A mutiny story!

Years and years of hard work to get to that position. Sacrifices that affected my family. Hard choices. A relocation to a foreign country, learning a new language, leaving family and friends and now it was time to let everything go. Enough. No more!

To facilitate the writing of the story I am going to take you through a dialogue that is not a specific dialogue with one particular friend but it summarises well the type of questions that I was asked during that time, not only by people but also by myself, so here we go:

Friend: “Why do you want to leave? What has happened?”

Me: “I don’t belong here anymore. I did what I did but now I feel so detached from this Corporate world that it would be unfair to me, to my Team, to the Company and to my colleagues if I kept going”.

Friend: “Okay, but how will you manage your finances? Your obligations? How is your family going to react? What will you do to make a living?”

Me: “I don’t know yet but I will work on it. I have to”.

From the moment I realized that this chapter had to be closed, I have been planning my own exit plan. I put my Project Manager hat and actually even that one of the Credit Risk guy and started to work on a project that I called intermittently either “transformation plan” or “highway to freedom” depending on how I felt that day.

When I was a bit down the first title resonated the most with me but when I was more motivated and energetic I went for the second one. Even though the title of the AC/DC song is a bit different (highway to hell) every time I was up, I felt the band playing inside me so, I used that association to feel myself more rock & roll!

I spent about 4 or maybe 5 years in simplifying, reducing expenses, removing all unnecessary (although affordable) membership programs and in saving as much as I could.

I was determined, but I didn’t want this to be happening as a rifle shot. Not like I did in the past.

It had to be gradual so that the people who depended on me had the time to adjust.

My son had to stop going into that expensive school that he adored and started to go in a public school. It has not been easy. At all! The sense of guilt has been punching me in the stomach for a while. But I knew that, to be honest with the ones I loved the most, I had to be honest with myself first.

There are no shortcuts on this one I am afraid.

In the meantime, I was receiving appealing job offers, but the decision was taken so I either declined them or prevented my kind “recruiters” to take them any further right from the outset.

During that time, I kept working and actually kept enjoying it. In fact, once the decision was taken, I felt lighter, I was happier and as a result I was providing better value to all.

I kept growing on with the responsibilities and ended up being a member of the board (strange things happen when you decide to leave!) until, one day a "letter" arrived. I was being laid off. The decision I had taken long before the "letter", had spoken to the universe.

To cut a long story short, this is how I went on, after taking the decision:

1.        I acknowledged that I wanted a life change (really). I didn't want to go away as I was disappointed with the environment, I just fulfilled that experience fully and it was time for me to move on;

2.        I assigned myself a project;

3.        I worked on the tasks to gradually reduce my financial obligations (although I could still afford all of them I only kept those that I could not do without. You will be surprised to see how much money go to waste only because you can afford to pay);

4.        I have increased my saving plans to allow at least 12 - 18 months of no work.

So, here I am, 16 months of no work and still feeling the AC/DC vibe inside me rocking.

I am not saying that it is easy, but everyone IS the master of its own destiny. If you are not ready to face the consequences, then, it simply means that you are not clear on what is it that you want. The courage comes either because you have such a clear vision of what you want (or do not want) or because it is the last thing that is left with you to do. Some move by virtue, other move by fear but at the end of the day we call all of them brave. It really doesn’t matter which is the driving force provided that we listen to it anyway.

Please don’t give me the “I am not doing it because of my family” or “I am not that selfish” because who really loves one’s own family knows that unless he/she is honest with oneself he/she cannot be honest with anybody else. It may appear all good on the surface, but no, you are living a life that you do not want anymore and the more this will go on and the more you will start blaming your loved ones for being the cause of your problems. How unfair is that?

So, although I never worked less or took a step back in front of greater responsibilities, I call this a mutiny because I decided to face the commander in charge of my emotional cage. The cage of duties, of being comfortable with a good life style, the cage of making sure everyone had a good opinion of me.

I wasn't available to spend my life complaining. I love the feeling of gratitude. There are plenty of reasons to be grateful for and I did not want any obstacles between myself and gratitude.

A mutiny, it doesn’t have to be an emotional reaction. Actually, if it is an emotional reaction it is not going to be a real revolution. A real revolution is authentic when your actions are free from external or self-inflicted biases.

You can actually feel the freedom whilst you are still doing the same job again and again simply because your mindset has expanded. You have a new pair of eyes and you have decided to take your destiny into your own hands.

Another thing that may happen is that you will realise how much stronger is the people that is around you. You just never gave yourself a chance to see them like that or you never allowed them to prove you wrong.

A real mutiny doesn’t have to be rough or combative all the time. It can also be gradual but inevitable. In this way the results will embed in everyone around you in such a way that they will also have a chance to play an active part of that transformation.

Am I back to work now? Not yet, but I have reduced my financial obligations so much that I really need a little now to live happily. I am working on several projects and I am enjoying every minute of my freedom to explore the unknown day by day. I just love not knowing what is next although I know what I want.

I would love to hear your thoughts and stories.