My business has made almost zero revenue for the past eight years

Sharing honestly about my deepest inner struggle and how Italy has given me the final boost

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Pfew…so I’ve said it. I have wanted to shout this from the roof for years, but I didn’t have the courage or was advised not to do so. ?

Today is the day. And yes, it relates to my move to Italy. Bear with me, please.

What I am going to share is probably a suicide note for my business. Perhaps this is a bit strong, but sharing about years of struggle without a solid success story is not a good marketing strategy.

In my case, anyone I meet assumes I run a good business. Not because I brag about it, on the contrary, it is an assumption without questions asked. I learned that this is what I must be radiating: self-confident and natural strength. Sounds like an easy game, then, to build a business?

Well, my last eight years were an immense painful struggle. ?

This is how it went, roughly: many dark nights, crying, feeling frustrated, complaining, and feeling sorry for myself. This was alternated with a daily excitement to get behind my laptop, scribble down a new approach or continue with what I was doing.

What I was trying to achieve felt really good. The absence of any result made me go under again. I was frustrated but never tired or worn out!

I can honestly say, I have looked at every detail in my life. Reflected, learned, released, felt more liberated with each growth. But on the outside, business wise, nothing worked! I even considered leaving my partner if that would give me the breakthrough. Was my partner the distraction, the fake safe heaven that was blocking me unconsciously?

Let me share with you my journey. It all makes sense now, although the 'business' proof is not there yet!

I am a coach/teacher

I started with coaching. Just when I finished my certification, the first clients rolled in. With some the coaching felt natural, with others, I didn’t feel I was able to provide good support. In short: the business wasn’t really bad, but I wasn’t convinced at all about my role. I kept hearing myself saying: I am a sort of coach... or …I believe more in self-coaching, perhaps I am more a teacher… I was so incredibly vague about my business.

I jumped on the first wave of online education in 2018 and started to make a course so people could learn themselves to become more self-reflective and aware. Long story short, my teachings felt theoretical and not authentic. The recording part was the challenge: talking to a camera without anyone interacting didn’t motivate me at all. The tech part was another challenge. Automated salesfunnels were a new thing, I never got that far. 2020 Should have been given me huge opportunities to grow with online education, instead, I changed my path.

I am a writer

In 2021 I dedicated all my time to my first book Once I had the structure of the book, which took me about 5 months, writing became my daily joy! However, when I was not writing, I was struggling with the big changes we all went through (in our own way) since 2020.

Proudly I published my book end 2021. Now what? The content of the book felt really good, and still does, but I felt hesistant to market it. Recently I realised why. Since the start of Covid, I felt the need to speak up, ask questions and share my view on what was happening. This resulted in waves of criticism in almost all my relationships. For most of them my book was too intense and perhaps also too provocative. In the past I have had some ?fear to be criticised, but now the seed had really grown.

For the last 2 years, I kept quite quiet. I never felt an activist, I wasn’t part of any like minded group, I felt alone, and now even more confused about my role in a world that is so divided and in chaos. Writing more books didn’t feel as the solution, I realized I missed the interaction and didn’t feel like working alone again.

Building the Freedom Blueprint app

Yes, I am easy or driven (you tell me ;-) when it comes down to buying another course or solution. I hired a creatives and together we tried to put the insights of my book into learnings and inspirations in an app. Remember, I was all about self-coaching, right?

Making a good course in an app form is a skill I haven’t developed.

With this new move, I realised that I kept changing my proposition: who am I targeting, what is my message? Now I know that I was focussed on the wrong target group all along. At the time I didn’t realize that (more about that later). Anyway, you already guessed it by now: the idea of the app died as well.

Let’s do something very different: high ticket affiliate marketing

Water, money and awareness were the new subjects. My sweet spot! And with this affiliate set up came a team and a great business format to share my solution to empower people. For more than a year I was so happy to be part of a well motivated and supportive team. I learned new (online) strategies, I made masterclasses, I showed up daily. I run some ad campaigns. I gave it my absolute best! All my colleagues thought highly of my potential to get this running: nothing happened, not even a little traction, practically nothing.

