No "Musts" Until May

Everybody breathe. Pause. Take a moment.  This is going to take a while.  Ignore the shouts of "you've got time now" to do, learn or fix something.  If that's what moves you, great, do it.  But if not, stop. Stay afloat.

I want to offer three thoughts to get us through this week.

1)    WORDS: we need to make sure we're putting words to our needs. Things only felt but not named can lead to shame, frustration, and "self-medicating" with something that masks pain but doesn't help. Feelings and thoughts traced back to a need can be addressed and processed. What are you feeling?  What are your dominant thoughts? Where can you express them freely? Friends, family, or therapists are great.  If not, write them down. Your brain lets go if it knows it's captured somewhere. 

2)    ROUTINE: any routine will help. A friend with small children said one of the most helpful new habits is every morning starts with breakfast and then a single episode of Daniel Tiger. (The cartoon spin-off of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood) The lessons are moving and helpful and it gives the kids a fun start. I'm currently walking or running and doing a Spanish lesson every day. I also have group text I send a couple of friends without fail. The routine creates marks and measures. 

3)    NO MUSTS UNTIL MAY: dial back the obligations. There's at least a month before our situation changes in any meaningful way.  Dial back the shame, the pressure and the fear.  I saw someone post the other day, "if you don't finish your book now, then you know it wasn't about time, it was about your lack of discipline."  That's incredibly stupid.  Let me put this in context. 

Imagine we were all on a ship.  It left the shore of 2019 4 months ago.  Halfway across the lake, let's say a lake the size of Lake Superior, our ship capsized. Some are injured. Some are in lifeboats and all right, but many are just holding on to any debris. We've radioed for help, and some have arrived. Some will get rescued sooner than others. Many are anxious and worry they won't survive.  We also know that there are currents in the water.  They are moving and will move us in the right direction, but only slowly.  But, no matter the situation, the key to survival is to stay afloat.  Last long enough for the rescue to arrive or the current to carry us to the other shore.  Now imagine someone in a lifeboat looking at you and shouting, "Hey. While you're holding on to that flotsam and working the doggie-paddle, go ahead, write the great American novel.  Feel free to be all encouraging to your friends and family too.  Be productive!" You'd think that person a lunatic.

Folks, let's stay afloat. Get great at treading water. Hold each other up. It's the people convinced that they can swim their way out of this that will drown. Everybody take a breath.

originally appeared on www.michaeldauphinee.com