Museletter the Sixty-sixth

I was raised by wolves. Okay, no, not literal wolves, like Mowgli in the Jungle. You know how that phrase "raised by wolves" indicates a certain disregard for order or regimen — a somewhat resigned judgement that the person in question can perhaps be excused for their feral and untamed nature because, poor thing, they were never taught any better.

While the most feral and untamed thing about me is my hair, I nevertheless still proudly insist: I was raised by wolves.

Of course, if you met my parents, you wouldn't think them lupine — they all seem very… parental. But to me, they're wolves: four radicals who stumbled on (and over and around and into) one another over the years. They howled at each other, in their own, human ways. Each so different than the rest, yet following a similar path in life: from fitting the mould to shattering it, intent on independence yet also fiercely loyal.

Faced with the stifling expectations of family — of the shoulds and oughts and this-is-the-way-it's-dones — the wolves set out to break the rules and co-create a new world. Along the way, my sister and I were born, raised, encouraged, discouraged, allowed to roam, and occasionally thrown a rope as we fell into one trouble or another. Of course, we were also saddled with expectations and shoulds and oughts and this-is-the-way-it's-dones. After all, the wolves were still pack animals, and for all their many college degrees and best intentions, they still only knew what they knew.

I know they tried their best. And so perhaps its not surprising that my sister and I each grew to be wolves of a sort ourselves, and to find other wolves who, like us, wanted to fit the mould and then break it, fiercely loyal and independent, hunting for our own new worlds. And we raised our own packs of wolves with hard to tame hair, with a skeptic's eye and an optimist's dream.

Racism and Theater

Add to the long list of things I rarely think about because I'm (more or less) Caucasian: That some actors are targeted by racists when they play characters that white folks don't think should be played by people of color.?What?!

Case in point: Moses Ingram, John Boyega, and other actors of color who play significant roles in the Star Wars film and television universe. And there are "fans" who are so upset by seeing Star Wars characters with dark skin that they brutally attack the actors on social media.?

So, it's okay for characters to look like lizards or slugs or be covered in scales, but a real human with darker skin pigmentation is somehow so offensive that you go out of your way to lash out??

When I was in college, my friend Kimberly played the role of Hamlet. She was, after all, the best actor in the cast and it quickly became obvious that, especially in fiction, it doesn't matter what your outside bits look like — if you're a good enough actor, if you can carry the role, you can take the audience on the journey. That's what it's all about.

Racism, sexism, transphobia, ageism, ableism… these are all ways we show our own fears and limitations. I mean, sure, I've sometimes found myself wondering why they would cast that "kind" of person for some role. But the appropriate response to this thought is to note it, feel a little embarrassed inside, and try to do better next time.?

Number Feeling

Do some numbers feel better to you than others? Do you enjoy 72 more than 73? Is 99 more satisfying than 100? And isn't it interesting that numbers have a feeling at all?

It's possible that number-feel is a form of synesthesia, where the wires in our brains seem to cross — in extreme forms (for example, under the influence) we can smell sounds or hear colors. Why not feel numbers?

However, I think this phenomenon is closer to subitizing: the experience of recognizing numbers without counting them. For example, if you see three rocks on the ground, you don't have to count them 1, 2, 3; you just look and you immediately know the number. We can subitize easily up to 5 objects… after that we tend to create patterns: we see six objects as two groups of three, and so on.

But I wonder if our affinity or aversion to other, larger numbers is similarly based on this innate sense of recognition.

Or perhaps it's just an extension of our ego and personality. I love 13, but I think it's only because I was born on the 13th. And my two favorite times of day are 3:14, because I like the number π. I hate waking up seeing :00 or :30 on the clock, but perhaps this belies an underlying discomfort with normality. (If I want to wake around 6, I set an alarm for 5:58 or 6:02, but never 6:00!)?

What numbers do you like? Are there numbers that give you a tingling ASMR reaction? Others that make you feel uncomfortable?

Thank You!

I enjoy sharing my musings… and I enjoy hearing yours! Please share this newsletter with a friend,?follow me on LinkedIn, and send me feedback. You can always reach me at [email protected]