Moving Through Grief

One thing I’ve learned from grieving, is that everything of significance can be traced to love.?

Is it any coincidence that my mother was a grief therapist, that 5 of my 6 direct ancestors died in their 60’s, that I managed a memorial forest for 5 years where I consoled grieving families, and that I have recently lost one of my closest people??

Why all this death? All this grief for one person, one family? I have a lot of questions. Definitely more than answers, EVEN after 5 of my closest and dearest have left me in the past 20 years.

It will be 20 years in October that the storm of grief began. Each October, I brace myself for the reminders. My parents both passed in October, 2 years apart. First my dad, then my mom. My grandfather right in between them. Then only 6 years later it would be my auntie. Then 6 weeks ago my sweet cousin. My sister. My best friend. She was only 55.

What am I to learn? Why has this been my experience? These events of loss had nothing to do with choices I had made. The experiences that have shaped me have been completely out of my control. Yet they are so part of who I am. I contemplate this often.

I’ve spent a significant time ‘in grief’ over the course of my life. Even before the 20 year storm began, I lost many of my great aunts and uncles in my large Italian family. Beginning at age 5, someone was always dying.

So, at what point does this turn into newsletter worthy content and not just a personal blog??

Now.

I have learned some things during my life about what to do during grief. Not how to grieve or what to say to someone who is grieving, but WHAT TO DO in my own time that supports my state of being.?

Keep reading for my list of self care must-haves that are free, and in some cases save you money! Try them out for yourself or pass along to someone you love who needs some ideas.

Pause your alcohol consumption: Whether you don’t consume for 5 days or 5 months, take a break and see what happens. Believe it or not, drinking alcohol takes a lot of time, and it is frankly not good for you. I did say self care ;)

Spend time in nature: Since I moved from my 40 acres to a suburb, I am painfully aware that I need to make a point to ground myself outside. Time in green spaces without devices is essential to our care. “Spending time outdoors in green spaces has been linked with myriad physical and mental health benefits, including lower mortality”, according to Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health’s Heather Eliassen.?

Leave time to grieve, even schedule it: Use your calendar to block off time to do something you did with your loved one, to make a meal that reminds you of them. Or to take a bath and cry. Whatever you are feeling at the moment, you can dive deeper if you have time set aside.

Go easy on yourself: Compassion Compassion Compassion. My three tips for a healing life! Seriously though, we are getting beat up everywhere we turn by this life, so why not be a safe haven for yourself? Save the criticism for politics you are passionate about. Give yourself grace, understanding and forgiveness.

Practice manual lymphatic drainage: Follow Dr Caitlin Czezowski for Full Body Lymphatic Drainage tips. I will be sharing a head drainage video shortly over on YouTube. Subscribe so you won’t miss out. This free and easy practice has extensive benefits for your body and soul.?

Write: Brain dumping helps you sleep at night. Writing helps to decipher the chaff from the seed. Memories are preserved when you put pen to paper. Your story is important too.

Strength Train: The benefits of heavy lifting are numerous. Aside from the physical benefits, it nourishes me to know that I am utilizing the earthly body I was blessed with and that I am doing my best to be here as long as I can with the people who love me. The people who depend on me. The people who know me better than anyone.?

Self care is love for yourself. When you lose someone, you have love that doesn’t have an earthly?home like it did before. During the reorganization of your love ecosystem, you have the opportunity to direct that love to your own body and being.

What I learned from my mother, who was a grief therapist, has proven true. Grief is not something that ends. It will be with you, whether you call it by its name or not. Finding a way to incorporate loss and its teachings into your life is grief. Grief is the expression of love you have for your person, your relationship, their love for you.?

Hopefully it helps you or someone you know to look at grief in this way. I guess unlike the title of this newsletter, moving through is not the point.? Instead, we can try to move with the waves, understanding that while we cannot control life and death, we can control the way we love ourselves.?

Please share your experience with grief and with managing your health in the toughest times. I’d love to know how you are doing.?

Xoxoxo,? Terri Lynn

P.S. I’m writing a book on menopause! Please reach out if you’d like to tell me your story!

P.P.S. I’m offering my 90 days for 90 dollars through September if you want to do some virtual strength training! I have room for 6 new clients!