My 3 Simple Steps to Help You Choose

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Read time: 6:02 min

A lot of us get hung up on the past. Sometimes I am guilty of that.

We might have had a horrible childhood, gone through a monstrously horrific breakup, or lost a loved one.

It's hard to move on, but guess what? The past has passed. It doesn't exist anymore. Time is the only thing in our lives that we cannot undo. It can be challenging to cope with something awful, but you need to recognise it's gone and focus on moving forward, not dwelling on your memories, who you used to be, what you had and how famous you were.

The past is over and done with. You can't change it now (no matter what your local time and travelling genie tell you). Your decisions from this moment forward are all you're responsible for now—so make good ones for yourself. Put yourself at the centre of the decision, and then it will all fall into place.

The Future Isn't Here Yet.

The future is not a place you can get to. It's not a location that's outside of you. It's not something that happens to you. The future is something you create—moment by moment, decision by decision, step by step, no matter how small. The important is to keep moving forward, baby steps are still steps, and small wins are significant to you.

You are either doing things today to create the future of your dreams or passively allowing circumstances and other people's agendas to determine your destiny. It is up to you.

"Dreams without goals are just dreams."

When you put your interest in your future, it is because you will spend the rest of your life there. Your past is not your potential. At any minute, you can unleash your future. Thus your choices are all that matter.

Your Choices Are All That Matter.

As our lives get busier as we worry about work, children and elderly care, we might suffer from decision fatigue. Decision fatigue can lead us to have a negative perspective in life and shift our locus of control to external instead of internal.

Our human brain is hardwired for negativity, to dwell on the past, as a defence mechanism against our external environment. Our ego depends on it unless we are responsible for our choice. And choices, after all, are all that matter.

"Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made." -Dyer, W.

For example, Angie (a fictional name) is deciding how to spend her time and money and what actions to take. Angie is always free to choose the following: she can have a lovely house or a terrible one, be happily married or get divorced, have a great family life, or end up in jail, and so on. Okay, those are extreme choices we wouldn't usually make lightheaded. The principle, however, applies even if we're discussing more mundane decisions. For example: will you spend your day off at the beach? Will it be with friends? Or will you go shopping at the mall? In a blink of an eye, Angie can set in motion her future based on a split-second decision. To every "yes" you say, what are you saying "no" to?

My 3 Simple Steps to Make Choices.

Choosing and making decisions can cause stress and fear. It can paralyse you. The good thing is that you are the actor, the film star, the director, the art director, the custom designer and the playwriter of the movie that is your life. In this film, you have considerable power and responsibility.

I have a confession to make. When I choose and make decisions, I feel overwhelmed and fearful. To help me cope with decision fatigue and paralyses, I use a straightforward three simple steps that have helped me along the way.

My technique uses 3 simple, easy reflection-based steps:

1. Rephrase. I start by rephrasing the decision in a positive mindset. For example, let us say I need to decide and choose to ask for a loan to buy a house. It is an important decision in one's life. Asking for a loan can cause a negative train of thoughts and emotions, so I rephrase it as "My loved ones need protection and safety. One way I can do this is to buy a house". Thus my choice is or not to provide protection and safety to my loved ones.
2. Write The Emotional Balance Sheet. Like an accountant, I built a balance sheet with assets and liabilities. This time, however, based on my goals (assets) and my feelings and emotions (liabilities)—what will I feel after making or not making the decision? I start by pencilling down what would be the worst that happens if not making the decision becomes a reality. In my example, I will not have a home, my family will not be protected, I will not have a legacy, and we will not feel safe and feel sad as I do not have my independence, and my financial situation will be under stress. Then I write down what is the best that can happen when making the decision. In my case, I will be able to have a home, my family will be protected and will feel happy, I will be less stressed as my family is okay, and my financials will not be under pressure.
3. Analyse The Balance Sheet. The third step is to check the emotional balance sheet of the decision and choice, and based on the balance, and you make the decision you have to make.

The fact that you write down the steps creates accountability with yourself and highlights your responsibility for your choice. It makes choices less complicated as you get rid of any negative thoughts you might have regarding the decision-making process.

Do I make impulsive choices? Yes, like any of us. Sometimes irrational decisions. It is part of our flight-fight hardwired mode. However, I am increasingly aware of my choices and consistently align them with my purpose and core values. Choices aren't always easy to make—it's hard work choosing between different options—but they are essential because they entirely determine our lives. It might seem like life is random, or circumstances beyond our control impact us negatively (e.g., an unexpected illness, a meeting or an event gets cancelled, you get upset because someone cut you off in traffic, or your car broke and you will be late), but this isn't true. Those things happen unless we take action against them! That is why choice-making is vital for success in any endeavour, whether we want more happiness in our relationships with others or more excellent financial stability.

Final thoughts.

According to Martha Beck, every day brings new choices. Indeed when we take responsibility for our life, we always have a choice.

The past is over. You can't do anything about it. Don't let it hold you back from living your life now. Those in a state of self-pity usually think they are the victims in life. They will blame their parents, friends, or the government for their misfortunes and failures. To experience greater happiness, you must change your perspective and control the past and present.

Here's the question: What can you do to make yourself feel happier?

You can't control people or situations, but you can take personal responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Start by accepting that no one is perfect—not even you!

About The Author

Casimiro da Silva Santos or Cas is a dad, a coach, a business leader, and a speaker. He has more than 20 years of management and leadership experience in the corporate world, and he is a certified leadership, career, executive and team coach by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). He is the founder of Bring The Best , an organisation combining career, executives and team coaching with consulting for organisational and business excellence, including turnarounds and growth. He is an Executive Contributor of Brainz Magazine .

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The views and opinions expressed in this newsletter/blog are those of the author and are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organisation, company, individual or anyone or anything.