My 3 Biggest Challenges as a Public Speaking Coach

They say the third one tastes good—you just have to get through the first two glasses. For centuries, the Schlenkerla, a half-timbered house and a shrine of gastronomy in Bamberg, a city in Franconia in Northern Bavaria, has been 'delighting' the palates of its guests with a dark, homemade beer specialty that tastes like smoked ham. Literally.

The year is 2013. My mom, then 83 years old, is enjoying heavy pork dishes accompanied by smoked ham beer. My little guy, álvaro, age 7, is amused with some coasters. The gentle strum of local traditional music plays from the speakers above. The air is rich with the scent of pork and beer, accumulated over centuries. The ambiance is nothing but cozy.

I order my second smoked ham beer. It still tastes... unique. After the no-nonsense waitress in her traditional dress serves my challenging brew, a thought strikes me. In all these years, I've never asked my mom about the most significant lesson she's learned from being an elementary school teacher. 42 years of teaching seven and eight-year-olds must have given her a wealth of educational insights.

I turn to my mom and ask, "Mom, I've never asked you this, but what's the biggest lesson you've learned from all your years of teaching?"

She gazes at me, her brow furrowed, takes a sip of her dark beer, pauses, sets down the glass, and imparts one of the most profound statements I've ever heard.

My mom was a teacher. My late dad was a teacher. I never wanted to become a teacher. Against the wish and dream of my folks, I studied business administration. After more than eight years with KPMG, the global advisory firm, and a failed European initiative to create a pro-European cultural festival in Berlin, I ended up turning my passion for public speaking and rhetoric into a profession. Since July 2009 I've been building my speaking and training business across Europe. Today I'm a 'teacher' of rhetoric and charisma. I guess we cannot escape from our genes.

Imagine you're sitting with me in the Schlenkerla in Bamberg. We're nestled in the cozy main room with its wooden furniture, next to the tiled stove. We order our smoked ham beer. We say 'cheers' and look into each other's eyes—very important in Germany! You take the first sip and think, 'Hallelujah, what the hell is this?' I just smile back at you.

One hour later. We've finished eating. We order our third pint of dark mystery to wash down the heavy Franconian food.

You say, "Wow, it's starting to taste good!"

"Told you."

Soon after we order an Espresso. Our lunch is coming to an end when suddenly you look at me and ask,

"Flo, you've been a public speaking coach now since 2009. You've worked in 16 countries, in 39 industries, with 160 corporate clients. What is your biggest lesson learned when it comes to teaching the art of speaking?"

Oops, I didn't see that coming! I think for a while. Finally, after a long pause, I say,

"My friend, I think we need another smoked ham."

You smile back at me and call for our no-nonsense waitress.

Five minutes later.

"Look, the first thing I want to do is not just highlight one single lesson learned. Instead, I'd like to elaborate on three big challenges that almost everyone I've worked with has faced to date: an artificial challenge, a limbic challenge, and an incomprehensible challenge."

You give me an intrigued look.

"Let's start with the artificial challenge. Rhetoric has been my biggest passion ever since I joined my beloved Toastmasters club, Prestigious Speakers Barcelona. Do you know Toastmasters?"

"Not yet," you answer with a smirky smile.

"It's the world's biggest public speaking club. You can check it out at toastmasters.org. Ever since I joined that club, one man became my post-mortem mentor - Aristotle. Once I started to dive deep into Aristotle's teachings, I quickly realized one thing: Structure is the Big Bang of rhetoric!

What is rhetoric? Rhetoric is the scientific art of persuading people and moving them to action. Action, my friend, that's what it's all about! I always say that rhetoric has only one KPI - action! I'm not gonna talk now about all three modes of rhetoric. But one thing is for sure. No logos—meaning arguments based on logic, from the Greek for 'word' or 'speech'—no persuasive power. If it doesn't make sense what you say, how can it make sense? And logic needs structure like the roses need the rain."

"You stole that line from Bon Jovi, right?"

"Right", I respond smiling.

"It's simple. The more structure you have in your public speaking, the more power to persuade you have. And there is one small element that people do not have on their minds when they present something. I have to admit it: it's an artificial element. Probably that's why it's so challenging for them.

