My 2020 Survival Guide

This year has been so hard for all of us. Just 8 days into it, I lost my dad in a tragic, jolting, wasn’t-ready-for-it kind of way. I went through all the stages of grief. I was in denial. I became angry. But the sadness… the sadness lasted the longest and hit me the hardest. I leaned on my closest friends and siblings. I called upon Navy SEALs; they are experts on survival. I read books on grief written by those who really seemed to understand it. 

But nothing external helped bring me out of my sadness. There was no analytical, logical approach to reasoning with loss. No matter how hard I tried.

My Dad and I on New Year’s Eve 2019.

The Coronavirus pandemic is incredibly sad. Millions of people left without a job, small businesses going under, and thousands of loved ones lost each week. People are dying alone. Families are being left without a chance to say goodbye. And as a daughter who has recently experienced that, I can tell you that it is a terribly catastrophic blow to the heart.

I needed help but felt too ashamed to ask for it. Or even admit that I needed it.

People notice how happy I am all the time and often tell me how much they love my high energy and positivity. In a matter of minutes, I lost all that magic that others see in me, that others expect from me.

I didn’t want to let anyone down. So, I put on a brave face and suffered in silence. Only, I wasn’t where my feet were. I wasn’t present. I was a shell. It was only when I was able to recognize that my family was suffering without me, and my business was suffering without me that I was able to swallow my pride and get the help I desperately needed.

Weeks went by and slowly I started to recognize flecks of myself. Piecing together my resemblance, I began to rebuild. Just as I was healing, the world was in the middle of a viral pandemic that would devastate those in its path and create a new normal for everyone else.

Surrounded in a world full of struggling, suffering humans made everything go dark.

Understanding loss and grief in a deeply personal way took me to zero. For those wondering what the hell that actually means – it’s removing all thought, all expectations; creating a blank slate in your mind and clearing the path for you to enter survival mode. Imagine concentrating on having nothing. Starting from scratch. Mentally building yourself back up to a life you can thrive in and sustain.

I knew if I were going to survive, and be able to help others survive, I would have to find my footing and climb out of the hole first.

Here’s how I did it.

It began with clarity. Self-reflection. Who am I now? What matters? What do I want to accomplish? I reevaluated and reconnected with what was most important in my three buckets: my life, my career, and my wellness.

I surrendered to a deep understanding and commitment to execute on self-care. If I wanted to maintain focus and be productive – I needed to be thinking the right things. 

“You become what you think you are,”  – Oprah. 

If what you think is what you become, you will see more of what you focus on. Think about a car commercial you saw on TV. It’s a new model of a popular line. You see this commercial playing on your favorite channel over and over. You may have seen it online, or in a magazine as well. You’ve unknowingly given it your focus. You are now likely to notice that car while you’re out driving, over all the other cars on the road. 

2020 Tesla Roadster (car goals)

The same holds true for what you believe yourself to be. Be careful of the words you speak. Words are power. What we say, we believe. What we believe, we become. You can win over the nature of self-doubt by eliminating negative self-talk. Positive reinforcement through your language will open your mind to living in a healthy space. Before you know it, you believe in yourself like never before and gain an authentic confidence – and that my friends, is characteristic gold!

The need for a healthy, focused mindset is more important than ever. We are isolated, quarantined, and separated from those we love. We are restricted from indulging in the things we want to do. No one has an answer to when it will end, or what the future looks like. That we cannot control. But we can control our minds.

Our positive mindset is the only path to true survival. We must focus only on people who will help us to become the person we believe we are capable of becoming. We must focus only on the things that will help us get there. In doing so, we are able to block all negative influence that can so easily seep in through the cracks. 

Gaining clarity revealed an altruistic need for self-care. While there are many definitive ways to describe self-care, the simplest is that you appreciate the importance of it and are committing to putting yourself first. Just as we’ve been taught that we cannot help anyone else until we help ourselves – or that we cannot love anyone else until we love our self. Putting yourself as the priority is the fundamental for self-care.

I began to eat healthier. I forced myself to get more sleep. One foot in front of the other, I moved in ways that made my body feel good. Every day I began to fall in love with myself. I set boundaries for my time. I cherished it. I appreciated it. I stopped wasting a minute of it on anything that didn’t truly matter. Perhaps one of the most important lessons I learned on this journey to self-care was in making sure that saying yes to others, wasn’t saying no to myself.

When you gain clarity on what’s important to you – you stay on that path. Anything else is a roadblock and must be removed.

You may very well find that you have to give up things that no longer serve your best interest. This includes ending relationships that don’t support, empower, or encourage you. Relationships of all kinds. Romantic, friends, business, and sometimes family.

One of my favorite things about myself is my servant heart. I have a deep-seated need to contribute as much value as I can to others. I derive some personal satisfaction and value upon this performance making contribution a powerful placeholder in my survival.

When is the last time you asked, “How can I help?” Making a difference for someone else is an incredibly powerful thing. Helping someone else can help you heal. The desire for contribution can stem from another important tool in our survival tool belt which is, gratitude. When you practice gratitude for yourself, your life, and all that you have – you recognize your wealth in different ways, and it motivates you to want to give to others.

An important step towards my survival was expanding on my capabilities. I honestly strive to be the dumbest person in the room. I’m at my best when I become a sponge, soaking up the knowledge and influence of others. I started to become more and more curious about what I could really be capable of. 

I enrolled in an executive mentorship program. Surrounding myself with people smarter than me. I committed to a month-long personal challenge that held me accountable to all three of my buckets, and I made a conscious effort to learn something new every day. The momentum continues to build, and it inspires me to keep going. A critical measure of survival success.

I walk a fine line of accomplishing things and not putting too much pressure on myself. I set daily/weekly goals and work to complete them – but don’t beat myself up if I don’t. Sometimes I’d rather just play with my five-year-old or take a nap on a rainy afternoon than hard charge my way towards the next win. Sometimes a nap is a win.

Above all else, staying mindful of my goals has helped me to become more creative and focused. I’ve expanded my thinking to new areas and explored the potential to achieve growth. I can still give myself room to breathe and be relentless in my pursuit of my goals, both personally and professionally.

Clarity, self-care, contributing to others, and exploring capabilities, all help keep me out of the quicksand.

Perhaps the biggest takeaway here is that there is nothing special about me that allowed this survival to happen. This advice, or any part of it can be implemented by anyone. While most things in our lives have been cancelled or severely limited, there are three things we all have in abundance:

Human potential + Imagination + Determination = Limitless.

This pandemic, this year, this new world can swallow you up if you let it. But don’t let it. 

We can survive this. 

Remember:

• Don’t negotiate with your goals or your happiness. 
• Stand tall, unwavering on what matters most to you.
• Bet on yourself. 
• Invest in yourself.
• Surround yourself with people who inspire you, motivate you, and elevate your potential.

We are the key to our survival. No one else can take us down.