My Autumn Survival Guide

It was my wedding anniversary this week. 22 years! Which is pretty remarkable when you think about it, especially since it's actually my second marriage. And they said it wouldn't last.

Anyway, I shan't be sharing any tips on what makes a marriage work, each to their own, but I do have some ideas about how to survive the Autumn.

Get Busy

There is nothing worse than having nothing in the diary. I began this week with a scarily free calendar and Tanja, my business partner, was gallivanting off at a wedding somewhere on Lake Como. Don't know about you but nothing makes me less productive than having all the time in the world. I can't work without a deadline and some pressure.

So the first thing I did was book a couple of yoga classes (I know, I'm a cliche, get over it), fixed up some calls with clients and candidates, finally got round to having the piano tuned, promised myself I'd practise for at least half an hour a day and bingo, suddenly I looked quite busy.

The irony, of course, was that with Tanja off on her japes I actually had to do the really hard work of scheduling interviews, taking feedback, giving feedback, negotiating offers, persuading women that, yes, they really can still do the job they gave up eleven years ago, all of it exhausting.

Write it Down

When times are tough at work (which feels like the last two and half years to be honest - the recruitment market is SO HARD), it's really important to make yourself feel like a success. So what Tanja and I do, every two weeks, is write down the things we're going to achieve over the next two weeks.

It's really not very complicated in our case. Persuade two firms to give us two vacancies, get Amanda an offer, agree date for joint client/law firm event. It focuses the mind. Means that every day, before we put pen, paper or pick up the phone or write an email you have to ask

"Is this going to get me closer to achieving this fortnight's goals".

Learn to Say No

"I'm a former lawyer with some great skills but Polly, Dolly and Molly (13, 15 and 19) still need me around so I'm looking for work Tuesday to Thursday from 10 - 3, except in August. Oh and April, when Easter's in April." Can you help?

No

"We're a big hot short law firm and we need someone to cover a mat leave from next week, must be able to hit the ground running and be happy to work 80 hours a week, do you have anyone available?"

No

"I've got this amazing opportunity for you to speak at an event, it will be FABULOUS for your brand awareness, and we'll provide you with a mug as a thank you. Up for it?"

No

Learn to say "No" politely, quickly and firmly and you'll be amazed how much time you free up for all those other important things. Like your yoga lessons and piano practice.

Ask

There's a Yorkshire saying "Tha gets nowt baht asking" which roughly translates as "If you want something then bloody well ask for it".

A couple of months ago we met with a client who didn't ever seem to want to see any of our candidates, despite us thinking they were a really good fit. We had a meeting and I basically said "We're a bit fed up of sending you candidates and you ignoring them so we're going to stop doing it."

"But we really want to work with you!" they said.

"Ok. Well if that's the case let's all try very hard to get one person a job in your firm between now and Christmas". All agreed, wrote it down, Bob's your uncle, she starts in November. (Tracy, not Bob).

Pay rise, new role, introduction, sponsorship, whatever, you have to ask. Nicely and clearly, obviously.

People will usually help you if they can, but you have to hustle. Remember, no-one cares about your future as much as you do.

Get a Job

If you don't have one, I can really recommend it. You get to earn ￡￡, meet some nice people, get out of the house, put on a decent outfit, put some distance between yourself and your family (perhaps this is one of the "successful marriage" strategies, don't know).

Now, I know that I've already said the recruitment market is tricky but that's really no excuse, there are jobs out there, you've just got to be determined. My top three tips:

1. Never ever forget that the recruitment market is exactly that. A MARKET (as Stephanie Dillon drummed into me many years ago, in her best Australian accent). Employers are competing for the best people and people are competing for the best jobs. You have to think of yourself as a product, think about who's interested in what you have to sell, where you'll find them, what the price is and how you're going to promote yourself
2. The best promotion you can do is to get out and talk to people. Use your connections, tell everyone what you're looking for, ask for tips, go for coffee, honestly I promise you are nine times more likely to find a job through your own network than you are through a recruiter (especially if your recruiter has swanned off to Lake Como or is twiddling away at a piano)

Actually, that's it. Two top tips.

Get a Dog

I hear Kier Starmer has fobbed his children off with a kitten. What is the point of a kitten? Or a cat, even? Cats don't change your life. They are pretty much self sufficient.

Dogs, on the other hand. Just when you thought you'd got your freedom back because the kids are self sufficient, a dog comes along and takes it all away again. Which is not a bad thing.

Think about it. The first thing you have to do in a morning is take them for a walk, so that's the first hour of the working day accounted for, meaning you are more pressed for time to get things done which, as we know, makes you more productive. And you have to do this walk come rain or shine so, as we head into Autumn, you're forced to get out there and take in some fresh air even as the nights draw in, which is very good for your mental health.

Also, who ever had a fabulous creative idea whilst staring at a computer screen? Except maybe Bill Gates, or Steve Jobs, or probably any number of tech geek millionaires. For the rest of us, we're much more likely to have fabulous ideas when our minds are totally empty, i.e. when we're out walking the dog.

You also get to go to nice cafes. (They are not my nails by the way; I do NOT have time in my life for those nails. They would also make piano practice problematic).

Choose Gary

Slow Horses, Sherwood, The Perfect Couple.

What can I say. The Perfect Couple can't decide whether it's Big Little Lies or Mama Mia and whilst I love the dance bit in the credits I am VERY disappointed in Nicole Kidman's outfits. Can you remember The Undoing? It was worth watching just for the endless parade of gorgeous coats/long cardigans that she wore.

Sherwood. Well. It's tricky, the Nottingham accent. I went to university in Loughborough, which is very close, and so I heard it a lot. A southerner would think it's northern, but it's not. And the actors all do it quite differently. Very jarring, especially when they randomly remember that someone has to say "mi duck" at the end of every other sentence, then forget again for whole passages of time. The plot is also ever so preposterous and how could they have David Harewood in it only to kill him off in episode 2???

Slow Horses. Sublime. As good as the books and they are brilliant. Perfection. In my humble opinion.

Get a 22 Year Old

Both "children" are currently back at home. Obviously, having my son around is amazing because we have to play scrabble every day, which is the bookend at the other end of my "working" day, putting pressure on me to wrap things up by the time he's ready for that day's competition. He is also very fussy about food, which means I don't have to think about what to cook because he'll do all the decisions on that front.

But currently, the star of the show is my daughter. Mainly because she found out on TikTok or Instagram, not sure which, that Molly Goddard was having a sample sale at the weekend - 85% off!

I spent one hour 55 minutes of Saturday - time I will never get back - standing in the most fashionable queue you've ever seen (I was very out of place) but it was worth it.

I won't go on about it because it's not as if you can go there yourselves as it's finished.

The Cultural Bit

I'm watching: Slow Horses, Sherwood, The Perfect Couple. Told you this already. Keep up.

I'm reading: Glorious Exploits by Ferdia Lennon, recommended by my friend Anne. Will be fab. Set in Ancient Syracuse

I'm not: Practising the piano. Yet. I will get round to it. Been too busy.

I'm Playing: Spelling Bee on New York Times app. This wastes the thirty minutes of my day before the dog walk begins.

I'm off: to Whyte's Restaurant in Hackney. My son's choice. We have to cram in all his list of "must try" restaurants in the few weeks he is back in London. I'll let you know.