My anxiety and how it manifests in my everyday life

If you're new to my articles, hello. My name is Marga and I have what you may call high functioning anxiety. If you've been following my previous articles, welcome back. You know the drill.

I'd like to start off with saying that I do not build my identity around my anxiety, however, it does play a big role in my everyday life. It manifests in many ways, both good and bad. Just yesterday, I experienced my first black out after a long time without exactly knowing what triggered it. It started with a cramp on my left leg which rendered me unable to stand straight and then the dizziness followed. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in a chair and my hands were curled into fists and the people around me were crowding to see if I was okay. I didn't even realize I had passed out. Good thing someone was able to catch me before I literally fell to the ground. Up until now, I can't really pinpoint what triggered it in the first place.

I've long since experienced panic attacks that literally crippled me momentarily and usually without immediate triggers. So far, I've just been lucky that I've had good Samaritans around me whenever I've experienced one. It usually comes and goes without warning, and I just accepted it as a possibility in my everyday life, whether I go out or stay at home. But then again, panic attacks are just one of the manifestations of anxiety. Although having an attack is bad, the rest of the manifestations aren't.

The good side of my anxiety, if you can call it that, is productivity. It fuels me to write articles, crunch numbers, and analyze data for long periods of time because my brain needs something to focus on. If you've been following my articles, you've probably noticed by now that I'm not a professional writer by means of my numerous typos, occasional grammatical errors, and just overall writing style. My articles is just a by-product of my anxiety.

When my brain is left to its own devices, it goes haywire. My immediate solution has always been to keep busy. In my role at work, I've always tried to walk the talk of work-life balance but often fail. When left to wander, my anxiety will tell me that I've missed something important and will trick me by making me double check or even triple check my work. So where do I draw the line between being productive and overworking myself?

Building an everyday routine usually helps. A mental checklist and even a sticky note with the urgent to-do's help too. When I see tangible proof that my work is done, I can now Uno-reverse card my brain into thinking that I've done all that I could for that day. However, my every day tasks vary so keeping my calendar updated is a good way to ensure I'm on top of things without dropping the ball.

Contrary to what I just said, breaking my routine from time to time helps too. Either by picking up a short passion project or just simply taking a break. The former is easier to manage because it keeps me focused and busy. The latter is easier said than done but much more necessary. Taking cat naps in the middle of the day if there are no meetings lined up is my usual go-to break. However, when the sandman evades me, I turn my breaks into time to run my errands: laundry, washing the dishes, etc. It's usually the errands that are more physically taxing but can be done on autopilot so my brain is still somewhat at rest. After that, I go back to my routine.

Therapy, which I strongly advocate for, is also a good way to manage my anxiety. Although I can manage my day to day life, the meds certainly help ground me whenever I feel like my thoughts are racing a million miles per second. Exercise is another good way to be productive. That said, I'm probably not the poster child for exercise since I don't exercise regularly. I only get to do so when I run my errands by walking my way to and from the grocery, laundromat, post office, etc.

So what I'm saying is that although having anxiety is sometimes crippling, you can still function at your best with it in your life. Anxiety is only a part of who you are, it is not what defines you. And as Edna Mode from the Incredibles would say, "Go. Confront the problem. Fight. Win!"