My Belated Father's Day Reflection

Father's Day was about ten days ago, but nevertheless I wanted to share with you some thoughts that this holiday brought to mind.

Someone recently said to me that women think all men are pigs. I was very taken aback by this comment. I told him that the male role models in my life were certainly not pigs. I do not approach men or male relationships (both personal and professional) expecting to be encountering a man who views women as purely physical objects to be exploited. To me this is the definition of a "pig" in human form in this context.

Many other women who would say the same. My father, husband, brothers, cousins, uncles, my son and son-in-law, and most of the men I have worked with, are definitely not pigs. Rather, they have been very supportive of me and my choices. They have been mentors, advocates, coaches, cheerleaders, partners (in various projects) and best friends.

On Father's Day it's a time to pause and think about the role of fathers in our lives. I was lucky to have a very wise, quiet, humble and unassuming father in my life. Many did not understand him because he was basically a shy man in a house full of others who loud and unabashed. As I have grown older I have been become quieter. In large groups or groups of people I do not know well I am...well ...shy. At these times I can feel the presence of my father's DNA in my bones. I miss him. I thank him for showing me that all men are not "pigs."

It's a confusing time now for men. With the #MeToo movement they can be uncomfortable with women for fear of saying something that may be misinterpreted. Should they go to lunch with a female colleague? And what about business trips? These circumstances open an entire Pandora's Box of complications.

I have recently started to watch reruns of "M*A*S*H*" on television. It's been very enlightening. This was a long running #1 hit TV show. In fact it ran longer than the Korean War that the story is centered on. Many of the laughs on the show come from the main character (Hawkeye played by Alan Alda) as part of his pursuit of the female members of the unit. There are many innuendos and (what was likely seen as) "playful" touching that today is just not acceptable. This show is just one example. I am sure if I looked at other programs even as recent as five to ten years ago, we likely would see some tightening of this portrayal of men and women interacting professionally, but the underling sexual connotations would still be there.

So how are men supposed to know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable? Especially when we were all growing up watching these role models in the media? The only answer I can offer is we need to have an open dialogue in all settings. Discuss this at work, at the family dinner table, in schools, in church, and especially in the "locker room." It's by talking and modeling that we learn appropriate behavior. Let's help each other out.

In my Mother's Day article I asked for people not to use the "B*tch" word. In this article I promise not to say "all men are pigs" or refer to them that way. I ask all women reading this article to do the same. There are good men all around us in big numbers every day. They need to know we see them and we appreciate them.

Please let me know your thoughts. Share this article with friends and family. Feel free to post it on Facebook and on your LinkedIn feeds.