My 87-year old Language Tutor

Old folks like to talk. I remember sitting with my grandma in her living-room when she was in her 80s. She’d go on about all sorts of subjects and then 45-minutes later I’d hear it all again. She was lonely, forgetful and enjoyed my company. After an hour or so, I would make up an excuse to leave. I always felt guilty when I pulled out of her driveway and cringe now when I think back.

I left my grandma and the United States when I was in my 20s and came to Europe to teach English as a foreign language. After a few years of bouncing around, I settled in Geneva, Switzerland. Fortunately, I already spoke French because Geneva is a terrible place to learn the language. The city has so many international organizations, companies, embassies, UN-affiliated offices, federations, etcetera. About 60% of Geneva’s population is foreign-born and most of them speak English, as does anyone who has been through the Swiss school system in the last 30 years. If you’re an English-speaking professional just off the boat, you’ll find it easy to get by with only English.

Nevertheless, there are a lot of English-speaking expats taking French courses. They all seem to have the same complaint: “Whenever I speak French to someone, they answer in English.” This is true. Everyone wants to practice their language skills. From the supermarket cashier to the bicycle mechanic; it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t ask, “Would you prefer to speak in English ?” It’s impossible to make progress in conversation unless you’re willing to pay someone 40 Chf an hour just to chat.

A few years ago I had an idea on my way home from work. There were three different nursing homes on my route and I noticed all the old folks, mostly women, sitting at empty tables fumbling with yarn, watching television or simply staring out the window. Maybe it was their missing teeth or bad coffee, but they all looked glum. One day I decided to enter one of these “homes” to get a better look. Lunch had just finished and the seniors were scraping the bottoms of their pudding bowls. This was a rather posh place, more “retirement center” than nursing facility. Their restaurant was open to visitors and so I was able to walk inside without anyone taking much notice. I got myself a coffee and then saddled up to an old-timer. We talked about the weather, that day’s menu, the upcoming holiday, etcetera. I asked the lady if she spoke any English. She apologised, possibly thinking that I was trying to change the language of our small talk.

As it turned out, very few of the residents spoke any English. Those who did, said that they had forgotten most of what they had learned. For the most part, the conversations were easy. I’d just have to start the ball rolling with, “Have you always lived in Geneva ?” and my interlocutors would start at the very beginning, explaining where they were born, raised and on and on.

I continued my visits over the course of a few weeks, each time speaking with someone different. There were types who would rattle on as if not noticing me, while others couldn’t be bothered to chat. However most residents still knew the art of conversation and would also ask me questions with sincere curiosity. I always left feeling saintly…never guilty about leaving too soon.

I stopped going after three or four visits. Spring was in the air and I was young with other priorities. But I told all of my expat friends and acquaintances to stop complaining. If they needed a place to practise their French (especially their listening comprehension), they should go out and befriend an old person. I gave them the address of my favourite retirement centre and they all agreed that it was a fine idea.

Zurich

I lived in Geneva for over 20 years and moved to Zurich this October to be closer to my wife and children. Things were complicated and still are. Speaking bad German doesn’t help. All of Geneva’s language-learning hurdles also apply to studying German in Zurich, plus one more: the natives speak a dialect. Everyone growing up in German-speaking Switzerland will learn to speak high-German at school and their local dialect in the schoolyard. Although the dialects vary from region to region, they all go under the umbrella term “Swiss German”. But the Swiss don’t expect non-natives to learn or speak their dialect. Actually, they would find that strange.

Communicating in high-German is enough and this is what I set out to do.

I’ve been coming to Zurich on weekends for years and so my vocabulary was growing, but I was in desperate need of practise. I wanted conversation partners and so I took my own advice and made my way to the nearest nursing home.

My first-choice home was just down the street. There was a big garden and all the residents had their own studio apartment. I could see them playing cards and sipping tea through the large picture windows. I went inside to inquire about volunteering, but they sent me packing. I was told by the reception that their residents had plenty to do and no need for volunteers . I left feeling sheepish.

I walked down the street to a much less shiny building where a toothless tenant stood outside shivering with a cigarette. “Gruezi !”, I said hopefully as I walked past. I was ready to be friends with anyone, so long as they could carry on a conversation. But that was exactly the problem. Everyone at this facility had some sort of impossible impediment. The bossman went over the list: senility, psychosis, deafness, missing teeth. Communication was nearly impossible for the native caregivers so I’d have to try somewhere else. I carried on walking to other retirement homes all over the city, but no one would have me. They either had a plentiful supply of volunteers, or shook their heads sadly insinuating that I would be more trouble than help.

I felt terrible ! Depressed even. I had sold my business to come to Zurich, learn a language and reinvent myself and now I couldn’t even get a job as a volunteer at a rest home ! I’m 50-years old, but called my parents out of despair, perhaps thinking that these two pensioners might have an idea. They did their best to bolster my confidence and then, as they always did, told me to “pray on it”. Being a non-believer, I quickly swatted away that midwestern suggestion, but thought it over later on the balcony as I swished prune schnaps through my teeth.

