Musings About Ontological Coaching

When I discovered the ontological approach for intra-personal and interpersonal work, I found it very fascinating. I decided to deep-dive into this area as a professional coach. I am writing to share what I have learned and the impact I have experienced. I am writing as a learner rather than an expert in this field.

You might be thinking: What is Ontological Coaching?

Ontological coaching integrates ontology, the study of being, with coaching competencies. In coaching, there is a distinction between?doing?and?being. This particular approach focuses on being.?

At the heart of the ontological approach lies two key ideas:

(1) The Concerned Observer?

An individual (also known in ontological coaching as “the Observer”) sees, perceives, and relates to the world uniquely, according to his concerns. The Observer's interpretations will lead him to see a range of possibilities of action to achieve his desired results (relationships, work, finances, health, growth, etc). When the Observer feels stuck, a skilled ontological coach will coach him to expand the possibilities of what he is seeing.

(2) An Integrated Approach - Language, Emotions, and Body

In ontological coaching, the belief is that all human beings on earth have three domains in common –?LANGUAGE,?EMOTIONS, and?BODY. The ontological approach emphasizes that for sustainable change outcomes, all three domains of an individual must be integrated. An ontological coach helps clients to examine these three areas and explore the integration process.??

Here is a personal example of what an integrated approach looks like: I was used to listening primarily to the words that people used (language). I rarely pay any attention to my body and emotions (as well as others) when I communicate. In communicating with my three young kids, I often get stuck. As I explore communication using body, emotions, and language in a more integrated way, I now give my kids hugs and massages. I scratch their backs and hold their hands more intentionally. I ask my kids how they feel and I pay attention to my own emotions when I am with the kids. I no longer feel stuck in my relationship with my kids. They have also responded to me more affectionately.

How is the ontological coaching approach different from other approaches?

Here are some differences from my limited knowledge:

(1) First the WHO, then the WHAT

Borrowing the phrase from Stephen Covey, the ontological approach focuses on the Who before diving into the What. For example, Trust is the cornerstone of effective teams. When a boss shares a new strategy with the team at a meeting, team members receive and interpret the strategy differently because of their unique concerns. One key factor is the trust the team members have with their boss.?

While there are coaching approaches helping people develop better strategies and skills, the ontological approach examines a person's perceptions and beliefs on why a person trusts or distrusts. The ontological approach suggests that addressing deep-seated perceptions and beliefs (WHO) will provide opportunities to help the person build and rebuild trust. That will grow the person's effectiveness in using his skills and strategies (WHAT).

(2) First the WHO, then the WHY

In his book Start with Why, Simon Sinek taught us to ask why to seek out the purpose and meaning of what we do. However, having breakthroughs will require us to upgrade our thinking processes. We often assume we can generate breakthrough results using the thinking processes. However, we keep seeing the same things and thinking more or less the same way. When we fail to examine a person's thinking processes (WHO), asking "Why" can have huge limitations.

Have you had any of these thoughts before?

- Why do I struggle to trust this person?

- Why do I no longer feel excited about hitting my targets?

- Why do I lack confidence despite achieving consistently good results?

- Why did I put back the weight I worked so hard to lose?

- Why do I often feel that my voice is not heard?

You can feel stuck while asking the above questions. A skilled ontological coach helps a person to examine his current thinking and emotional habits to get unstuck.?

Borrowing the words from James Clear (author of Atomic Habits)?

You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.

(3) A Refreshing Approach to Intrapersonal Work:

The ontological perspective is that the operating system of a human being is made up of LANGUAGE, EMOTIONS, and BODY.

Many coaching methods focus on language. The value-add of ontological coaches is perhaps the ability to?see and intervene in the areas of moods and emotions and the body (physiological state), on top of the regular coaching conversational approach using language.?

A skilled ontological coach can listen deeply for emotional habit patterns that might cause a client to feel stuck. By uncovering these habits, the coach can co-create interventions with clients to build new ones for sustainable change.

A Personal Story - how the ontological approach has helped me:

I discovered that despite working hard to improve my behaviors, I continue to have the same results, especially in my relationships. There were no real breakthroughs. I was increasingly dissatisfied. I have been addressing the WHAT without addressing the WHO. This was my blind spot.?

I felt a need to investigate deeper.?

One of the discoveries I made: I lived with a subconscious belief that I am a poor listener. To improve, I got equipped with deep listening skills, went for active listening courses, read Stephen Covey’s book, and learned many great principles. Unfortunately, I found change hard to sustain. Under stress at work or home, I will revert to my usual behavior of dominating a conversation and seeking to convince others through my speech. I was unaware of my emotional habits and body patterns (how I show up to others). For those who understand the?CliftonStrengths?language, I have?Communication,?Command,?and Self-Assurance?as my dominant themes. I have often been perceived as domineering, high “D” or Alpha.

With the ontological approach, I discovered a significant difference between “being a listener” and “listening as an action”. With the help of Alice, my ontological coach, I saw new possibilities for change. I learn to listen through my body and emotions. I uncovered the body and emotional patterns linked to my old behaviors.?

As I learn to build new emotional habits and body dispositions, I feel joyful listening to others (I honestly could not imagine my old self saying this). I saw improvement in my relationships, especially with my wife and children. I assessed and felt that I retained my strengths as a speaker. I have also increased my range and effectiveness as a coach as I grew as a listener. As I experienced a sustained change within me, this transformation also ignited a new passion. I am proud that I am now a certified ontological coach practicing in Singapore.

Written by Victor Seet

Activator ? Communication ? Strategic ? Self-Assurance ? Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Ontological Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.