Moving Out of The Clouds

By John R. Nocero & Terri Christensen

Has the Pandemic Changed You? It changed me.

I learned two things over the past five months—reconnect and seize the moment or it will pass you by. When the pandemic started, I lived a pretty normal life, or so I thought. But when I look back on it now, one thing I was missing, perhaps ignoring, was meaningful connections. But not just to my wife, or my son – that’s a given.

Where were my friends? Not my colleagues. Not My neighbor, who I wave at when I go to the mailbox once a week or the clerk at the BP that I say “hey” to when I buy a five-hour energy and a PayDay on Saturday mornings. My friends. I am not alone apparently. Is it middle age? I am not sure, but why is it the older I get I seem to miss my friendships from days gone past? I am sure you have that friend, the friendship you felt 100% authentic in their presence, you accepted them for who they are and vice versa, you explored, laughed, cried and it just..well clicked? Well they are gone. And you know why. Life. Life happened, you went one way they went another. You met other people, classmates, co-workers, you juggled your schedule, your spouses and your kid’s schedules and slept on the couch. Life went on.

Until one day, a reminder in my social media feed. It was her birthday. I hadn’t talked to her in years. She was influential in my career when I started in clinical research. That was 2003. Had it been that long? Indeed. So I sent a message. Hey, happy birthday. She responded. “Thanks!” and then I dropped it-for a minute. The leader within me said, I needed to reconnect, so I sent a note that said “Look, I haven’t talked to you in years, but I remember how important you were to me years ago when I first started in health. I miss you and would like to catch you up on me, my marriage, my son and hear about your family.” I got a one-word response. Absolutely.

We set up time to chat and we talked for an hour. Old times, good times everything in between. Was it weird? Of course! I hadn’t talked to her in years. But I have gotten better with telling people I love them and I miss them. And I am not embarrassed about it. So I did it. And after that, I got off the phone. And broke down. Cried. Sobbed. That conversation broke something into a whole new part that new friends, ever never ever replace the people that helped you get to the next level.

No one tells you, when you transition into adulthood, parenthood and midlife how badly you will miss those friendships, more than you ever knew. There is something about growing and reconnecting with someone through a time of transition. Since that conversation, we have e-mailed a couple times, and right now I am waiting to hear back, but our rekindling reminded of Muhammad Ali’s quote,

“Friendship…is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything”.

I know we have grown separately, but the roots have been entwined. If you have friends, colleagues and family members that you have hesitated to tell them that you admire them reach out-today. Send them a note. Tell them how much you value them. Share with them that you admire their resilience, their morals, talk baseball, or just thank them for giving you some of the best memories you could ask for. Growing apart does not change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side. Our roots are tangled. I am glad for that.

As leaders, the pandemic forces us to challenge our own personal paradigms. We all have friends, family, and colleagues that helped us get to the next step. We need to thank those people before we take the next step. Our journey and dreams are dependent upon it!

As you reflect on your upcoming week, I would like to ask you consider doing the following:

Reach Out to One Person That Made a Mark on Your Life. Tell them how important they were and are to your journey.

What is your WHY? How can you maintain stability in instability?

Seize the Moment. Take a moment to reflect on your life—Now. Say yes to what you want post pandemic. How do you see yourself post-pandemic? What are you going to do today to make it happen?

We will always have something bigger, but we need remember that the metrics are lost if we lose ourselves in the process. Reconnect with those that are important to you, so that the metrics are meaningful and joyful—listen to your story.

References:

Devries L (2020). Dear Childhood Friends. I thank you and I miss you. Retrieved from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/dear-childhood-friends-thank-you-and-i-miss-you/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=Dear+childhood+friends%2C+thank+you+and+I+miss+you&utm_campaign=Dear+childhood+friends%3A+thank+you+and+I+miss+you