Movie Night

When I was surviving the drowsy haze of new motherhood and well rested parents of older kids chirped things like “the days are long but the years are short” or “they grow up so fast”, I now realize they weren’t just mocking my exhaustion, they were letting me in on an important secret.? What they already knew, and I would learn years later is that time speeds up as our kids get older.? My daughter, now fast approaching her twelfth birthday, never misses an opportunity to announce that she is “basically a teenager”.? Her shift from little girl to tween happened slowly and then all at once, the way late summer evenings cool almost imperceptibly before suddenly giving way completely to the crisp air and blazing red leaves of fall. And while the years are feeling shorter, I have found much to love about parenting an older kid - new friends, new conversations, new activities and for us, the welcome addition of TV and movies with actual actors to our previously cartoon-only movie night rotation.??

At the moment, my daughter’s favorite shows and movies are the classic early teen stories of first crushes, friends and generally navigating the thorny thicket of highschool.? These familiar, bittersweet stories are retold for every generation with updated fashion and soundtracks.? This was no surprise to me having grown up on a steady diet of John Hughes VHS tapes, while I waited for Jake Ryan to show up and sweep me off my feet. Seeing bits of myself reflected through the stories on screen brought much needed humor, levity and a sense that I was not quite as awkward or alone as I felt.

When we settle in for movie nights these days, I watch my daughter soak in the teen dramedy magic of friend fractures and first kisses. And I see her searching for some reflection of her own experience as a trans girl woven into the stories that she watches.

While we have been fortunate to find incredible content like Heartstoppers and Anything is Possible telling complex and joyful stories with diverse LGBTQ casts, it didn’t require a teaching moment from mom for my daughter to take note that shows and movies like this are few and far between. Despite my relentless search for age appropriate content with trans characters, my daughter reminds me repeatedly,? “there’s only ever one trans person and they’re never having a good life.”

Why is it that the few trans characters that make it into TV and movies are so often relegated to roles of misery and torment?? Accounts of crisis and struggle are important, but they are only a tiny fragment of a much bigger picture.? There is a glaring absence of stories about trans people experiencing fun, adventure, success, glamor, family, love, humor or of course joy.? Stories that are relatable, funny, or even inspiring, not only for trans people, but for anyone.

This dearth of storytelling not only robs trans people of the universally affirming experience? of relating to characters on screen, it deprives the world of a full, rich or even remotely accurate picture of trans people.? When more Americans report having seen a ghost than report knowing a trans person,? it’s no wonder that so many people are gripped by fear and misunderstanding. The dialogue about trans people and especially kids is riddled with lies and fear mongering – trans people are trying to “recruit” your child, trans kids are taking over your kids’ sports teams, or one of the most outlandish, trans identity is at the root of our teen mental health crisis.? These tropes feel shockingly foreign to me as the mom of a happy, healthy trans daughter who loves school, sports, dancing, and has much more in common with her friends who don’t happen to be trans than not.

The stories that we tell in TV and movies have the power to build understanding, empathy and even acceptance. We’ve witnessed the impact of this power to break down cultural barriers throughout history.When we open this aperture, we create the opportunity to build understanding for all of those people who have yet to know a trans person or a family like mine.? The most powerful weapon we have against this intractable campaign of hate and divisiveness is knowledge and understanding.? What we need now are more trans stories, more trans joy, more shared humanity.