Motivation part III - Empathy

Empathy — “The ability to understand the feelings of another”

To set the stage, do me a solid and watch this 1 minute video.

Poor old empathy has gotten such a bad reputation :(. Too much testosterone has pushed this super effective motivational tool to the fringes.

Is empathy important?

Is the Rabbi Jewish?!

Yes of course it’s important. Just Google “most important skills of a leader” and you’ll get this and this and this oh yeah, and this.

Empathy is important because we are social beings driven from positive interactions with others and drawn to people who take interest and care about us. Practice empathy well, and you’ll not only be a good leader, you’ll be a good spouse, parent and a good friend.

So why some managers aren't practicing empathy enough?

Because we easily substitute being empathetic with being soft and because we believe that caring too much about how others feel may divert our focus from getting things done. But being attune to other’s emotions is very far from succumbing to their every need and demand.

Practicing empathy — Manager training done wrong

OK, so how do I avoid falling into the ‘soft leader’ trap?

Glad you asked! Here’s an example:

Years ago, back when I was managing a business unit, we were very low on revenue goals and I took it rather hard. One of the founders sensed that I’m not myself so he sat me down and told me that goals are not always everything and he believes in me and my team and he knows that things would eventually get better if we keep our chin up.

That 2 minute conversation was probably the best motivational boost I ever got.

Did he do it to because he was soft or because he didn’t care about goals? Nope! He did it because he understood that a happy Assaf has a better chance of meeting goals than a buzz-killing Assaf.

Need more examples of empathy? Here you go:

1. Empathy is giving harsh feedback to your employee but checking in with them later that night to see how they feel.
2. Empathy is asking someone to take a half day-off tomorrow because you saw they are nervous and being a bad influence on themselves and the team.
3. Empathy is understanding someone is going through a rough patch at home and redistributing the work in the team in order to hit our goals.
4. Empathy is understanding that your manager is also under a lot of pressure and offering a lending hand instead of talking about yourself again.

Cool, I get it now, but can I really change and be more empathetic?

Fu$% yes!

1. Listen, then shut up, then listen a bit more. Yes we’re all smart and we have a lot to say, but just the act of active listening goes a long long way.
2. If you have any team-member or peer that are disengaged lately text them right now something like "Hi, I saw that you were a bit down this week. Hope everything is ok. I'm here if you need to talk :)"
3. Next time you have a disagreement with someone at work do this - imagine you're role playing and need to defend the other person's agenda. Practice putting yourself in other's shoes.

If you want to retain your people and keep them motivated, start by truly caring about them. Trust me that nothing else is more important.

Xo,