As a side note to those who judge affiliate marketing: I think it is one of the great ideas of recent times: an opportunity for anyone to start a business as a marketeer/seller. Marketing budgets of millions of dollars shared with only a few companies, are now shared amongst many individuals. The majority are not scams or pyramid schemes, but market disruptors just like Uber or Airbnb.

I absolute LOVED the product I invested in - every day I am grateful for the water I drink - but something was missing. I tried but I couldn’t weave in ‘how to be of service in my natural way’ and what I am passionate about. Meanwhile:

I spontaneously moved to Italy and now what?

I had no plan. My affiliate business kind of faded out naturally. A new opportunity came my way: a new healing device that really does wonders. Again I saw the business opportunity and decided to give it some of my time. Meanwhile, the role of being coach again had grown. But how? How to mix everything? There was so much I can offer.

And that was when I realised what I had missed all along. I don’t want to work with products or ideas of someone else, solely. At the core of what I do, I need to work with something I create myself. It can be a coaching format, a new product, a service idea, a retreat center…

With my move to Italy, I also cut off the option to network or work offline and in person. The language is a big showstopper. Interesting, isn’t it, how I created this situation for myself.

As chaotic as my past years have been, in 2024 I started to connect the dots of my journey.

This is what I’ve learned:

• Blockchain came back into my life: in 2016, I spent two years in a new organizational paradigm thinking and it had shown me how we can change our ways of working and collaborating. And today, completely new eco-systems are being built. I am excited to have become part of brand new start-ups as an investor. I also see it has resulted in many young millionaires, financially successful but they miss fullfilment and purpose. I know I will play some role here.
• Healing, frequency, water, metaphysics are foundational elements for me, they keep coming back in various solutions with new scientific insights.
• Writing is my way to express myself and organize my creative and scattered brain.
• The wisdom of the Gene Keys has been my solid support for self-reflecting and contemplation.
• My commitment has never faded one bit, now I need to stay consistent in following my excitement, no matter how weird it looks from the outside or from a business perspective.
• You can put me in front of anyone as long as there is 100% openness and curiosity to learn more about one’s inner self in ALL aspects of life. I learned that my target group needs to have done quite some level of inner work.
• I am not here to create a niche for myself in one area: my niche is your transformation, you define where to start and I make sure we touch all areas in your life for a complete upgrade. I finally created my own framework that will provide structure for guiding others.

Two months ago, I hired a coach myself. I had done so much inner work, I needed an objective perspective: what was I not seeing, how am I blocking myself from getting out there to grow my business, and how am I positioning myself? It was very insightful in the little nuances, the refinement, the confirmation.

My biggest insights were: I have felt unsafe and unsupported in my close relationships, and I can be too tolerant, too open in my desire to help everyone. This is not ‘their fault’. I am talking about dynamics here, very subtle, and I can feel now how I created these dynamics myself. In my business I did the ?same. By becoming clear what I stand for, what I am here to give, and whom I desire to work with, I automatically set the boundaries for my tolerance and I no longer need someone else’s support.

In these last 2 months, I have gone through an upgrade myself. I feel so different: calm, full of trust, solid, soft and excited. Almost as if I am back in my twenties and just finished university to start my new career. And of course, lots to do, lots to learn, lots to explore…but these are all practical things.

Here I am, at the end of 2024. I am a coach! Full circle.

And where does Italy come in?

Italy has given me the silence, the alone time, the simplicity, the grounding, to release whatever I needed to let go of. I think the gem has been in the fact that I had no expectation, no planning when I moved here. Everything was new and open. A blank sheet.

Yes, the plans for renovation are ready, and I feel it will be a sanctuary as well, but somehow, I don’t feel the urge to push it. I know it will come in due time. That can be tomorrow or next year. Once the inner impulse is there, it will be done smoothly. Apparently, I first I had to do this inner work and complete this circle.

It is said: when the student is ready, the teacher appears! Equally true: when the teacher is ready, the student appears. We will find each other, no marketing methods needed.

‘Simplicity is solved complexity’ has always been my slogan and that is exactly what Italy has given me.

Follow along in this blog to read about my weekly updates, surprises, joy, fun facts and challenges as I navigate this unexpected project building a family home and a business sanctuary in Italy.