A Mother's Journey Through Grief: Remembering My Son

Issue No. 003 | November 2023

I open my heart to share the most challenging journey I have ever faced - the loss of my beloved son. Each stage of grief, as defined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, brought its unique challenges and lessons. My hope is that by sharing my experience and the strategies that helped me, I can offer support to anyone else navigating this painful path.

1.???? Denial: ?The shock of losing my son initially enveloped me in a fog of denial. This stage was less about refusing the truth and more about surviving the initial pain. To navigate through it, I learned to take each day at a time, allowing myself to process the loss slowly without forcing acceptance prematurely.

Key Strategies:

• Allow yourself time to process the news at your own pace.
• Seek support from loved ones or a support group who can just be present with you in this stage.
• Engage in daily routines as much as possible to maintain a sense of normalcy.

2.???? Anger: ?As the denial faded, anger set in. I was angry at the world, at fate, and sometimes even at myself. Recognizing this anger as a natural response to my deep sense of loss was crucial. I found solace in expressing my feelings through writing and talking with close friends who allowed me to vent without judgment.

Key Strategies:

• Express your anger in healthy ways, such as writing, art, or physical activity.
• Talk about your feelings with someone who can listen without trying to fix them.
• Remember, it's okay to feel angry; it's a natural part of grieving.

3.? Bargaining: ?In bargaining, I was haunted by endless 'what-ifs' and 'if onlys'. This stage involved an internal struggle to find meaning and regain control. I found it helpful to talk in a support group who guided me in understanding these thoughts and how to cope with the helplessness they brought.

Key Strategies:

• Recognize that bargaining is a normal response to feelings of vulnerability and helplessness.
• Speak to a counselor or therapist who can help you work through these thoughts.
• Focus on self-care and self-compassion during this time.

4.? Depression: ?Depression was a profound sadness and a deep sense of loss. It's more than just feeling sad; it's a stage where the loss truly sinks in. To navigate through this, I learned to allow myself to grieve without feeling the need to 'just be strong'. Talking to a grief counselor and connecting with other parents who had experienced similar losses helped immensely.

Key Strategies:

• Allow yourself to feel the sadness without rushing to get past it.
• Seek professional help if the depression feels overwhelming.
• Connect with support groups where you can share your experience and feelings.

5.? Acceptance: Acceptance was not about being okay with the loss, but rather learning to live with it. It was about acknowledging the reality of my son’s absence and figuring out how to move forward. In this stage, I found strength in cherishing the memories and the love we shared, rather than only feeling the pain of his absence.

Key Strategies:

• Find ways to honor the memory of your loved one.
• Establish new routines and traditions that help you move forward.
• Embrace the support of friends, family, or a grief counselor as you adjust to the new normal.

This journey through grief is unique for everyone. By sharing my story, I hope to offer a glimpse of understanding and a message of hope to others. Remember, it's okay to grieve, and it's okay to seek help.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If you are on a similar journey, please know that you are not alone. Feel free to connect and share your story. Together, we can find strength and solace.

With warmth and solidarity,

Debbie Refsland - Mays

#transformationalcoach