Is a mum a good hire?

It has been quite a scary thing to post this. I am not a writer, nor am I someone who shares personal stories on LinkedIn. The fear of being judged has stopped me from posting this sooner.

I was recently talking to a girlfriend of mine about how my husband falls asleep in a milli-second and I take hours. We were laughing about how long it takes for the snoring to kick in, while we sit there in our own heads going through lists of tasks and assessing the day. I started to think about why this was and came across an article about how women's brains work differently, how we find it hard to cut off from emotions and thoughts, and it got me thinking (ironically). 

We are often so scared to talk about the life of a full-time working mum in fear of being judged or deemed not good enough. I certainly have felt the need to hide the fact that I am a parent through fear of being overlooked for a job.  However, during lockdown, I found myself having to be the ultimate master of multiple hats. We are not alone and supporting each other is imperative, as so many people face mental health issues due to stress, worry and feeling alone. If we all talk about the challenges, instead of painting this perfect picture on social media, maybe we can start to put less pressure on ourselves trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. 

I started to tell my friend about what my day had entailed and realised she shared an almost identical day to me. The fact that I was not alone was so comforting.  

What does my typical day look like?  

A typical day for me is being woken up by my 4-year-old daughter jumping on my bed (time can vary!). By now, my husband is already at work as he leaves at 5am. My husband is a medical engineer and has recently been working 7 days a week on the ventilator challenge supporting our NHS through the Covid crisis.  This means that I am essentially a single working mum 6/7 days a week in order to support him.  

I wake up, get my daughter dressed, “negotiate” with my 4-year-old on what she is going to wear and to brush her teeth for more than 10 seconds! Once she is dressed, I make her breakfast and while she sits watching TV,  I shower and give myself a grand total of 5 minutes to wash my hair, do my makeup and try to look remotely presentable to the professional world. 

I then clear up breakfast, make all the beds, put a wash on timer ready for after work and have a quick clean. I then pack my work bag and my daughters' bag of teddy’s, dress up clothes and take her to the childminder or school. This is of course if the morning goes smoothly. There are many days when negotiations and tantrums can interfere with the “plan”. 

By now, I have also checked my emails in between all these tasks and know what I am walking into. I’ve texted my husband, facetimed my mum and organised any issues with school or childcare. I’ve also sent the delivery people instructions to leave my parcel with the neighbour as I’m never home and seem to have daily Amazon deliveries of items (I can never remember what I’ve ordered!) 

I then drive to work, often on the phone (hands-free) to either a colleague, client or a friend I’ve not had time to catch up with for a long time. If I don't catch up with friends in this window of opportunity, I am riddled with guilt for neglecting them.  I’m then at work all day, which by the way is the “rest” part of my day! All of this has happened pre 9am. If I get a break (depending on how busy the day is), I then sort out a list of home tasks. This could be building issues, the school tasks on “ClassDojo” app, ordering things my daughter needs, or husband needs. This also includes organising all social plans for the family. Ordering water softener salt, an online food shop, emailing the gas company who have made another mistake or sorting out the renewal of one of the many insurances. It could be anything and it seems there is always something to do or some vaccination or doctor's appointment to arrange for someone. Half term – don't even get me started! 

My workday “finished”, I drive home and phone my husband to check my daughter is ok (my husband has finished work before me and picked her up), check she’s eaten, and discuss what we are going to eat for dinner (this is often a joint effort) 

On arrival at home I’m greeted with cuddles, a happy little human (or sometimes not) and asked to go “play”. I play whilst also being on my phone sorting out any work emails or meetings that need confirming. I am then riddled with guilt that she's not got my undivided attention but remind myself that I am teaching her to be a female leader.  At no point am I annoyed by the phone interruptions as I LOVE my job! I don’t care what time someone calls me as there is no 9-5 mentality when you care about your work, when you truly love what you do, why limit the hours? We do what is needed, when it is needed.  

Eventually after bedtime, I finally get to sit and have dinner. I sort out the washing from the morning, check the post and add all the letters I need to deal with to my work bag for the next day. I add many reminders to my diary so I don't drop the ball on personal tasks, but I have been known to snooze and forget to complete quite a few. I reply to the 35 messages I’ve missed on the school “mum group” as I’ve been at work all day unable to read them at the drop of a hat. I then tidy the house from the chaos that’s been created, vacuum and water my garden (my zen relaxation time).  

Eventually I relax and catch up on LinkedIn and other social media, read up on business news and message my amazing work team on our group WhatsApp, all with the TV on in the background that I am also watching. This is mainly because it seems all the great ideas decide to flow post 10pm! We also happen to love working together and love what we do. 

Eventually it's bedtime and the time my brain truly decides to switch on. I start to make mental lists of the things I need to do the next day. Then just as I drift, a thought pops into my head “Is it PE day? Does she have a play date? Do I need to buy a present for any upcoming birthday parties?” I have learnt to keep a journal beside my bed and write down these thoughts so I can “park” them and go to sleep. 

Am I complaining? NO.  I love my daughter; I love my husband and I love my job. Why can’t I have it all? Have I thought my life would be easier if I had a smaller house with a smaller mortgage? Didn't have to work? Yes of course, I have.  But I am naturally ambitious, I am always planning my next project. My husband laughs when people say “oh you’ve finished all your home projects, now you can rest” as he knows, I'm already planning the next one before the last one is even at completion stage. Could my life be easier and simpler? Absobloodylutely! But this is who I am. I don’t do slow pace. I don’t do settling. I always want to do more, learn more, be more.  

In fact, becoming a mum only had a positive impact on my capabilities. I have learnt to do so much more in less time. I have learnt to just get on with it. I can’t tell my daughter that I am having a sick day. She doesn’t care. You must do what is needed. I don’t do it all alone, I have an amazing support network around me of understanding work colleagues, a childminder who I trust more than anyone and parents and friends who step up whenever I find myself in an “emergency”. It truly does take a village to raise a child. My work is flexible, and my boss is kind and understanding. This makes me want to do more for her, this makes me care more because she cares. She gets more out of me by being kind. I respect her. I do not fear her, but that’s a whole other article.....

So, in answer to the question- is a mother a good hire? You tell me? Do you want an organised, agile thinking, top negotiator? Do you want someone who is able to work under pressure and be called upon no matter what time of day it is?  

If this article only changes the mind of 1 employer or helps just one other parent, then I'm happy. 

Don’t judge a mum as being incapable, unreliable or less dedicated. You couldn’t be further from the truth.  To all the other mums or single dads out there trying to sustain their career, sustain their own identity, whilst maintaining a household, well done! You’re doing a great job and I appreciate you.