My Business has Stolen My Life

Have you ever experience that moment where owning a business is no longer fun? It has sucked every last bit of energy out of you. You, your friends and your family, no longer recognise who you are - your business has stolen your life. It can all start to change by asking one simple question...

Who are you?

It is a question you may find hard to answer.

The typical response I get to this question when coaching is a list of what somebody does, rather than who they are. I am a parent, a husband, a mortgage broker, a swimmer, a volunteer etc.

On fewer occasions I hear people explain who they are through their values, beliefs and world views. I am compassionate, hard-working, experienced, outgoing, resilient etc.

When it comes to your self-identity it is important to know the difference between who you are, and what you do.

I have seen business owners fall into the trap of associating their identity and self-worth with the success of their business, rather then the attitude and reasons why they are in business.

If your self-worth is linked to what you do, you will ride the ups and downs of things beyond your control and become exhausted with the constant chaos of challenges and change. However, if your self-worth is linked to who you are, you can take your best self to work each day and face the challenges and chaos without it controlling you.

It is the difference between being able to say at the end of a bad day, I failed, rather than I am a failure. Own who you are, and not what you do.

You are not your business.

When you are a business owner, it is quite easy to mistake the identity of your business with your own identity.

It is vital for your sanity, that you recognize early that you are not your business. Your business is its own separate entity with its very own distinct identity.

I once heard it described that starting a business is like having a child.

As a newborn, a baby has no sense of itself as an individual. It thinks that the two of you are one. It does not even recognize that it’s tiny hands and feet moving around are its own.

Over time though, the child develops physically and mentally and begin to slowly work out that it is its own little person.

It is then the role of the parent to nurture, lead, teach and mentor that child to grow into a self-dependent adult that can contribute back to the world. Yes, occasionally that child may hit chaos in life and return home for some attention for a season, however, successful parenting results in a mature self-reliant adult.

This is the same for your business.

When you first start out, it can be exceedingly difficult to identify what is you and what is your business. However, with some growth and nurturing, your relationship with your business should turn into one of a parent and child.

It is then your role to support and develop that child to become a mature, self-reliant adult that has its own identity – and start contributing back to you.

Understanding this relationship will allow you to avoid the pitfalls of perfectionism or developing a business that may not quite live up to the high standards that you have for yourself as an individual but will deliver value to your customers and yourself alike.

If your child during a bike lesson was to fall off their bike, you do not take it personally as your own failure, but the incident is approached with care, patience and encouragement to try again.

This is also true for when your business fails. A poor customer service experience, or not meeting a deadline should not be taken personally. It is just an opportunity to bring your own identity, values and expertise to your business to help encourage it to try again – taking all the care and patience you would with a child.

Conclusion

A mature and successful business is the one who eventually can operate without you and gives back to your life. A distinct separate entity, that you gave of yourself to, but not does not own you or become your life. A separate entity that gives back to you and enhances your life.

I will leave you with these questions. Where are you getting your identity and self-worth from? Is it from within, or from without? Are you taking who you are into your daily circumstances, or are your daily circumstances dictating to you who you are?

Take some time out to better understand who you are and protect and guard your own self-worth. Then from a position of strength, step into your business and give your baby the care, love and support it needs to flourish.

Grow-Adapt-Win

Andrew