Moving... Again? (Part 2, with Tips)

This is part two of the author's story about the emotional stress of moving. To read part one, click here.

I just had a feeling if I planted roots in Washington state, a serious relationship would follow. I moved to Spokane in May 2018. Six months later, I met Rusell.

The next summer, a small group of intimate friends joined us on Mercer Island as we exchanged vows. We were that sure that quickly that we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. Our values as human beings are so aligned, it almost makes a skeptical journalist believe in fate.

But that's my journey.

Yours may be very different.

So if you find yourself having to move again for your career or personal reasons, I wonder what you do to keep yourself grounded, to make each new apartment feel like home. After all, moving is commonly cited as one of the more stressful experiences in one's life.

Here are some tips I've thought of:

1. Keep a box or suitcase specifically for toiletries, paper plates, and Solo cups. It's no fun finally getting to your new city at midnight or 1 a.m. and having to search which box has your toothbrush in it so you can go to bed. Not to mention, I'm usually craving a snack around then. So having paper plates and some cups that are easy to find will lower your stress level upon entering your new place.
2. Walk the city. I don't believe you ever truly know a town until you've walked it. You get a much better read on neighborhood and restaurant vibes this way than if you are always zooming by in a car. If you're a journalist, you need this information, too. You need to intimately know the city you're about to cover. Just make sure you walk when and where it's safe.
3. Keep your usual schedule. Most of us are creatures of habit and take comfort in schedules. If you're used to going to the gym after work, try to start doing that before your new job starts. Aerobic exercise does wonders for the blues and anxiety, by the way. In fact, researchers often find exercise works better than antidepressants. And you don't need a gym. Walking your dog counts. Walking in the park counts.
4. Re-use some of those familiar decorations. Just as we humans like to keep to a schedule, we often take comfort from seeing mementos that we've stared at a thousand times in our new home. It's also actually disgusting how much we Americans tend to throw away. So keeping some or all of your familiar decorations will be good for the planet, too.
5. Be gentle with yourself. Moving is hard, even for adults. It can make us feel insecure because our brain doesn't yet know for itself if your new apartment complex is safe, no matter what your new friends at the station told you. The brain also likes to question whether you were really, really dumb in making this move in the first place. And if you're single, it likes to try to tell you, "Here you go. Starting all over again. You'll be lonely forever." But if you're in a relationship, it likes to chastise you with punishing thoughts like, "You're such an egomaniac. Career, career, career. It's all about you. If you were a good person, you would've put your relationship first." So remind yourself of why this move is important to your development as a human being. Take plenty of hot baths or showers – or whatever your favorite self-care activity is – and get plenty of sleep. The moving boxes will still be there in the morning. You can work on unpacking them at your own pace.

Here are more tips on staying emotionally healthy during a move from Very Well Mind, the UK's Benenden Health, which includes a nifty checklist, and Psychology Today's website. I purposely didn't read these until I had finished my list for you. It's fun seeing where they align and where they differ from mine. The deal is, do what's best for you.

Happy Pride Month! If you're a journalist who identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community, would you consider taking my survey about homophobia in news organizations? It'll be used for an upcoming #pride2023 edition of "We've Got Issues."

I think that homophobic microaggressions in newsrooms, as well as overt discrimination of LGBTQ+ employees, is a topic that needs to come out of the closet.

What's your experience?

5 questions. 2 minutes.

You can take the survey anonymously here: https://7pzpsfo80rv.typeform.com/to/a4QfHfAQ

What I'm Reading:

Women running for office still not treated equally by journalists

A new analysis of nearly 9,200 articles in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal suggests journalists are still writing differently about women candidates for political office as compared to men seeking power. In summarizing the study, PsyPost notes that the researchers found "female candidates are more likely to be described as 'emotional' or 'compassionate,' while male candidates are more likely to be described as 'strong' or 'confident.'" Seems those stereotypes just won't die.

This study also reminds me of that one time when Pres. Obama got in trouble for wearing a tan suit and the 10,000(ish) times the chattering class focused on Secretary Clinton's pantsuits, hairstyles, and whether she dared go out in public without makeup.

"The Neuroscience of You" by UW's Chantel Prat, PhD

Brain researcher Chantel Prat at the University of Washington is out with a great book that describes how our "lopsided" brains are engineered by nature and nurture to serve our particular needs. It's an easy read, written in a style that's humorous and informative. (What is it about us GenXers that causes us to poke fun at ourselves as we write? I'll have to ponder that. But it makes for good reading in Dr. Prat's case.) The book also feels like it's part memoir, with Prat unafraid to talk about her particular anxieties in finding jobs in the past or the cute peculiarities of her daughter's brain.

You can read or listen to an excerpt here.

Matthew Nordin, LICSW, is a fully licensed psychotherapist in Washington state. He specializes in treating trauma/PTSD with EMDR. He sees clients who also suffer from anxiety, grief, major depression, and bipolar disorder. Matt’s diverse clientele includes creatives, journalists, first responders, tech workers, and adolescents, including members of the BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities. Learn more at mindful.clinic.

Matt is also a Murrow Award-winning broadcast journalist who has appeared on the BBC, CNN, ABC News Radio, CBS News Radio, and network television affiliates across the country. Matt and husband Rusell Cuya can often be found traveling throughout the Pacific Northwest with their cavalier King Charles spaniel, Harry.

Prince Harry isn't the only one who's found this to be a trying week. So has his namesake, our little prince. Harry the cavalier underwent surgery on Monday for neutering and the implantation of a microchip. He's back to running around the house after spending Tuesday recuperating. I just hope he doesn't sue me. Not only did he not appreciate the collar to prevent him licking sensitive areas, he does not like to have his picture taken on such bad hair days.

For feedback, inquiries, and speaking engagements, feel free to email Matt directly or send him a message through LinkedIn.

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