The element is called 'signpost' - a structural signpost. Do you Remember the last time you went on a hike in the mountains? Weren't there signposts? Just like signposts on a hiking trail, such as 'Mount X: 9.3 miles', in public speaking, we guide our audience with clear markers."

Your nodding encourages me to continue.

"In public speaking, we use similar signposts, so our audience can follow our structure hence argumentation more easily. Example: In the opening of a hypothetical persuasive speech I'd place my message, 'Invest more time in networking.' Right after the message I'd place the signpost. 'For three good reasons.'"

You look puzzled. "That's all? But that's easy!"

"Yes, and no. This structural element is not something we would use here sitting in the Schlenkerla. It's artificial. Imagine you said to me now, Let's go to Greece for the summer holiday, and there are three great reasons to do that. That would sound weird, wouldn't it?"

"Hahaha, yes, it would."

"You see, that's exactly the challenge. A conversation between us sitting here is not the same as presenting a business case in front of 200 colleagues. As a public speaker, you want to make sure that all brains follow your structure the same way. Exactly the same way. For that, our speaking needs more signposting."

"Got it, thanks for sharing, Flo, so what's the second challenge?"

"I'll let you know once I'm back from the bathroom," I respond with a laugh and excuse myself.

You take advantage of my absence and order a fifth round of liquid smoked ham. Well played, my friend.

When I'm back I continue.

"The second one is a limbic challenge. The limbic system in our brain is responsible for our behavioral and emotional responses, especially those that relate to survival. Do you remember the 'Merkel Raute?' I think in English you call it the Merkel diamond."

"Oh yes, sure, why did she do that all the time?"

"Well, you know, she had advisors. They probably told her, 'Angie, now this diamond is your unique selling point. Keep doing it!' But back to my training sessions. I see Merkel diamonds all the time. And not only that. I see hand washing and praying and wedding ring twisting. Even without wedding rings, I always say they twist lost memories... hahaha. But that is still not the limbic challenge I was talking about."

"Now I'm curious," you say frowning while you raise your glass. "Let's have a toast, to limbic challenges!"

The fifth round of liquid smoked ham is starting to take its toll.

"OK, please do me a favor. Do a Google image search for 'TED speakers'. When you see all those speakers and how they move their arms you will understand that one question I ask in my training sessions nonstop: Did you know that you can move your arms at other angles than 90 degrees?"

I can see how you picture those arms in your mind. You start to simulate those gestures. When you have them at 90 degrees I say,

"Stop! Keep your arms like this. I introduce you to my biggest enemy as a public speaking coach... the T-Rex!"

You look down at your arms, picture the T-Rex, and start laughing.

"You're right. It is the T-Rex."

"Exactly. The moment you stand up in front of a group of people, your limbic system freaks out. It screams: 'They want to kill you, they want to kill you, protect your belly!!' And that's what you do. You protect your belly, your weak part below the ribs. A cut in your belly and you were gone. This is a simplified lesson of our evolution. The question is: Is it a natural, cool, charismatic behavior? I saw you before chatting with that man over there who serves our liquid smoked ham at the bar. I didn't see the T-Rex. The T-Rex, just like the Merkel diamond, and all the other 90-degree gestures automatically lead to closed body language. Open body language, on the contrary, gestures that do not protect your belly convey confidence, authority, and charisma."

After a moment of reflection and two sips of dark brew, you ask a funny question.

"So you want me to make the T-Rex go extinct for the second time?"

"Yes. But it is so hard, so so hard. Because we are dealing with your limbic system. It's based on a survival instinct. In my training sessions, it takes three to four speeches with extensive feedback rounds until people start to move their arms at other angles than 90 degrees. That's why I call it my second big challenge as a public speaking coach. Look at those TED speakers in Google, do me the favor. T-Rex everywhere, it's simply amazing."

Outside of the Schlenkerla it's already getting dark. Many guests have left, many new guests have arrived. The Schlenkerla is a tourist hotspot. Especially for Americans.

"So Flo," you ask, "what is your third and last big challenge as a public speaking coach?"

"Oh, I almost forgot about that one", I reply shyly. "There are so many things I could talk about."

I'm fifty years old now. Since July 2009 I've been training people in how to communicate better, especially in front of people. I should know by now that there is nothing more boring than saying 'so many things I could talk about'.

