Moving In: When and How Pop the Question Without Scaring Him Away

Wondering when to move in together?

While merging spaces with your significant other can be a wonderful way to allow your relationship to grow and further test your compatibility, it can also be a relationship death sentence if executed too early. This fact, combined with males’ storied history of being scared away by increased commitment, means that deciding when and how to pose this important question requires a good deal of forethought.

At Dating With Dignity, I’m here to help guide your thinking process so that when you decide to broach this significant topic, it will not only be at the right time but a seamless and positive experience that takes you closer to “I do!”

1. Know Your “Why!”

Outside pressure can be more powerful than you think; so before suggesting to cohabitate, strip away any unwelcome urging from parents or friends and see if you can come up with a list of five strong reasons that you want to live with this person. If the majority of them aren’t related to the sheer convenience of a shared living situation, it may be time to turn in your old keys. However, if as you delve into the idea it feels more like a huge leap than a natural progression, I suggest holding off.

2. Test the Waters

If you’ve reached the point where you’re considering asking him to move in, it’s likely you’ve adopted some of the habits of a cohabiting couple already. Find small ways over the next month or two to take your current situation a step further to both gauge his interest and ease him into the idea. If he already leaves his toothbrush at your place, replace it with a new one when you see its getting worn out. Start referring to your place or his as “home” in a collective sense and even give him his own set of keys. If you have odd jobs around your place that need attention, ask him to fix it instead of doing it yourself or calling the super. If he seems uncomfortable or uneasy at any of these gestures, it may be a sign that he’s not ready.

Finally, take time during a positive experience (at dinner, on a hike, or doing something fun together) to casually collect information on his relationship goals. Being curious rather than confrontational ensures that you still allow him to take the alpha role and do the official “asking.” Using an approach such as “I’m really enjoying the way our relationship is progressing. What are your views/opinions on living together, in general?” is a good way to have a freak-out free conversation!

3. Be Practical

Once you’ve given the concept some honest thought and feel you’re ready, introduce the idea to your significant other in the most casual, practical fashion possible. After all, moving in together does carry a number of logical benefits in addition to the romantic ones, such as saving on rent and utilities and the sheer convenience of sharing a place when you already spend most of your time together as it is. Men are pragmatic at the core, and by presenting the idea in such a context, it is more likely to be received as a logical solution than an intimidating milestone.

Have a question or something to add? Leave it in the comments below. Thank you for reading!