My black child's life matters.

I am a mother of a beautiful two year old black boy. I'm hugging him a little tighter than normal lately. The images of what happened to George Floyd, saying 'I can't breathe' as a white police officer's knee presses down on his neck, and calling for his Mama in his final moments of life, are more than any human can bear to hear but especially for a mother raising a black boy.

There are so many childhood developments that I look forward to as I watch my son grow with each passing day and become more independent. First words. First steps. Learning his colors. Potty training. Riding a bike. I recently cried when my husband and I turned his crib into a toddler bed. Small developments and milestones, but evidence of how fast he is growing and how independent he is becoming. There is a milestone I am not looking forward to, and that is the conversation about how to comply with a police officer in the event you are pulled over, even when the police officer is wrong. Because that is what his survival will depend on because of the color of his skin. My worry is part of his survival. But I have to worry in an added way with these recent events. What happens when you DO comply, but it's not enough? What happens if his life is still deemed meaningless and dispensable? That is a question that I do not have the answer to. As a mother it breaks my heart.

Straight Outta Gary, IN

My husband and I recently moved to the suburbs of north Dallas from Gary, IN to provide a better life for our son. We both grew up in the "hood" through our adult life. Though I appreciate all of the hard lessons growing up in Gary taught us, after having our son, we decided that raising a black child in an economically depressed area wasn't what we wanted for him. We were blessed to have the opportunity to relocate and provide him the vast opportunities that we did not have growing up. As we built our checklist of items we considered priority for our new life in Texas, diversity in childcare facilities, as it relates to teachers and diverse enrollment of children, was extremely important to us. I wanted teachers that looked like my son for relatability, but also teachers and students that were ethnically diverse so he can learn to see a variety of people, be comfortable with non-black people, and embrace everyone as equal. While that is important in our household, I realize that other families don't hold this same value as centrally.

As young as two years old, my son experienced what it feels like to be targeted because of the color of his skin. When first enrolled into his current childcare, he was one of two black children with eight other white children in the class. He was a few months from turning two years old and the class ahead of him was significantly more diverse with equal amounts of students from white, black, hispanic, and asian families. The other black girl in his original class turned two before him and moved into the class ahead leaving my son to temporarily be the only black child in the class. As innocent as children are at that age, one white child began to target my son each day and antagonize him constantly. He pushed him and hit him regularly because he looked different from the other children. Initially the teacher evaluated this as "kids being kids". I had to speak to the teacher/administration, and the other child's parents, until we all realized my son was being targeted because of his skin color. Racially motivated discrimination doesn’t have to be on purpose, or conscious. It may not even come from the parents, though they should do something about it.  

As adults we are sensitive to the physical differences that define ethnic groups, however, even as early as two years old, children can prefer "own-race faces" and become sensitive to and react to ethnic differences in ways that impact themselves and others. It was a wake-up call to the white child's parents. They realized their child had never been around or even exposed to anyone who was not white, be it family, people on television, characters in toys and books, etc. When my son moved to the more diverse two-year old class, it was interesting how all the kids were inclusive of each other. The daily picking-on and bullying had entirely ceased. The innocence of children is innate. However, as parents, it's our responsibility to instill the values of love, equality, and educating and exposing our children to diversity. Racism is a learned behavior. The learning and teachings must begin at home, even for parents who don’t see themselves as racist. We have to reach deeper and actively teach our kids.

How do I know if I need to talk to my children about race as a non-black?  

Conversations about race have to start at your own kitchen table—not just for the parents of black children, but everyone. I know that these conversations about race are not pretty or comfortable. But you have to have them early. If you are non-black, I realize that it may be hard. You may not know where to start, or how to know if you need to start. 

As an ally, ask yourself these questions:

• When was the last time you had a Black person in your home?
• When was the last time someone knocked on your door who is Black who wasn’t delivering something to you?
• When was the last time you read a book or watched a movie with your kids that had characters that weren’t all white?
• Outside of your immediate family, are you exposing your child to a diversity of friends, media, and social activities?

The call to action for my friend's that are ally's are not just to go to your black friends and hear their perspectives or reach out to find some sense of comfort to ease your sense of helplessness right now to feel that this will help you solve something or gain some understanding... that's not solely what it's about. It's about self-educating certainly, but also purposely bringing more diversity into your everyday life, your kids daily life, and intentionally adjusting and acknowledging how your privilege affects your life and plays a part in acknowledging and correcting racial inequalities in raising the next generation. Yes there are protests occurring right now but consider this....start right now at your own dinner table in your home.

We need to start by healing and acknowledging privilege in our own family at our dinner tables to eliminate any sources of bigotry. Devote yourselves as parents to love others without barriers and set the example to your children that all people are equal regardless of color. Its ok to have these conversations. Yes they are uncomfortable and it will hit you in the pit of your stomach. Yes they will incite emotion. But if it is rooted in love and you provide an open space to express yourself, your kids will be comfortable asking the hard questions openly and we can all begin to deal with this pain. Speak to the topics of bias and bigotry at home first and then devote yourself to love others equally with your kids. Admit you can do better and then take that conscious step to understand and empathize with those who are from underrepresented groups.

Given the recent events around the country, I'd also like to share with you some practical resources that the Parents @ LinkedIn (PAL) have shared to help support discussions with your children about racial related topics/issues. The below image links to a collection of resources that contains suggested Podcasts, Articles, Toys, Books and more.

Say Their Names...

My son is Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, Eric Garner, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd among others. He deserves a chance and his black life matters. Unfortunately for some this is breaking news, but for me, this is life, and unfortunately history is beginning to repeat itself. Prayerfully this will all end peacefully and life will continue, but will the narrative have changed as a result? Will people's actions be a reflection of such? Will I not have to have the conversation with my son on how to comply with the police because he's black for his survival? These are rhetorical questions, but, let that sink in...

Let's all end the virus of hate with the antidote of love. Peace. #blacklivesmatter #ripgeorgefloyd #saytheirnames #inittogether #nomorehashtags