While I continue thinking, you ask me the most appropriate question at that moment: "Do you want another beer?"

"Oh, of course, yes! That's gonna be a funny rhetorical answer." We both laugh.

A new waiter brings the two pints. He also wears a traditional Franconian outfit with long leather pants and a red and white checkered shirt. I ask him about his name.

"We are Flo and [you], great to meet you, Andreas."

Andreas leaves with a smile.

You raise your new glass, say 'Cheers', have a big sip, and wait for my answer.

After a long moment of silence, I start.

"How do business people communicate? What do they say when they present their monthly business review or a new idea or a project they need five million for?"

You keep quiet now. You feel it's not a question that asks for an answer.

"Do you know how they communicate? And I'm guilty. For eight years and three months at KPMG I talked this way. Guilty as charged! Almost a decade of bullshit bingo: value, win-win, synergies, critical mass, efficiency, effectiveness... Effectiveness my ass! Have you ever seen the face of effectiveness?"

You seem amused and confused at the same time.

"That's funny, Flo, but isn't this the way all business people talk? What's the problem?"

"The problem is that I have no idea how BMW can produce one single car based on all that generic bullshit bingo that goes into it. Do you know what's my favorite bullet point in a slide presentation in my first 14 years of training?"

"No idea, bring it on!"

"OK, here it comes, prepare your ears; it's auditory beauty... 'Leveraging efficiencies for sustainable growth'. Again: 'Leveraging efficiencies for sustainable growth'. What the fuck! People say nothing, nothing at all. Because generic phrases are vain and empty. I can't touch a phrase made of plural words. I can't see 'efficiencies' with my own eyes. They are just vain and empty concepts."

You take a huge sip of your liquid smoked ham before you ask me,

"Got it, generic sucks, but what's the solution?"

I think for a while as I finish my beer.

"Do you want another one?"

"No, thanks, I'm pretty Schlenkerlad already," you answer with a giggle.

"Fine, let's order the bill. But before we pay, here's my solution to the generic challenge. It was in 2013. My mom, then 83 years old, was enjoying heavy pork dishes accompanied by this dark treasure."

I raise my empty glass to support my words.

"álvaro, my little guy, was seven at the time. He was playing around with some coasters. The gentle strum of local traditional music played from the speakers above us - just like now. The air was rich with the scent of pork and beer, accumulated over centuries - just like now.

At one point a thought struck me. In all these years, I'd never asked my mom about the most significant lesson she'd learned from being an elementary school teacher. 42 years of teaching seven and eight-year-olds must have given her a wealth of educational insights.

I turned to my mom and asked, 'Mom, I've never asked you this, but what's the biggest lesson you've learned from all your years of teaching?'

She gazed at me, her brow furrowed, took a sip of her dark beer, paused, set down the glass, and said,

'Where there is no hook you cannot hang a jacket.'

When you hear my mom's wisdom you burst with laughter.

"That's what she said?" you ask incredulously.

"At this very table, I swear. Something happened just now. You will never forget this place, the food, the smoked ham beer, the music, my son álvaro, and, for sure, you will never forget what my mom said at this very place back in 2013. That, my friend, is the power of a specific example. My biggest challenge as a public speaking coach - and yes, there are so many - is to make you give specific examples. Specific examples stick, specific examples make sense hence they are great logos. Generic content, 99% of all business talk, is more useless than an ashtray on a motorbike."

"Wow!" you respond. "I never thought about that. But now that you tell me, it's true. I like good food, but I never mention a specific dish. I like to travel, but I never mention a specific trip. I like to play chess, but I never mention a specific game. It's all generic. Thank you, Flo, for sure, I will pay more attention to examples in the future."

"That's great. In combination with signposting and less T-Rex, I can guarantee you that you will become a more powerful public speaker. And if you want more, there is more to explore. In my online course Push Your Pitch you can dive much deeper into the world of rhetoric and persuasion and charismatic communication than we could ever do at the Schlenkerla with Franconian food and five pints. But for now, I suggest that we go to the Bolero. The co-owner Schmittie is an old friend of mine. So - let's pay?"

You nod, get up, and we leave.

"Bis zum n?chsten Mal, Andreas."