A much-needed reminder

There have been multiple times over the last few years when I've felt the need to gently remind those around me at work about something I consider fundamental: "We are human first."

What's compelled me to do this gentle reminding, you ask? ??

?? ?? ??

???? My colleague jumps on a virtual call 2 minutes late, then sheepishly explains her tardiness because she has been on back-to-back calls for the last four hours and had to go to the bathroom.

???? My leader apologizes for being on mute in between his time to speak and the rest of the team's because his daughter is sick and not in school. She's in the background of his office watching TV and coloring.

???? My coach joins Zoom and is shoving the last few bites of a sandwich down her throat while gulping it down with Diet Coke because she hasn't had a chance to eat and doesn't 'want to offend me' by eating during our call.

???? My client's father-in-law has been in the hospital for a week, recovering from Covid. Normally, he has our meetings in person but today, he overexplains, he's requested a virtual Google Meet call so he can be with his wife.

???? My associate at work just came back from maternity leave and tells me she didn't get much sleep last night. As a close friend, I know she's experiencing postpartum depression but she hasn't shared that broadly and I've not betrayed her confidence. She joins the call but puts in the chat that she's not on camera like everyone else because she 'isn't camera-ready'.

... SMH.

In answer to your question above, that is why.

When I first started reminding others of this foundational piece of information (and varying the ways I said it), it sounded ridiculous to my own ears, like a "How do I tie my own shoes?" question. But ... over the past couple of years, especially, I have found that my words bear repeating. To them - and to myself.

Today, I found myself positively overwhelmed with gratitude by a simple gesture that reminded me that I am 'human first'.

Those of you who know me know that I've gone through a lot of change in the last three years. My most recent change?

As of the last two days, I'm now - officially - an empty nester. ?? ?? ??

With all three of my adult-aged human kids out of the house now and 'on their own' at their respective institutes of higher education (see above for visual evidence of their grown-upness!), I now only have to worry about the youngest members of the Strong Fam. ?? ?? ??

It's been a journey and I've known it's been coming, but now that it's here, I'm experiencing all of the emotions. ?? ?? ??

So, when my sweet and thoughtful colleague Naomi messaged me yesterday telling me she was thinking of me in the midst of my new chapter - on the day my new chapter started, I found myself overcome by her kindness and remembrance of my humanity.

And as visions of my three humans swam into my mind's eye when I teared up reading her note, I immediately chastised myself for the tears. Then, I paused and just as immediately said to myself (and out loud to the four walls of my house), "Cosette, you, too, are human first." ??

Evidently, it bears repeating for all of us.

After, I couldn't help but think about that moment and wonder:

?? ?? ?? Why do we do this to ourselves, especially in the workplace?

?? ?? ?? Why do we so often feel the need to make excuses for our own humanity?

?? ?? ?? Have we forgotten that we were - gasp - people - before we found {insert current place of employment} and {insert current role/title} ??

Maybe a better question is: Why do workplace cultures, norms and professional etiquette support it? ?? ?? ??

???? ???? ???? Bottom line: I've started shifting this behavior. I'm convinced it's how we evolve workplace cultures, shift away from robotic ways and reclaim our humanity.

What can this look like? How do we act on it?

? Instead of apologizing for being off-camera or on mute, simply say, "I'm here, engaged and listening and I'm off-camera/on mute today to balance work and well-being."

? Instead of apologizing for needing to be on a virtual call instead of in-person, simply say, "Thanks so much for your flexibility with being on Zoom/Teams/Google Meet today."

? Instead of inciting our bladders to anger, simply say, "I need five minutes before our call to take a quick comfort break."

Will you join me? Perhaps, if you do, the gentle reminders will no longer be necessary.