My AmeriGas Customer Service Vortex of Incompetence

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience Mr. Corcoran. Have a lovely day."

This was the last thing the seventh of eleven customer service agents at AmeriGas said to me after five calls totaling nearly four hours over three days.

I appreciate the scripted positivity, but it has not been a lovely day. We're approaching 72 hours and I still don't have propane for the home. More importantly, my last name is Cochran.

The first agent on the first day of marathon calls informed me that an order for propane would be placed and it would arrive in five to ten business days. I'm sorry, what? I have to be without propane for up to two weeks? She transferred me to a different department which handles "emergency fills" for tanks less than nine percent full. Why nine?

I'm sorry, what? I have to be without propane for up to two weeks?

The second agent informed me I didn't have an account with AmeriGas and needed to set that up in order to proceed. I was puzzled, but I provided the address knowing that an account was set up months ago. A keyboard was banged on, and after an audible sigh he said "so, there's an account under a woman's name." I knew this because the previous owner had an account. And I had called in October to have it transferred.

"Sir, there's a takeover account under the name Thomas Cochran."

"Yes, that's me," I muttered, holding back my frustration.

"Oh, that's good" he replied. "We'll set up a delivery then. They'll call you tomorrow when they're in route. You can log into your account and check the status of your order. Have a great day, thanks for calling AmeriGas."

Halfway through the next day, nobody called, and I checked my online account to see no record of a delivery being scheduled.

I called and started another round of mind-numbing conversations. The first agent informed me that I didn't have an account. So, we went through that whole thing again.

The second agent was kind, tried her best to help after I pleaded that it had been 24 hours and still no propane delivery.

"Mr. Cochran," at least she got the name right, "I escalated your request with the delivery manager and he assured me someone would be en route by no later than this evening."

Really crushing it with high quality service AmeriGas. Thanks for wasting my time and increasing my blood pressure.

Past performance led me to have my doubts, but I thanked her nonetheless. She's just trying to do her job. It's the overall company that's an abysmal failure.

"Someone will be calling you prior to their arrival."

Three hours later, it's dinner time with the kids, no phone call, and no propane delivery to the home. Awesome. Really crushing it with high quality service AmeriGas. Thanks for wasting my time and increasing my blood pressure.

AmeriGas revenues are nearly $3 billion as a subsidiary for UGI corporation, which has 7,700 employees and pulls in $7.7 billion. That's $1 million in revenue per employee. How can a company continue to exist with such a horrific level of customer service?

A company this poorly regarded shouldn't be allowed to exist.

I submit into evidence their Better Business Bureau reviews and customer complaints. Nearly a complaint filed each day over the last three years. A company this poorly regarded shouldn't be allowed to exist.

The next day confirmed for me that AmeriGas is systemically incompetent and incapable of providing a modicum of empathy, let alone customer service.

I called early to track down the delivery which was scheduled for the previous evening. It's 8:44 am and I'm having my first cup of coffee. I've been on hold for about ten minutes until the agent cuts in."

"Sir, I don't see any request for delivery in my system here."

Are you kidding me? We're going to do this again?

"You mean, there's nothing in the system that says I called in for an order? Or any record of ..." I trailed off, just absolutely furious and about to explode.

"Right, well I see you called, but I don't see anything regarding a delivery request but ... oh wait." She types out a few more things. "Sir, the driver delivered propane this morning at 8:43 am but nobody was home to receive it."

Are you kidding me? We're going to do this again?

Unbelievable. I chug the remaining half cup of coffee and unload (in a professional and civil manner, seriously). "I'm sorry, you're telling me that just minutes ago, while we were on the phone, someone delivered, or tried to deliver propane to the home but couldn't because someone wasn't home? Nobody called to inform me prior, per instructions shared with me on earlier calls."

She stuttered a bit as she too seemed perplexed. "I don't know sir, that's what I'm seeing in the system here. I'm just an agent."

