Musings from Quarantine: Spiritual journey

There’s so much fear in the world. I was oblivious to it before. Or I was choosing not to focus on it. A lot of anger too. Some would say fear and anger are the same thing. Or at least that anger stems from fear. Either way, I’ve been feeling it. From others. And perhaps within me too. Confusion also. And a bit of uncertainty. And then at other times clarity, calm and peace. Basically a bit of a jumble of emotions. But when I take a step back, and detach, I’m actually in a good place. I always was. And always will be. Forever more. If that sounds deep, you should read the book I’m reading. That will blow your mind. Or it has mine. “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer. You may have read it. You may have not. It’s definitely a good one and has revealed to me how much I have inside me to unblock before I can fully experience bliss. Some people don’t believe such a state exists. I do. I’ve experienced it. I don’t live in that state continually but I’ve had moments of it. When I’m so perfectly aligned that I feel more alive than I have ever felt with every fibre and cell that makes up my physical experience on this earth. 

Maybe being in quarantine followed by lockdown for the past six weeks has taken its toll. I don’t know. If I’m with my nuclear family then I find we get into our own bubble. I don’t really watch the news and I certainly don’t monitor the death count in all the different countries. I know some people who do. I don't know why. There’s nothing we can actually do about it other than maintain social distancing, wash our hands regularly and practice general hygiene. When you think that our planet is 4.54 billion years - give or take 50 million years apparently - and that we are spinning around the middle of nowhere it kind of puts things in perspective. Or it does for me. As shocking as this sounds, COVID-19 is just a blip in our planet’s history. But if there is an infinite intelligence, an intelligence that keeps all the planets in the universe spinning and the sun rising and setting every day, an intelligence that is responsible for our beating hearts, breathing lungs and the hundreds of thousands of chemical reactions that take place inside each and every one of our trillion cells (we don’t have to think about it, they just do it, automatically) then what is going right now, in the very grand scheme of things, is not so bad. Even as bad as it might feel to us in the given moment. And that’s only because we are attached to the outcome. We are attached to our physical bodies. We are attached to our physical experience on this earth. Instead of focusing on being happy. Within ourselves. No matter what is going on. 

When I was child I was told, very matter of factly, that there is only one certainty in life. That we are born and then we die. I was also told that we are always alone. And that we are born alone and we die alone. Pretty macabre for an eight year old to deal with. Or at least when it’s put like that with no real context. Fast forward almost forty years and I heard my four-year-old daughter crying that she’d been left alone by her twin. That she was all alone. I found myself remembering the words I’d been told as a child. I almost uttered them. And then I realised. She’s not alone. None of us are. We never have been. We never will be.

Yes the reality of our existence on this planet is that we are born and that we die. But we are not alone. We are all connected. We have just forgotten we are. So I’ve told my kids that I am always with them. Inside them. This is because God/Source Energy/Spirit/The Universe is inside me. And it is inside them. And God is love. Ergo we are love. And so we are always connected. 

We don’t like to talk about God. I don’t have a problem with it. But I know other people do and for a long, long, long time I’ve cared what other people think. But it doesn’t really matter what anyone thinks. Not when you really consider that we are here for just the blink of an eye and then it’s over. If we really lived in the moment. Savoured every waking moment we have on this earth, we’d realise it’s a gift. A real gift. And that what makes it a gift is the fact that we are going to die. We are so afraid of death, when there’s nothing to be afraid of. Not really. Death is just a new chapter in our existence. If we are living in the moment, truly living and savouring life, and every experience and event happening before us, then we have no regrets. And when we have no regrets there is nothing to fear or cling to. Or so the theory goes.

I’m not very enlightened. In fact I’m not enlightened at all. But I do think a lot and I do know that when you’re in spirit and truly aligned with feels true to you then you feel light and airy and free. When you attach to lower vibration thoughts, you feel heavy, anxious; depressed, even. I know. I’ve been there. And it’s not a nice state to be in. 

To be honest I’ve been enjoying the downtime during lockdown. I can’t say my day-to-day has been affected. It’s been great to slowdown and reconnect with myself. I’ve been doing a lot of growth, personal and spiritual, which hasn’t been easy - there’s a reason we call it growing pains - but it’s certainly been eye opening and ultimately rewarding. I’ve been able to focus on where else I need to learn to let go and surrender. Where else I have room for growth. A lot of growth, I’ve discovered. 

I resist a lot of good in my life. I also resist having my ego challenged. I cling to thoughts and fears as if my life depends on it. I don’t know why since I know if I just let them go I’d free up a lot of energy. It takes energy to worry and obsess about the future. A future we have no control over. We can’t control events. We can’t control tomorrow. We can only live in today and experience every event put before us like the epic gift in our life journey that it is. Our real careers are how we choose to live our lives. Whether or not we are being fully present and aware of our consciousness. Are we living in spirit and connecting to an energy Source much greater and more magnificent than anything on this earthly plane we could ever imagine? Are we truly alive? When we are in Spirit we come alive. We can feel it. Coursing through our veins. It’s a connection with the Divine. It’s bliss. 

I think about all these things during this time. I feel comforted. I know the truth. I know it to my core. But I don’t always dare share it. Why? Because there is fear everywhere and perhaps I get engulfed by the fear too. Scared to rise up and speak my truth. Speak what is true for many. Or perhaps I am alone. But no, I know this not to be true. Yes we are born alone and we die alone, but we are never truly alone. Not ever. I know this to be true. Do you?