Mthatha with Big Vik

I dial Suthers and tell him about a 1200 km mission to scope out the Eastern Cape for a new store location. He immediately says yes. No questions asked.?

We leave Durbs bright and early and drive to the Sheppy Plaza, eat a double-up breakfast from Wimpy and let the familiar flavour of road trip nostalgia engulf us.

After coffee, water and a 2 ZAR tangle with the pay toilet, we’re back on the road.

Our final destination is Mthatha, with stops at every trade town, including Harding, Kokstad, Matatiele, Mt Ayliff and Mt Frere.?

We’ve arranged to meet Viktor at Spar at the northern end of Mthatha. Through our interactions leading up to the trip, I learn that Viktor is running VIP protection.? When we meet, he introduces us to his friend Zakhe, a detective stationed in Mthatha who will also be a part of our escort.

I first met Viktor in December of 2021.

He was drinking a Castle Light man-can and driving a Ford Ranger; he came over to me at the petrol station and warned me not to go through Mthatha with my young kids, our Venter Trailer and our NT plates.

“Those guys are crazy; they’ll take your trailer, hitch it to their car, and drive off. Take the detour a few hundred metres back, and you’ll be fine”

I thanked him profusely, took the detour and went around Mthatha without issue.?Based on this and the fact that he is the only person in Umtata I know, I called him to help when we conceptualised this tour.

Viktor and Zakhe climb in the car to escort us to our accommodation and begin our tour of Mthatha. Viktor is a large man, wearing an undersized Replay jeans t-shirt that barely conceals his large tummy and firearm. I can see from the bulge on Zakhes waistline that he’s also carrying. I don’t know if this makes me feel safer.?

Viktor is slightly unsure of his role in this tour and asks as much. We tell him we’re simply looking around for a shop and trying to get a feel for Mthatha.

He shows us to a busy trade area and walks into a day clinic. He asks them what card machine they use and instructs them to use iKhokha. His characteristically gruff voice and visible firearm is a site to behold. I cringe and smile. This is too much. I’ve got a VIP security guy and a detective showing us around Umthatha and demanding sales ??

Despite his burly appearance, Viktor is a great guy and we chat through the nuances of Umthatha the whole afternoon. Along the way we stop for beers at a local Lounge and drive with said beers to the Shisa Nyama around the corner.

Viktor selects our meat - thinly cut t-bone steaks - the lady behind the counter cuts them to size from a huge side of beef for us, and Viktor then hand-selects our braai master, nicknamed “Ramaphosa”.

After two beers, we quickly re-nickname him to simply ‘Posa’. You pay him R20 and he’ll expertly cook and spice your meat for you and deliver it to your table.?

The steaks land in front of us, cooked and spiced on the wax paper we bought it in. Viktor opens his Opinel penknife, cuts a strip of steak for himself and hands the blade to me. We each repeat the process, eating a delicious piece of expertly cooked steak whilst swigging overpriced Coronas.

We get to know the guys and swap stories about where we each come from. Zakhe shows me his string of firearm licenses and his cop badge. They’re both born and bred Umthathians and love it here but admit that it’s a wild place where crazy shit happens. Like murder, theft and robbery, but also business.?

For context, there are 6 Debonairs pizza stores, 6 Superspars, and 17 PEP stores across their home, cell and clothing outlets—mindblowing numbers for a place where the population is a quarter of the size of Pietermaritzburg.

On our way out of the restaurant, we pass by the large basin where you wash your hands before and after your meal. I ask Viktor about its purpose.

One of the patrons addresses Viktor in Xhosa and says something along the lines of “ufundisa uMlungu” which - when combined with tonal inflection means, “Ey, you are teaching the white man”

Embarrassingly enough, I know only a smattering of Xhosa. So I replied in English that, yes, we were learning, that the meat was absolutely delicious and…. Ramaposa cooked it!” Laughing out loud as I say it.

He looked at me with a broad smile spreading instantly across his face

“Howwwuuu you can hear me??!” He thunders.

We share a micro-moment, and then the 2 Mlungus exit the building with the 2 Umthatha heavyweights.

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This is Part 1 - if you like it or you don't - please comment and let me know.

PS: The spelling of Mthatha is a moving target. You can either spell it Umthatha, Mtata, Mthatha or Umtata. I decided to use Mthatha ??