done this with all my mentors at various stages of my career. But the next session, after I had outlined my current challenge and the one problem that took up all my time, my coach put his pen down, and asked “Ok, how do you want to approach this problem and solve it?”. I stammered on, thinking, is this not when you suggest solutions that I can shoot down. Now is your cue to give me a perspective that I should see this situation in. He understood my confusion and he said something to the effect of, “I am your coach, I will help you compartmentalize your thoughts and nudge you towards your goals, but don’t expect solutions from me”. That session opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me. At first, I was confused, then I was overwhelmed but eventually, I understood the obvious - it was my problem that needed solving and my solution would be the best fit. It was a nudge that I needed and needed it desperately.

The tasks he set for me next had nothing to do with my career or my skills, but they were very basic exercises to understand my own needs, my values and my purpose. As we waded through the myriad challenges of ups and downs in day to day work, we spoke of the feelings of accomplishment and of absolute dejection. We discussed about the accolades that did not seem like it and the failures which were not mine alone. But in each case, we discussed my perceptions in each scenario and how they were impacting my decisions.

Over the next few months, probably more than a year of my coaching journey, it was very clear to me what the source of my unhappiness was. We discussed this and to his credit, he never endorsed it nor did he challenge it. He coached me through my journey of self-discovery but never once suggested what the solution was or judged me. He coached me to relate my day-to-day activities to my purpose and to my overarching life goals.

It was not always stars and halos, some of these sessions were draining (I am sure for both of us, but I never heard him complain). I did not come out of all the sessions an enlightened person! Some of the sessions left me frustrated or confused for days together. My unwillingness to do anything to get out of my comfort zone at the same time realizing the futility of my resistance was nerve racking. Eventually, it turned out to be a wait for an opportunity for a change that was inevitable. When the opportunity presented itself, my coach had prepared me to take it and to do so confidently. The decision making no longer was daunting, but a logical conclusion to the discussions/reflections in months of these coaching sessions. In the end, each of these sessions led me onto a path of self-realization and that much closer to being at peace.

When I finally made the decision that was in line with my values and needs, my greatest cheerleader was my coach. That was the probably, the only time I went fully prepared with all the pros and cons (written down no less!!) and all arguments and counter arguments at the tip of my tongue, but that was the one time he openly said “go for it” and not “what do you think?”?:) For that I am ever grateful to my coach Pradeep Sarin

I would like to leave you with a few thoughts. Overcome the inner voice that is full of doubt and is very self-limiting. Find someone who can show the mirror, to remind you of what you are, what you are not and what you want. Domain, age, industry or gender match is a myth when it comes to coaching - go with someone who feels right. Embark on that journey and blossom!