My Bester Friend

What do tumbleweed and a waitress have in common? There is an answer to that question, and the answer is... my best friend Amy (name altered for privacy). We met working at a restaurant, where one day, she rolled in like a wild cactus, totally late for her shift. She wore a triple extra large shirt, male pants, and the shoes she could’ve drowned in. From her hair and makeup, I could tell that she stayed up partying the night before. Without batting an eyelid and thinking no one would notice, she put on her apron and went to serve her station. I approached her and said, “I can still see that! What happened to you?” To which she replied, “Oh, no big deal. I locked myself out and had to borrow my brother’s clothing”. And that is how we became best friends.

We bonded over music and writing (as well as mischief and partying - those were the good old college days). Humor and laughter have always been essential to our friendship, and the bond that keeps getting us through any life situation, whatever world crises, bad breakups, or even disagreements between ourselves.

Needless to say, the adventures we’ve been through over the past 15 years would result in volumes of epic novels. I hope they do get to see the world one day, as Amy happens to be an incredibly talented writer. Her creativity goes beyond short stories and love poems. So far beyond that we even created our own secret language. Some of words from our vocabulary include:

• Bester - better than the best. Example phrase: my bester friend.
• BAGBA - be a good bear. We don’t know why there is an extra “A” at the end, but it just sounds better. The word is an encouragement to be nice and behave.
• TUFBEMUF stands for “thank you for being my friend”, and is a general term that we end all our conversations with.

Amy is the funniest person I’ve ever met, so natural at being a standup comedian that she doesn’t even have to try. She’s got a knack for pointing out the ridiculousness in different situations and diffusing the tension by making fun of herself. She is also known for breaking down all kinds of stereotypes, including gender, racial, cultural and more. It’s like she is the entire SNL cast in one person, and I’ve been lucky to witness it first-hand for a good chunk of my life.

Like every good comedian, Amy’s got a wide range of her own characters. They span from a southern belle with a heavy Texan accent, to a surfer dude with his chill lifestyle, to a Russian oligarch who likes to live large. She uses those characters in prank calls that she has perfected over the years. In one of them, the Russian oligarch calls up fancy nightclubs in Vegas to reserve a VIP table. Those calls usually end with him complaining that their $5,000 bottle service charge is too low, and he’s going to look for a fancier establishment for his money. Other acts include calling up plastic surgery centers, with the immediate need to make Amy’s toes look pretty. Those places are very eager to set up an appointment for such a consultation, as they usually are. Some calls are light-hearted and not so mischievous in nature, like calling up a restaurant to thank the waitress for the EXCEPTIONAL service she has given.

A special talent of Amy is getting out of tickets and fines. One time, she accumulated $400 worth of citations for not paying the toll roads. She was able to convince the customer service that it was actually their fault for putting up confusing signs that led her the wrong direction. The agency ended up apologizing and forgiving her all those charges...

On a different occasion, Amy got pulled over for speeding, and I happened to be her passenger. To add to the trouble, her driver’s license was expired, so naturally I was freaking out. She calmed me down by saying, “Don’t worry. This happens to me all the time”. Then, she told the officer she was in a hurry to get to her hair appointment in order to look pretty for the driver’s license picture she was going to take right after. I couldn’t believe my ears, but the officer showed compassion and let her go.

My friend’s never-ending optimism, creativity, and sense of humor never seize to lift me up. If a minute of laughter adds 5 minutes of life, I have Amy to thank for adding at least 10 years to mine. During the uncertain times we live in, it is important to be able to laugh. One way to do it is watch a comedy show. Another way, which I encourage everyone to explore, is to make friends with someone funny - not only will it change your life, but also that friend will be a phone call away.