My 10 day silent meditation retreat

One of the hardest things I've ever done. It was painful. It was suffering. It was insightful. Every day began before dawn at 4AM with the ring of the gong and we intermittent fasted for 18 hours with around 11hours of meditation per day. Through the difficulty, we were taught Vipassana which is a very specific and ancient meditation technique from the Buddha.

What happened?

• Each day started at 4AM and we were in bed by around 9PM
• No communication with other students (verbal or non-verbal)
• 6:30AM breakfast with lunch at 11AM*
• Men and women were separated
• Roughly 11 hours of daily meditation
• Simple vegetarian meals
• No phones, electronics, reading materials or writing
• No alcohol, coffee or intoxicants
• It's free

*If it's your first time, you get some fruit at 5pm. Otherwise, just lemon water.

What is Vipassana?

Vipassana means to see things as they are (super-seeing) and observe the objective reality as it is (not how we want it to be). It an ancient technique of meditation taught by the Buddha in order to achieve mental purification and liberation from suffering. It focuses on awareness and equanimity (non-reactiveness and no bias towards sensations). There are no mantras or visualisations and it is very clearly non-sectarian. During the retreat, there is a focus on hard work and discipline.

Proponents see it as a way of life; how to live with peace and deep happiness. Eventually following this path is said to lead to enlightenment.

Disclaimer: You cannot really gain a true understanding of what this is like unless you do it. The team strongly emphasise that this is not a course for intellectual musings; it is a practical implementation meant to help anyone and everyone. Reading about it helping your life is about as likely as reading about navy seal training will help you to fight.

What was it like?

Firstly, it is tough physically. Sitting in one position for so long takes its toll on the body and feels excruciating. This is partially why the first 2-3 days are regarded as the worst (and when most people who end up leaving early do so). Eventually somehow it becomes manageable; I'm not sure if the body becomes used to it or your non-reactiveness to pain builds, but it's not as bad. Eventually you learn to do a sitting of strong determination (not moving for 1 hour).

Secondly, just being with your own thoughts all day every day eventually gets to you. At one point I became quite delirious and was somewhat convinced that they'd try to steal my kidney (I mean... how else could they fund this, right?). During your time, deeper and deeper aspects in your psyche begin to surface and you process them. During day 8, I cried for about an hour straight.

There's also a strong element of sleep deprivation that kicks in. I realised that the 4AM starts were unsustainable for me after a week, so I slept in occasionally (I ended up napping in the hall accidentally many times).

You try to count down the days; every one that passes feels like a victory to be celebrated. Equally, you try your best to fight through the constant mental distractions and meditate properly according to the instructions.

There's a very strong feeling and atmosphere of good will and caring from everyone (fellow students and teachers). The team serving and helping you are complete volunteers; the food you get is carefully prepared and was surprisingly very good. I must concede that the real and genuine human bond was heartwarming. I remember one breakfast where I looked at the bread bin and it was empty; without me asking, someone took one of their pieces and placed it on my plate. Before I could look up, they were gone.

Additionally, I loved being away from my phone for so long. There is a real beauty to the disconnection from the outside world that we simple don't get anymore. Not reading the news (and the sad state of the world) also have a positive impact.

What is the meditation like?

This is a question I won't answer. You'll have to go and see for yourself.

What I will say is that there's a logic to every rule in place and the focus is on seeing reality as it really is (so no mantras or visualisations).

What was the benefit?

After several days of frustration and difficulty, I asked my teacher this question. What's the point of meditating so hard and arduously if I don't know what I'm getting?

He replied something to the effect of "nothing I can say will be an intellectually satisfying answer. When you leave, see the effect it has for yourself".

In some ways, this is a very frustrating answer, but it's also very vipassana. There is a strong emphasis that there is no faith - don't take the teacher's word for it, go and experience it for yourself. The people who subscribe to this religiously do so not out of blind faith, but because they themselves feel the benefits of the technique.

Personally, I have noticed some differences. My awareness and equanimity are certainly higher. I can feel immediately and viscerally whenever I have a craving or aversion to something. It also certainly helped me to work through certain issues that had been bringing me a lot of suffering recently. That being said, everyone's experiences will be wildly different.

Also, I do notice that I definitely use my phone a lot less now; I'm acutely aware of why I'm picking it up every time.

One additional note is that I would highly suggest this if you have a psychosomatic disease (that's actually why the main teacher S N Goenka first began this practise).

What surprised you about the experience?

• I was genuinely surprised that I had the mental strength to finish the 10 days
• The incredible and genuine diversity. I've never seen anything like it. Across every dimension (race, class, gender, nationality, age, profession) there was such a real mix of people from every part of life. From as young as 18 to 67; people who've lived everywhere to people who are London born and bred.
• I learned that there are so many different meditation techniques; each with its own benefits and specific applications. Vipassana is just one of these techniques, although its proponents argue it goes the deepest into the mind.
• You have to keep up your meditation outside of the retreat after you leave. The approach is much like going to a fat loss camp; sure, you will lose weight by attending, but if you don't exercise when you leave, then you'll go back to normal.
• I still can't believe it's free. Actually, it has to be free to be proper vipassana. When one pays for something, they have expectations of a certain standard. However, when one receives it for free, you simulate life as a monk; beggars cannot be choosers. It lowers the ego. You eat what you are given and accept life as it is.

May all beings be happy

I'd like to thank the team at Dhamma Sukhakari. If you have any questions feel free to DM me. You can apply for Vipassana here.

If you'd like to read about the art of living in Goenka's words click here