Moving forward with dating in 2020
Late last year, I made a promise. It wasn’t quite a resolution but more of a “I need to put more effort into this” thought. For 2020, I wanted to be intentional about finding a great relationship with an eye towards getting married and building a family. The reason why this wasn’t a 2020 resolution is that it’s long overdue.
If I flashback any time frame – 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, back then, I imagined this would have happened by now. Getting married and having kids is always something I wanted and envisioned for myself.
So, when I got to the end of 2019 and looked ahead to the new year, I decided it was time to be more purposeful and intentional about this. My last relationship ended in 2017 and since then, dating has been a sporadic, occasionally haphazard experience. I decided to go into 2020 with a new attitude and a renewed optimism.
Like many single people, I use mobile dating as a primary means to meet people. I came of age during the online dating days in the early 2000s, back when it was still seen as part-taboo, part-niche to be putting yourself out there on a dating website. Today, dating through mobile tech is not only common, it’s expected.
Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Happn, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid – they sound like the name of hip retail stores. There are so many dating apps and avenues, each with its own function and form. The access to a pool of single people to match and connect with is vast and at times overwhelming. As a result, dating has, in my opinion, become both easier and that much harder. It’s not hard to find someone to meet for a drink or cup of coffee. But finding true connection, that’s still challenging. If the proverb about the “needle in the haystack” is true, then mobile dating has simply increased the size of the haystack without making it any easier to find the needle.
On New Year’s Day I connected with someone on Tinder. We started chatting and immediately moved to text. We had a great rapport and based on her profile, we were looking for the same things.
I immediately asked her out and she agreed. We set a dinner date for the following Saturday. When it comes to dating, I find it best to schedule the date after exchanging a few messages.
I was excited and she communicated that she was looking forward to it.
Then, a few obstacles got in the way. She got sick during one of the worst cold and flu seasons in recent years. We had to postpone our date and finding a time to reschedule became challenging. We both have busy work schedules and her bug stayed with her for almost three weeks.
Towards the end of January, she recovered but was in the throes of a hectic work project. We managed to schedule a date for Saturday night, late in January, and I made reservations at the same place we were originally supposed to meet at.
That morning, she texted me that her boss was making her work through the weekend so she asked if she could “flip the script” and change our date to drinks that afternoon. Since I was free that day, having just completed the final edits of my upcoming book, I was flexible and said yes.
We met up for drinks and despite the delays, the last-minute schedule changes, and a rushed first date, I had a blast. I felt the same rapport that we established through texts over the past week. We mutually agreed that it was refreshing to have a great conversation that flowed as if we’d known each other for years. I said that I would like to see her again and she enthusiastically accepted.
What happened afterward? You can find out on this week’s podcast.
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In the meantime, I’d like to share some of my best hacks for mobile dating when you have a busy schedule.
So, this leaves us with an age-new conundrum. With so many apps, so many potential matches, and so little time, how do you make the most of the plethora options and the often confusing, sometimes frustrating landscape of mobile dating?
I’ve taken what I call a “smart swipe” approach, which I detail below.
Smart swipe
As we approach Valentine's Day, whether you're in a relationship, single, searching, or not, I wish you the best for 2020. Happiness is appreciating what you have as you continue looking ahead to the possibilities.
John
John's coloring book,?Corporate Cliches,?is available for sale on?Amazon?and?Barnes & Noble online.
Moving Forward?276?is available on all major podcast outlets.
John Lim (Twitter:?@bemovingforward) is a?TEDx speaker, author, and Poshmark ambassador. His articles on Cobra Kai:?How Cobra Kai is kicking butt at storytelling, marketing, and business?(2018) and?Why 'Cobra Kai's' move to Netflix is the perfect sequel?(2020) are his most read on LinkedIn to date. John has been featured in?Cracked.com,?Authority Magazine, and Inc. John currently hosts the?Moving Forward?podcast. He is the creator of the?Corporate Cliches Adult Coloring Book, available now on Amazon.