My 5 heartfelt career tips - to my 20 year old self and to all women

When I think back to my first applications, I can summarise it with: a clash of underestimating myself and overthinking my future. I was fresh out of uni, with all options open, but completely influenced by the expectations that I had heard, observed and been conditioned by. For example, how can I find a job that allows me fast career progression before I am 28, as I will then likely have to be pregnant and out of work for at least 2 years. Or how can I already choose a path now, that allows me easier re-entry later. Or, how can I make sure that I don’t come across too loud and direct when speaking to men. I can tell you, there were many more similarly silly thoughts where those came from. What I know for a fact though, is that these aren’t just my thoughts but those shared by thousands of women that silently, subconsciously carry all these sentiments around with them. And they are really damaging - they cloud our judgement, they limit our steps and all too often we don’t dare to share those insecurities.?

What gives me hope is that times are changing. Feminism is slowly but surely being understood for what it really is: a quest for greater equality and realism in every aspect of life. And we are finally starting to talk more about topics, also about those that seem difficult to admit but that can really change our approach to life.

I'm 30 now, not married, not pregnant, proud of where I am with my career now and I have big plans. I have successfully not followed any of the concerns I had at 18 and have also not become the woman I thought I had to be for others. And I couldn’t be more relieved and proud about that.

That is what I would like to tell my 18 year old self now and what I remind the women in my life of and what I want to share with you today. If I break it down, it's 5 simple truths that work for me. I am writing this now in relation to our career choices, but of course they apply to life and work equally.?

1. DON’T OVERTHINK IT

Think but don’t overthink is my motto here. I am the type to think about all possible scenarios, outcomes and consequences, which is something I still do, but remind myself to actively let go of more and more. When it comes to new jobs or new tasks and challenges, the only thing you can know for sure is that you don’t know how it will go. So instead of fighting that feeling and overthinking every possible aspect, trust yourself and go with the feeling of the unknown. When my role at Readly expanded, I had this very feeling. Will I be able to perfectly do everything right in this new role from day 1? The answer is no, because it’s new. But I don’t have to know it perfectly from day 1 because I can trust and rely on myself to learn and grow into the new task. And that is what happened. As the saying goes: “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable” - and that is what we need to remind ourselves of.

2. BE BRAVE AND DON’T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF

Everyone, and especially women, know the feeling of reading a job ad, scanning the? requirements and having that sinking feeling that your CV and experience might not be perfect for 4 out of the 10 criteria - and that you therefore shouldn’t even apply. Because you think you are not good enough, don’t want to waste recruiter’s time, don’t have a chance. A lot of research has been done about this, often labelled as the “confidence gap” and showing clear differences between male confidence and female lack thereof. The root of this is deeply ingrained in our societal and educational structures, in how we treat men for their potential and women based on their experience, in how girls are taught to follow rules and always be polite. So it’s no surprise that this happens and that it is difficult to overcome. The reality however is that in many of those cases you should apply. And you should be brave, whether it is about a new job, a new task, or a totally new field of work. Because you need to be your own cheerleader! And you need to remember that everyone started at some point, in a job they probably only matched 40% of the criteria for, and grew into what and who they are now. So the journey always has to start with you believing in yourself and showing up for yourself. When I hire for Readly, we explicitly write in the job ads that we want you to apply even if you have that feeling of not matching all items on the list. Hopefully at some point in the future we don’t have to write that anymore. But for now, I will continue writing it and I encourage those who recruit to make a difference in HOW we recruit, and to those applying: be brave and speak up about the things you don’t think you match. I promise you, that will be a great conversation starter and will give you a true sense of empowerment, bravery and ownership over your own journey.

3. FOCUS ON LEARNING WITH EVERY STEP

Even as I write this article, the red thread across it all is that there are valuable learnings in every experience. What we can individually control is to be in a mindset of learning. That means being open-minded, self-reflective, looking beyond the obvious and taking circumstances into account. There are many reasons as to why I consider this so important, the most essential one being that we as individuals can’t help but develop with each of our experiences. The only difference is whether we are aware during this development, or if we are completely passive and unreflected about it. I started my career at Readly as Social Media Manager. What got me to my current role of Head of Growth is that I learnt every day and put those learnings and new skills to use. And I discovered completely new skills and interests that I didn’t even know about before. Because I was in such a new environment when I entered the company (I had previously worked in fashion ecommerce), I was so acutely aware of wanting to learn. Over time, that feeling developed further into wanting to learn skills but also learning by taking in everything around me. The environment you are in, the people you work with, how they work etc, all those things you can learn from, if you actively see them. So my advice in a nutshell: be open to learning, be reflective to put your own feelings and experiences into context, and always look at the bigger picture. You will learn from the good things as well as from the bad things, but all of it will shape you as a person and make you better, smarter and more sure of yourself.

4. STOP COMPARING AND BEING SO STRICT WITH YOURSELF?

I really want to shout this from the rooftops because I think women are so incredibly strict with themselves. About our bodies, about our appearances, about our jobs, about what we expect from ourselves - and what we think everyone around us expects as well. Diana Vreeland famously said the following: “If you compete, you’re looking left and right and it holds you back. I knew that no one knew what I knew and I didn’t question it”. There are two parts to this for me: on the one hand we need to stop comparing ourselves to others because we usually only see the facade anyway and it means we waste our own time looking at them instead of focusing on ourselves. Wrong! Instead we need to actively remind ourselves to turn this sense of comparing and competing into drawing inspiration from others. And you should always feel encouraged from the fact that we are all individuals, meaning you are completely individual in your skills, approach and talents. Focus on your individuality instead of looking for how to fit in with the rest!

The second element is how strict we are to ourselves and how we tend to expect the impossible. We are raised to think that we have to be 100% amazing at everything. 100% great employee, 100% loving friend/sister/girlfriend/daughter, 100% strong mother, 100% fit and perfect - but the calculation doesn’t add up and is simply not true. We need to let go of this sense of being all of it at once, because others expect us to be. The truth is: those around you will be happy when you are truly happy. And you need to find out what makes you truly happy, by trying, failing, trying again and putting together your own puzzle. I often discuss this with my female team members and especially those who already have families, because we encourage each other to want it all, but to accept and actually enjoy the feeling that wanting it all doesn’t mean you have to be everything all the time. It requires you to give up control sometimes, it requires you to accept that not everything will be perfect (as defined by our societal norms of perfection) - and it will set you free!?

5. DO IT YOUR WAY!

My favourite daily reminder because while it is easily said, it’s much harder to do but so worth it. Take comfort in the fact that everyone’s journey is different. Learn to trust your instincts and listen to yourself - what do you enjoy, what are you good at, what do you want to learn, what do you want to achieve and why. Doing it your way can mean big changes in career paths, or simply your individual approach to how you do a certain job. For me this has meant different things at different stages of my career. I had always dreamed about working in fashion, but ended up in tech, where I am now - because I found all and more of the elements of the job I was seeking represented there. I didn’t expect it, I wasn’t even looking for it, but I was always open for opportunities that life throws you. Recently this has also meant that I stopped apologizing for loving to work in general. Work for me is a passion, something that adds great value to my life. And while others might think it’s too much, to me it feels just right.

Doing it your way requires you to really get to know yourself, which is something we owe ourselves anyway, both in regards to work and life.

By Marie-Sophie von Bibra

Original article publisher on MSVB Online Consulting

German version available on Emotion.de