The motivational power of generosity

A couple of Saturdays ago, I took the train out of New York Penn Station to go and visit a friend who lives in New Jersey. I arrived at the station concourse early and was waiting patiently surrounded by a couple of dozen other people, when there was a sudden whirl of noise and motion in front of me. A woman who was rushing for her train skidded, tripped, and face-planted squarely on the floor. Her bag tipped over and scattered its contents around her.?

Three of us who were standing nearby rushed over to help, one of them an NJ Transit official. We got the unfortunate woman into a sitting position. I put her things back in her bag while one of the other people talked to her, checking she was OK beyond being bruised and shocked. Then the woman tried to stand up, but she couldn’t quite maneuver herself upright. So I took her left hand, another took her right, and the strongest of us put his arms underneath her armpits and together we managed to hoick her up on her feet. She thanked us all. The NJ Transit staffer stayed with her to make sure that she could get to her platform safely. And then we all went on with our day.

I’m sure the woman who fell looks back on that day with gratitude for our help. But here’s the thing. It wasn’t just her who felt better for our help. I felt amazing, too. I had a rush of warmth in the middle of my chest as we all clubbed together to support her. I felt good about being alert enough and strong enough to help. And I felt a powerful sense of connection to something larger than myself – call it community, society, humanity.?

Maybe you’ve been in a similar situation, where someone needs help and you go out of your way to be useful. Maybe you stopped to give someone directions or offered to carry someone’s heavy bag up some stairs. If so, do you remember how you felt? I’m going to guess you felt pretty great, as I did on that Saturday.?

And that’s not just me projecting onto you. Research tells us that showing generosity to others is a surefire way of giving ourselves a boost in wellbeing. Marty Seligman, the father of positive psychology, said: “We scientists have found that doing an act of kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested.”?

The UN’s World Happiness Report confirms that people find their own generosity uplifting, whatever culture they’ve grown up in. When we give money to other people, our brain’s reward system is engaged in the same way as when we receive money ourselves. And even recalling kindnesses we’ve done in the past has been found to make us feel happier. So doing one favor can repay you many times when you think back on it in the future – as I am of course doing with you right now. (You can find references and read more about the science behind all of this in Chapter 20 of How To Have A Good Day.)

So it might seem counterintuitive, but if you need a boost any time this week, think about what you can do for someone else that’s a little more generous than you need to be. It could be as small as giving someone an unsolicited compliment or giving them the benefit of the doubt if they’re behaving oddly. Maybe there’s a way to do something unexpectedly delightful for a colleague or friend – send them a card, or offer to help them think through something they’re struggling with. ?

And if you’re a leader of teams or organizations, this is a crucial insight to harness. If you can remind your colleagues how their work helps real people (beyond just making your numbers) you’ll be tapping into one of the deepest universal sources of human motivation.?

So: collect stories of how your team’s work makes a positive difference. Jot down little examples when you see them, so you can share them with your colleagues. It doesn’t have to be high falutin’ stuff. Maybe one customer sent a nice note that you could share. Maybe the team’s work is making it just a little easier for colleagues in another department to get their tasks done.?

The more you make your team feel useful and helpful to other human beings, the more joy - and job satisfaction - you’ll help them have in their everyday work. Without anybody needing to fall flat on their face, ideally! ??