My Child Needs Help. Where Do I Start?
Jeff Miner, LPC, M.Ed.
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Parents are expressing concerns for their children right now.?Their children are struggling in many different ways.?
?I am here to tell you that the challenges our kids are facing are not normal. It’s completely understandable why they are struggling.?Everything has changed and continues to change.?Kids don’t know if they are going to school, staying home and doing it remotely, wearing masks, not wearing masks.?Our children are learning no sense of normalcy or stability.?This has major effects on their emotional state.??
When you notice any of the behaviors above or any new behavior that doesn’t seem to be positive, what should you as a parent do about it??
First, and foremost, you should LISTEN to what your child is telling you about how they are feeling and how they are interpreting those feelings. The best way to do that is to use?active listening skills to help them express what they are feeling. Listening in an empathetic, non-judgemental way will help them to feel connected to you. This can go a long way in boosting their mental health.
However, if your child is unwilling or unable to communicate their thoughts and feelings to you, or the behaviors seem extreme, then you will need to seek professional help.?
The mental health arena isn't an easy industry to navigate, so here are a few of my thoughts that may guide you along the way.?
?In my professional experience, the best place to start is with a psychotherapist (Talk Therapist), rather than a psychiatrist or psychologist.? As I mentioned in?my previous article,?these two professionals don’t typically provide psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is the least invasive way to deal with emotional challenges, which makes it a good starting point. These types of therapists are also trained to assess the situation and recommend additional services that may be needed, such as psychiatry, testing, or a specialty area in therapy or coaching.?????
?Things to consider:?
?Do I want my child to receive a mental health diagnosis??Even though the stigma of acknowledging and getting mental health help has been reduced, there are still some issues with getting a “mental illness” diagnosis. That diagnosis will remain with them and could affect their ability to get into the military or other government jobs. I’m not saying it’s good or bad, but just something to consider.
If you want to avoid a diagnosis, you will most likely have to pay out-of-pocket rather than going through your insurance. There are many therapists that do not bill insurance. They can provide you with the documentation needed to submit, along with your claim to your insurance on your own. You would need to contact your insurance company to verify the correct forms, information needed, and the particulars on their claims process. Many will reimburse you at their out of network rates.
If you decide to use insurance to pay for the visits, they will need to see someone that is in your network or that can bill out of network.?
?In what area(s) is my child struggling??Determine to the best of your abilities (and by knowing your child), what seems to be the area they are struggling in:
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?Once you have identified a specialty area, refer to?Psychology Today?to find a therapist in your area that meets your needs.?It is a great resource because of the many filters you can apply to your search such as gender, issue, location, age, type of therapy, etc.?
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Finding a Psychotherapist?
?Finding the right therapist is not a “one and done” situation. One of the most important aspects of the therapeutic process is the rapport between your child and the therapist. It’s likely you and your child will need to meet with several before deciding.?
Ask people you trust for a referral. ?This is a great place to start, but don't feel like you have to stick with a therapist just because your neighbor had great success. It's more important that your child feels comfortable and their personality styles match.
Use online resources. Research and narrow the choices down to 5-6?that you like from the information from their profiles. Then talk with your child about what a therapist is and what they do and how they can help with the challenges that they are struggling with.??
Engage your child in the process of finding someone that would be a good fit.?Have them read their profiles and decide which ones might they would like to start with. Schedule a consultation to meet with them for a 20 min interview to see if they are a good fit.?
?Bring a list of questions you and your child may have. This is the opportunity to interview the therapist to see what their therapeutic process looks like, the type of therapy they may be using, their personality, and how they engage with your child.??
After meeting with your top picks, you should come away with a pretty good idea of which one would be the best fit. If not, continue your search.?
Once you have found the therapist, what should your role be during the therapeutic process? My next article will address this topic.??
In the meantime.?Listen, to your children.?They most likely want to talk to you without being judged or fixed or told they are wrong.?They just need to be heard and unconditionally loved.???