Moving On From a Negative Narrative That Just Isn’t You

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you. - Maya Angelou

One of my children is prone to nightmares (you might empathize with that plight). As a college student, I'm not unsure if their arrival is the result of too much stimulation, too little, or simply a restless mind on the cusp of entering the real world. No matter how we unpack their presence, they are unexpected and certainly unwanted. For better or worse, it seems that even while we sleep — our brains create stories — slinging together the disparate conversations and random observations that are a part of our everyday lives.

Ultimately, the narratives that we hold about ourselves and others play an important role in our lives.

Stories are a part of workplaces as well.

These tales can capture an organization's culture, a miscommunication, a stellar contributor performance or a dysfunctional leader. We, and the people that surround us, are woven together somehow — and the stories that are constructed concerning our strengths, weaknesses and contributions are vital. Our managers, colleagues and clients, help create the backstory for the stage on which we find ourselves.

When we are faced pivotal workplace situations, a misstep or a marked difference in opinion, the outcome can become an important inflection point. A seemingly simple occurrence, such as a client presentation that didn't click or a tense discussion concerning strategy — can create fertile ground for story — lingering not only in our memories, but in the minds of others. (This dynamic can affect groups/organizations just as easily as individual contributors.) On one hand, these moments can simply become another piece of lore. However, when a narrative emerges about your workplace presence that leans negative — and doesn’t truly reflect the real you — the situation can become troubling. The emerging story can have a bit of a domino effect. You may notice that interactions toward you change — and normal patterns of contact/inclusion shift. Regardless of the effects, the root problem should be addressed.

If possible, the situation should be discussed openly. Share the situation with someone you trust beforehand, including the events leading up to the event that you feel are central, what transpired and what you have been noticing since that event. Explore what might have led to that point and if the situation can be saved. (This allows us to move past the impasse.) Then, if possible, address the situation with the parties involved. Be clear that the situation isn’t acceptable and that it is uncomfortable. Make every effort to provide information to counter the confusion and discuss how the narrative effects your work. Hopefully, this shifts the dialogue.

However, if you suspect that the poorly deemed decision, opinion or action has begun to negatively define you and cannot be revised or addressed — it may be time to reconsider your surroundings. (Remember that people have their own struggles and agendas. These have absolutely nothing to do with you. I've found that individuals who feel a sense of entitlement or feel superior to you status-wise. are most troublesome.) When a negative narrative is written that appears to be set in stone, this can become an extremely unhealthy place. Consider the longer-term effects on your role and psyche. These types of situations can invade our own internal narrative concerning our abilities and our work. Ultimately, you should be surrounded by those who see the best in you , and you in them.

If necessary, consider exploring a new stage.

Make it your mission, to move beyond the impasse.

Ultimately, a narrative shouldn’t define you — unless it is your own.

Please accept this post in the spirit it is offered: to be helpful. Personal experiences are varied and complex.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, where she currently serves as an Organizational Development Advisor at Gapingvoid. She is a charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program and her thoughts on work life have appeared in various outlets including Talent Zoo, Forbes, US News & World Report, Quartz and The World Economic Forum.