Musings from when I worked in Rehab

Three people from treatment walked into a bar…..know what they said???Ouch!!!!!

Notice how a lot of people here in treatment are in hurry??But there is just no time, not enough time, too much time….you know it’s the addiction right? Nobody just takes their time….who has time to take it easy? And It’s always easy to judge someone else’s time when their ‘pants are on fire’ and you are thinking you have lot’s of time and something is wrong with them .

Who has time really? Do we actually own time? How can we say then that we have it or don’t have it? Sometimes it seems, like that’s all we have….even though we don’t actually have it. Someone asked if I could spare the time and I was thinking to say I can spare a dime because I have a dime, but time? Give me a moment… and then I thought that is also impossible. I can’t give you a moment because I actually don’t have a moment to give. This treatment center is measured in time. How long have you been using, when did you first use, when was your last use, it’s time for group, smokes, eat, smokes and go to bed and then time to get up and eat again. I think time is an illusion that we all agree about. Is it real? You can measure it but can’t touch it; we think we have time or don’t have time but we can’t own it; we can’t see it and we can’t hear it or smell it. Recovery takes time…..really? ??Is recovery a process of transformation or is it actually taking time which we already know can’t be taken. Maybe recovery is a transformation ‘vehicle’ of some kind and we can just hop aboard….. or not

A person might drink alcohol but then some people take drugs… Why is that? Maybe that’s because alcohol is legal and it’s ineffective unless you drink it….and drinking is a natural behavior. Drugs are different. Drug addicts will try any which way to get this stuff into their bodies. So they “take” it any way they can. Actually, if all a person can do is ‘take’ the drug, and let’s say he now has possession ( we all know what possession is)?but then how is he going to ‘get’ high. How is he going to actually ‘get’ it after he ‘takes’ it…I’m thinking he already has it…. He has already taken it,?so why does he need to get it? Anybody know where this is going??Let me know when we get there! When I think about it, nobody really knows what they are talking about.

We actually talk about things that are physically impossible. Like taking a walk or a nurse takes your temperature. Take my temperature? NO WAY! Temperature is all I’ve got and I’m already shivering. And you want to take it? I’ll be dead if you try to take it from me and then I’ll have no temperature at all…or maybe I’ll just be room temperature.

Everybody here have a counselor? Sometimes I wish I had one. I have a car and I have a pet. I haven’t named my car though. Have you named your counselor yet? If you have been suffering from addiction then I’m sure you will name him soon and you’ll make damn sure he is house trained. I know you are all here to unchain yourselves from addiction and get life a life worth living that you actually choose for yourselves. But we are all ambivalent sometimes. You know sometimes I feel like a nut and sometimes I don’t. But really, if your addicted brain is in charge, it really doesn’t matter what you think. You’ve already put your head in that noose and let your brain do the thinking for you. But wait….isn’t that what the brain is supposed to do? Not really!! Your brain works for you. If you are in charge and you know I mean, the boss of yourself as you understand yourself in your mind. ?The brain then is actually in service for you just like the rest of your body that houses ‘your being’. It’s your house!?This body is the house that is really just another mammal walking around on this planet… but this is the only thing (our bodies) that ‘we be around in’… stay alive in….and may have some fun. So I guess the message here is if you douse your brain with alcohol or take drugs, then you have chosen to give up your command to the addiction and now the tail is wagging the dog. So do you want to have a pet or do you want to be a pet?

Isn’t is cool to wear sunglasses? I feel cool. It’s kinda fun too because people can’t see your eyes or know how you really feel. It’s like wearing a mask…but you can’t just rob banks wearing sunglasses and expect to get away with it. But you can ‘steal’ glances and pretend that you’re not looking at stuff….when you really are…

Addiction is kinda like that ….denial is the ultimate pretense….Who me? I can handle my shit. I know what I’m doing.

So, who has a significant other in treatment here? I am a romantic….believe it or not. What do you get when two addicts choose each other? Soul mates, of course!! because we all know that being drunk or high on dope is a spiritual experience. Neither can see the forest through the trees. In the middle of the forest, they can only see the trees right in front of them. They are playing the short game and not the long game. Being short sighted and lost is why an addict agrees to treatment in the first place…unless of course the addict?is just on probation or just seeking temporary shelter.

But for those seeking clarity in their lives, I think it’s probably best to figure out what you need in the short and the long game. Figure that shit out before entangling yourself with the addiction life of another addict.

In my experience, ‘real’ romance occurs when you choose someone for no reason. As soon as one starts listing the reasons for their attraction, the romance actually downgrades to ‘use’.

It’s the same with addiction. You can choose a life worth living, but as soon as you apply reason to your addiction, you are done. If you can reason anything one way, you can also reason it’s opposite later.

For example, it is reasonable not to smoke cigarettes for a number of reasons. I smoked a pack and a half daily and I had lots of reasons not to smoke.

1.?My teeth were yellow and my clothe stank.

2.?When I started smoking cigarettes were only 35 cents a pack and now they’re $9.00.

3.?I suppose the biggest reason was it is a proven fact that cigarettes would most likely kill me and possibly the death would be agonizing.

Do you think that stopped me??Hell no!!! I just had to say NO and for no reason at all.?