My Boss Can't Stand Me

Boss-employee relations can be a volatile area, with research showing that one in two US workers have at some point left their job purely because they did not get on with their manager.

The answer to this difficulty, according to US authors and leadership experts Jay A. Conger and Allan H. Church, is to recognise the problem early on, and take immediate steps to rectify it.

Writing recently in the Harvard Business Review, Conger and Church maintain acting early is crucial because if you allow your boss’s negative perception to proliferate, it can soon become completely entrenched.

This negative perception will also make it much harder for your boss to see the good work that you do, meaning things can quickly go from bad to worse.  

In the worst-case scenario, the problem can even lead to termination and subsequent erosion of your career, the authors say.

The answer, they say, is to pick up on the warning signs as they occur.

One example could be that your boss begins to put in a lot of extra time and effort into explaining what you need to do, because of their loss in confidence in you.

If this happens, step in immediately by asking them what it is you may have done (or not done), and what you can do to make it up to them.

Don’t forget to ask for specific details and always remember to listen carefully to what your boss has to say at all times.

After finding out what the problem is, ensure you adjust your workload and behaviour to address it, while also making sure your boss knows you have done so.

This should help stem the negative perceptions early on, and most importantly, while you are still in what the authors call ‘the forgiveness zone’.  

Also, by understanding your boss’s priorities - and which one of his or her ‘hot buttons’ you have unintentionally pressed - the path to forgiveness and normality should become much easier to navigate.

There could be many reasons why your ‘stock’ within the organisation has dropped so low.

It could be you failed to provide something your boss has placed great store on, for example, arriving late at a meeting with no good excuse, or not fulfilling a sales expectation.

Whatever the reason, it is important to zero in on exactly what the problem is and take immediate and definite steps to rectify it.

Observing your boss’s ‘non-verbal’ cues is another good way to identify the source of their displeasure.  

You could try studying their reactions in meetings, for example, or find out what annoys them and what makes them happy when dealing with staff.

Another good tip is to ask your boss’s former direct reports what they think of your boss and what really irks them, as they are probably the best people to know these details.

Also, asking your boss at the end of each meeting what they thought of your performance can be another good way to help win over the boss who doesn’t seem to like you.

Of course, understanding your boss is essential, and the only way to do that is through sharp and focused observation and a keen interest in how they conduct themselves.

Then once you understand exactly what ‘makes your boss tick’, you should be able to step in well before the onset of any negativity.

Also, should any negativity creep in once again, the above points should help to get you back on the road to recovery and into the boss’s good books.