My anxiety disorder and how I cope!

Preliminary

He checked my pulse for 2 minutes, closed his eyes and said, “Too much pitta in the system”. He was an Ayurveda doctor and when he checked the pulse, I felt he went into deep meditation from the way the energy changed in the room.

His tips?

1. Do lots of creative work.
2. Meditate less, for the energy is too much in your system already.
3. Go vegan for a year. Then stay more on vegan side.

She heard me out and said, “Alkaline diet. Pitta is a physical energy. And diet is what can face it”. She was a naturopath.

Her tips?

1. A long diet chart for alkaline diet. Oops!

She heard me out fully and said, “Care for yourself. It is ok if you made mistakes. Forgive yourself”. She is a Buddhist Homeopath. My main doctor. The other two I just consulted.

Her tips?

1. Follow the diet as prescribed.
2. But more than that, learn to love yourself.

Based on what I learnt from these 3 and reading blogs on alkaline diet and effect of stomach on anxiety…I made changes. I did it all as a scientist, observing at each moment the effect of each change that I made.

So I can say, anxiety can be managed by diet.

Ancient Indian wisdom never differentiated between body, mind and emotions. The Ayurveda doctor had said “Vagus nerves are disturbed. Hence is your mind”.

The lifestyle changes

Diet: I watch my diet. I am an almost vegan. :) I find that if I stay away from gluten, sugar, caffeine and dairy, I feel good. And of course alcohol! I try to stay alkaline mostly without going crazy over it. Indian diet mostly is very nourishing so I have stopped my obsession with pasta or quinoa etc. It is barley and lentils for me. Among others. Come every season and I attack the fruits. India has such a variety of nutritious food…I gorge it all.

Meditate: My main meditation is Vipasana. It brings in a lot of energy into my system. So I am watchful of it. I taught myself to absorb it. If I am unable to I sleep it off or dance it off. I also practice other ways of meditation. I ask myself daily “what do I need?”.

Exercise: I try to stay regular with exercise. Mine are simple, I walk and do stretches. I walk in my park, filled with trees and birds and happy senior citizens…It is a tiny dose of nature in this polluted city.

Pull the plug: Pull the plug out of all that pulls me down. This includes the spiritual facilitators I had who would always say “accept everyone” and blah blah blah. Or the new age philosophers who say ‘you are attracting your problems’. I accepted my frailty. Pull the plug also from work in the evening. The best way is to plug into something different. Watch a movie, chat with family, solo travel or anything that makes me happy.

Plug in new: My new plugins are individuals who say ‘this is who you are. Accept.’ We cannot but be so grateful to Buddhism for bringing in ‘self-compassion’ as a way of life. My go to person is Pema Chodron (through her books and videos). Whenever my anxiety needle shakes, I read a paragraph out of her books forever on my kindle on phone and I am better.

Curb desires: Why do we work so much? Why do we chase so much money? Can we live with less so the very anxiety causing corporate life can be a distant cousin? These are the questions I grappled with for many years and am getting some answers now. I work less, I do a lot of creative things that appeal to me.

Chanting: India has such a wealth of wisdom it is unbelievable. Do you know that there are chants that help curb fear? “Gayatri Mantra” or "Maha mrutyanjay Path" These chants are vocable, not paragraphs. They are not to be understood so much as chanted and felt. The energy of the chant or mantra works on you.

Have I arrived? No way! Long way to go. But I am able to catch myself faster than ever before.

The most important thing is…

Accept: If I eat something harmful or do not exercise or meditate…I do not kill myself. If my system goes astray, I quietly take some medicine, come back and start again. It is not a sprint but a marathon for me. So I won’t be a billionaire? That’s ok. I’m happy even as a volunteer.

Insight gained

The only insight I have gained by this relentless work is:

Self-care is self-discipline. The same discipline with which we get up and go to office, work to our best.

There is no other way. You gotta to start running and you gotta go on running. You fall, you crash…just get up and go again.

Monica Kochar - (www.humanemaths.com)