A Mother’s Struggle with Social Anxiety and Identity Loss

We often think of procrastination as something that shows up in obvious ways—avoiding a big project at work or putting off chores. But procrastination can appear in subtler forms, ones we might not immediately recognise as avoidance. For many, it’s not just about delaying tasks but about evading deeper, more personal issues. One such example is a mother whose entire identity has been centred around her children, and when they leave the nest, she is left feeling lost, alone, and overwhelmed by social anxiety.

This is the story of Alexia. Like many mothers, Alexia spent years focusing on her children—raising them, supporting them, and building a life around their needs. Her identity became rooted in her role as a mother, and she found meaning in this role. But once her children grew up and moved on, Alexia began to feel adrift, as if she no longer had a clear purpose. The result? Procrastination—not in the traditional sense of avoiding work, but in avoiding life itself.

“I am in a rut and avoiding everything,” she shared. “I do a lot of cleaning to avoid going to work and meeting friends. I feel more comfortable procrastinating.”

Procrastination can be a coping mechanism, a way of protecting ourselves from facing painful realities. For Alexia, the loss of her role as an active mother triggered feelings of failure and anxiety. As her children moved on, she began to feel like she had nothing left to offer. Socialising became daunting because, in her mind, she wasn’t the vibrant, engaging person she once was.

“I feel like I have nothing to give anybody or talk about, except moaning or getting upset,” she said. “Why would anyone want to be around someone negative?”

This spiral of self-doubt only deepened her isolation, feeding her anxiety. Alexia started going for walks, but even those small outings were an escape from people rather than a way to connect. “I go out occasionally for a little walk to avoid people,” she admitted.

Her procrastination wasn’t just about putting off social activities. It began to seep into other parts of her life—tasks that used to be routine started to feel overwhelming. Alexia would clean obsessively, as if the act of cleaning could distract her from the emotions she was struggling to face. Or she would turn to Netflix for comfort, finding temporary relief in the distraction, but only deepening the cycle of avoidance.

When procrastination stems from emotional pain, it can be hard to recognise at first. What starts as delaying a conversation or postponing an event can eventually become avoidance of everything—life itself. For Alexia, it wasn’t just social anxiety that held her back; it was the fear that she no longer had an identity outside of motherhood. As she watched her children move forward in their lives, she felt both proud and jealous, left wondering where she fit into the world now that her primary role had shifted.

“A big trigger of this was each of my children moving on and living their lives. They are happy, and I am part jealous,” she reflected. “My identity has been being a mum, and I didn’t develop enough about myself.”

This is a reality many mothers face: when the kids leave, who am I? If our identity has been solely tied to one role for so long, the loss of that role can feel like losing ourselves. And in that uncertainty, it’s easy to start avoiding the world, to push away the things that remind us of the parts we feel are missing.

Alexia’s story is a powerful reminder that procrastination is not laziness or lack of discipline. Sometimes, it’s about fear—fear of facing the world when we no longer recognise ourselves in it. It’s about the anxiety of not knowing where we fit, and the comfort we find in distracting ourselves from that pain.

But here’s the truth: we are more than one role. Alexia, like so many other mothers, has so much more to offer than she realises. Her identity is not just being a mother—it’s in her passions, her interests, her kindness, and her potential to connect with others on a deeper level. The key is in recognising that procrastination, in this case, is a signal that something deeper needs to be addressed.

When we start to face the feelings we’ve been avoiding—when we challenge the thoughts that tell us we aren’t enough—we can begin to break free from the cycle of procrastination. And in doing so, we rediscover not only who we are but the value we still have to offer the world.

If you find yourself stuck in a similar rut, feeling like you’ve lost your sense of identity or struggling with social anxiety, know that you are not alone. Procrastination may be the way you’ve been coping, but it doesn’t have to define you. You have the power to reconnect with yourself, one step at a time.

And remember: it’s never too late to rediscover who you are, beyond the roles you’ve played.

Reclaiming Your Identity and Overcoming Procrastination

If you relate to Alexia’s story—if you find yourself avoiding life, feeling lost in your role, or overwhelmed by social anxiety—know that there’s a way forward. You don’t have to face this journey alone. A coach can help you unravel the layers of procrastination, rebuild your confidence, and rediscover your identity beyond the roles you've played.

You don’t need to wait for the "right" time to start living again. By working with a coach, you can begin to take those first small steps toward overcoming anxiety, building your self-esteem, and reconnecting with the world around you.

Ready to take that first step? I invite you to schedule a free consultation where we’ll explore your unique challenges and map out a plan to help you move forward. Together, we can create a path that feels doable, empowering, and most importantly, aligned with who you truly are.

Reach out today, and let’s start the journey to reclaiming your life and confidence.

Schedule a consultation with me using my digital calendar. Your new chapter is waiting!