Maybe that's the problem. An agent has no authority and despite my barking orders at the automated tele-menu to "SPEAK TO AGENT," it's fruitless because they're just the conduit to a broken database with poorly kept records and instructions.

"Mr. Cochran, since the gas was delivered, do you need anything else from AmeriGas today?" Yes, how about an explanation of why everything is so difficult.

"One last thing sir, we need to get someone out to unlock the tank since we were unable to perform a safety check."

"I'm sorry, unlock the tank? So I have propane in the tank, but I can't use it?" My ears feel hot because I think steam is quickly exiting as my temperature rises.

"That's right, we needed to do a safety check on the tank because it was filled after it went below nine percent." Ah, there's that nine percent number again. "But, nobody was home to do that sir."

"Again, you didn't call me! I was informed that I would be called well before your arrival, and some adult, any adult would have been there to address this. And now I have propane in a locked tank, which I can't use, because it was delivered waaaaay after I first called without so much as a courtesy call. I need to speak with a manger right now please."

If this doesn't utterly infuriate you reading to this point, it gets better.

"Please hold." If this doesn't utterly infuriate you reading to this point, it gets better. For a visual, look at my call log below.

"Hello, I sincerely apologize Mr. Cochran for any inconvenience. I've spoken to my manager and he has agree to transfer you to a higher department."

Finally, I'm getting through and AmeriGas sees the massive error in their ways and is putting me in touch with the right department. It's only taken a few days.

"In reviewing your account, it seems it wasn't set up correctly and finalized so we need to transfer you to our sales department."

"What? You're telling me that the issue now is that I don't have an account set up correctly? So, days after my first call, I now have a tank of propane, which can't be used because it's locked off due to safety reasons, and this is because nobody was present for the delivery which happened unannounced the day after it was confirmed as an emergency delivery nearly 48 hours after it should have been delivered? And, now I don't have a properly set up account and that's the issue?"

Breathe. Don't forget to take a deep breath.

"What is your name?"

"Mine?" She hesitated. "My name is Martha."

"What is your manager's name?" I hear her muffle the phone and probably turn over her shoulder to ask if she can share that information.

"I'm not allowed to share that. But, we can have someone out to unlock your tank on March 15."

That's nearly a month after I made my first call. At this point I gave up. AmeriGas' incompetence, negligence, and lack of empathy or whatever is creating this nightmarish customer service debacle was too much. Words can't even describe the frustration at this point.

Nobody will take ownership or be held accountable for lousy customer service, including the manager responsible for customer service.

Unreal. Nobody will take ownership or be held accountable for lousy customer service, including the manager responsible for customer service. How is a company so bad still in business, making billions of dollars?

I'm getting furious reliving this experience by writing it out as if I have customer service PTSD. What's the recourse here for a customer? It's not easy to switch providers, of which there aren't many. The tank at my home is owned by AmeriGas and other providers won't touch it for liability's sake. I'm a captive and very unhappy customer. All I need is propane and not have to waste hours and days of my time to get that.

We're now a week out from when this debacle started. I'm solving this problem, and needless to say, the future doesn't include a relationship with AmeriGas. Nor should others feel compelled to remain a prisoner to a company not committed to providing a humane level of customer service.

What I went through was an epic failure of spiraling customer service hell.

What I went through was an epic failure of spiraling customer service hell.

What now? Well, I certainly hope their corporate leadership team and board is open to hearing criticism and aiming to improve their service. I highly doubt I'll be receiving a mea culpa from Hugh Gallagher (CEO), Tony Rosback (COO), Paige O'Dell (VP, Customer Engagement), or John Walsh (UGI's CEO). I'm hoping they're all aware of their company's customer service shortcomings and figuring out ways to address it.

What a disaster of an experience. A comedy of errors like a real "Who's on First?" but with real world consequences. So let's end this on a lighter note with Abbott and Costello's famous comedy routine.