My Best Advice: Stop Giving Advice!

Here’s my best relationship communication problem advice: Stop giving advice!

In this article,?find out why?advice-giving can be detrimental. You'll also review?three action tools for better communication?that reveal the mindset great leaders, salespeople, and communicators use to build great relationships.

Why do so many people feel compelled to give advice?

How many of us are unaware of this relationship problem where we share information with good intentions but unknowingly turn people off and away from us???

How do we know when to share what we know and when to just shut up and listen?

Advice Requires Permission (ARP)

Have you ever given someone the best advice and they completely ignored it, OR they got defensive and angry with you? I have! And I now know that when that happens, chances are good that I gave advice without permission.

Giving something not asked for is the?single biggest contributor to building resistance and aggravation in sales, leadership, and family relationships.

At some level, every one of us knows we’re smart, independent, wise, and capable, and when someone tries to tell us what we should do before we’ve asked for their input, it feels like an?insult.?

It discounts our experience, insights, internal wisdom, ability to decide, and natural desire for independence.

While the person offering advice is usually just trying to be helpful, all the receiver hears or thinks (oftentimes unconsciously) is,?“Since you don’t know and are probably not going to figure this out – let wise ole’ me show you the way.” Giving advice without permission is disempowering.

It also shortcircuits the learning process and throws all kinds of resistance, tension, and roadblocks into the relationship.

BOTTOM LINE: Before you give advice, make sure you've been asked.

Lead By Inviting Input and Participation

This tool is a powerful tool. It is the art of seeking to understand the other person's viewpoint, ideas, thoughts, and insights BEFORE you give any advice.

Through the art of asking questions, you develop and strengthen the relationship. By inviting input, you help cultivate a positive sense of self in others.

As you seek to understand the other person’s viewpoint, you empower them and deepen the relationship.

There are usually three reasons why we don't invite others to share their point of view, thoughts, and insights:

1. Insecurity.?We’re feeling insecure, so we try to prove our expertise and dominance by trying to control the situation.
2. Exuberance.?We’re sincerely excited about whatever we’re doing and want to share it with everyone.
3. Fear.?We’re afraid that seeking to understand means that we’re weak, that we’ll get bogged down in dialogue, and that we’ll never get anything done.

Listen Aggressively

This means to hear with determination and energetic pursuit, demonstrating a desire to understand.

Listening aggressively?is something active that you do. This kind of listening requires focus and intention.

So few people are good at listening aggressively, and if you cultivate this skill, using it consciously as you interact with your employees, your team, your colleagues, your clients, family members, and friends — you’ll immediately improve and deepen?every relationship in your life. Listening aggressively is subtle and oh-so-powerful.

Be a person who listens aggressively, and you’ll stand out in a good way. The payback you’ll receive in cooperation, increased business, and love will blow you away.