Not My Bag, Not My Problem

There’s something comforting about coming home for the holidays. After 12 years of living in Switzerland and Europe, homecoming feels like slipping into a well-worn sweater—familiar, warm, and slightly bittersweet. My parents, now in their late 60s, are still healthy and vibrant, and every visit to the house I grew up in feels like a journey through time.

This year, my sister and I met our parents for dinner at a cozy little restaurant near home. I arrived just in time, my suitcase discreetly tucked by a wall near my sister’s seat. My mom, ever the worrier—because aren’t most moms?—kept one eye on that bag all evening. As we sipped the last of our tea and prepared to leave, jackets were donned, and the soft chatter of diners surrounded us.

We stood to go. My sister, closest to the suitcase, was the first to walk out. I followed, and my mom, always vigilant, paused as she noticed the bag still sitting there.

“Umm… hello? Your bag?” she called out, a hint of exasperation laced in her tone. Then, turning to my sister, she asked, “Joanne, why didn’t you take it?”

Without missing a beat, Joanne shrugged. “Not my bag, not my problem.”

We laughed—a deep, hearty laugh that spilled into the chilly evening air. But as we walked out into the night, her words lingered. They were funny, yes, but they were also a truth I couldn’t shake.

How often do we take on burdens that aren’t ours to carry? Out of habit, out of guilt, or some misplaced sense of duty, we shoulder weights no one asked us to. And worse, we deplete ourselves doing so, leaving little left for when someone truly needs us.

Maybe the lesson isn’t just about letting go of unnecessary baggage, but about discerning when and how we choose to carry someone else’s load—and doing so with intention and love.

So, I ask you:

• How often do you say “yes” when you really mean “no”?
• Are you carrying “bags” that no one asked you to pick up?
• What would it look like to reserve your energy for moments that demand genuine care and presence?

Radical generosity isn’t about doing everything for everyone—it’s about knowing when and how to show up in ways that truly matter. It’s about discerning between burdens and gifts, between unnecessary baggage and opportunities to help carry someone through.

As we step into this new year, let’s reflect: How can we live with intentional generosity, while honoring the boundaries that allow us to give more fully when it counts?

Maybe the first step is simply this: Not my bag, not my problem.

Special thanks to Joanna Furczon —my little sister, a dedicated Child and Youth Care Worker in Toronto, and my best friend. Your humor, wisdom, and heart inspire me every day.