The next day I went to church…a big Catholic church next to my son Max’s daycare. My parents go this church when they’re in town and so I knew about the place. It’s humming over there. They’ve got a youth group, nursery school, coffee klatch, host an AA meeting, have a Knights of Columbus and sponsor an orphanage in Haiti. I imagined there being a weekly bingo night in the basement and that’s where I’d set myself up with my new tribe of elderly, Swiss German Catholics! I could even use the extra work on numbers and letters.

The church was large enough to have an administrative office with a reception and that’s where I went with my speech memorized. Lena was the woman at the counter. She was about to shake her head in that way I know so well, but then stood silent for five full seconds before asking, “Would you want to help my aunt Rita with her shopping ?” I also stood my ground for a short while before asking, “Can your aunt Rita communicate clearly in German ?”

“Yes. But only German…and Swiss German….and Italian.”

Lena checked my identity card and even called Max’s nursery school to confirm my story. Later that afternoon we visited her aunt. Rita had lived alone on the second floor of an old building for over 30 years and lately she’s been having problems getting down the stairs. Lena comes by every day to check in and deliver groceries, but now it would be my turn…once or maybe twice a week if I could manage.

It’s now been six weeks. Rita is lovely, has had a full and interesting life and I could not ask for a better 87-year old language instructor. For me, finding Lena was the hard part. But if you’re reading this article because you’re in a similar situation, don’t be discouraged by my struggles. I now see old folks everywhere and realize that all it really takes is enough courage to start up a conversation on a park bench. Having a child or dog with you does help.

Develop a Plan

So, once you’ve found your living language resource, what next ? You’ll need a plan, tools and techniques: a method.

You need eggs to make an omelette. Make sure that you have the words to get the ball rolling. To be deemed a beginner (A1 level), you need to have a 500-word vocabulary, otherwise you’re a tourist. Google “most common German words”, and also start learning some standard phrases that you can develop: “What is the word for this ?”, “Can I buy you some X ?”, “Where can I find the Y?”

Don’t worry about grammar. But learn a bit. Buy yourself the thinnest of grammar guides at the bookstore. Don’t settle for an ebook or learning application. You’ll want something that you can open and refer to easily and often.

Take the photo albums off the shelf. Talk about her family, from where she came and what she did before retirement. Talk about the photos in detail: the clothes, the event, the year it was taken and so on. And of course take your own photos, but not on your telephone. Print them if you must. Your friend will want to pick them up, bring them close to her face and refer to one in the context of another.

Read together. We are using this series of German graded readers. I’ve bought all of them for Lena and have made myself photocopies so that I can mark up the pages. The books are short; perhaps 40 pages of text with a very complete glossary at the end of each chapter. Each time Lena and I meet, we agree to read 20 pages. Lena’s job is to ask me interesting questions about the text: Do Dino and Elisabeth like each other ? Why ? Does Dino have a hard life ? Were your parents like Dino’s ? How were they different ? Of course, Lena loves it when I turn and ask, “And what do you think ?”

Make flashcards. Lena is full of expressions that I’ll never pick up without an effort. I write them down and later put them in a Google spreadsheet which syncs to a flashcard app that I like.

Then there are sentences that I could use regularly if they were not so structurally complex. These are sentences to memorize. Here are some examples:

What would you have done in his place ?

Have you heard the latest news about X ?

I hadn’t thought of that until you mentioned it.

Memorizing these sentences and phrases will make you more comfortable with the syntax of the language you’re learning. You’ll develop a feeling for the mood of verbs, how to conjugate and the different ways of using pronouns and prepositions.

Become familiar with the CEFR. The Common European Framework of Reference is an international standard for describing one’s ability to speak a language. Most language teachers have a some knowledge of the framework because it allows them to measure and assess what their students know so that they can develop what they don’t yet know. No disrespect to Lena, but without a framework, my ability to speak about vegetables and the neighbors upstairs would be highly developed, whereas other themes (sports, technology, current events) and the vocabulary, tasks and communicative activities associated with those themes may never emerge. In short, to be a good autodidact, you’ve got to find the gaps in your knowledge.

Get others involved. During our conversations, Lena’s friend Gretchen has come to visit on occasion. I go and make tea for them and when I come back the two are chirping away in high German and I find that I understand very little. What’s happened ? Without realizing it, Lena and I have been developing our own style of communication. As we become better at speaking with each other, we lose a bit of our ability to relate to others. Lena knows the limitations of my vocabulary, I’ve become used to her special accent and expressions. If we were left alone in her apartment for ten years, we’d likely develop our own dialect ! This is why it’s important to bring others into the mix whenever possible. It enriches the language. My sons Sasha and Max have met Lena several times and following their conversation in Swiss German is impossible, but that’s another step that we’ll make together some day.

Be responsible. Keep in mind that this may turn out to be more than a simple exchange. Lena and Rita have learned to depend on me. My shopping and visits to Lena have become duties that I cannot simply abandon from one day to the next. I’ll soon have a job and then family trips and vacations. I’ll need to prepare both Lena and Rita for these eventualities. They’ve given me something important and that comes with responsibility.

Conclusion

We are more inward as we grow old. We do less, meet fewer people and get out less often. But we also know that engaging and contributing to our community has a positive effect cognitive health and mental outlook. In this way, the exchange that Lena and I have enriches us both. It’s not just about learning a language or keeping Lena’s refrigerator full.