A Mother's Grief.

"Doc, there's nothing else that I can do! We have nothing. She's used all the funds we had. I haven't been working as she needed me every day. What do I do Dr. Amy? Can't they just keep her for me? My heart hurts. My head hurts. I don't know what to do. I've already asked everyone around to help. There's just no money for it." My heart broke as I felt the pain of my patient's mom who was now facing insurmountable expenses surrounding her daughter's death.

My patient had passed from complications around her multiple chronic diseases. She had spent years of suffering, the last few of which she was bedbound at home. Despite this, she was the highlight of some of my most cheerful and jubilant visits. Today, I was with her mom who had called for help with her recent death. Mom, a former banking manager, was forced to step back from work a few years ago when her daughters' care became more demanding. There were dialysis visits three times a week, weekly physical therapy, respiratory therapy, chemotherapy, and daily wound care visits that she needed to be present for. As her daughter's sole caregiver, she was also responsible for all her daughter's other needs. Their health insurance and family savings had carried them through, but there were still a large number of expenses that needed to be addressed. Whatever monies she had left were consumed by these and their basic living requirements.

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon situation for many caregivers. The rising healthcare costs, limited insurance coverage, and unplanned medical complications that creep up as we age create a perfect storm. This is magnified in communities where caregivers start off under-resourced. For some, their loved ones prepared diligently, having purchased long-term care insurance in their younger years when it was cheaper to do so. The funds from this help cover a lot of the financial burden their caregivers face. For the family whose story is given in brief above, their resources were already exhausted by her health needs, without finances for the patient's death expenses. In 2020, the average cost of dying in the US was about $20,000.00. This does vary by state. For families who are already priced out, the options are limited. Many adults believe that Medicare will take care of all their health expenses, without realizing the limitations of this coverage. Some don't know about the less than $2000.00 limit on assets before one can become eligible for Medicaid, and even less about the wait list for certain services.

I believe that one of the greatest tragedies of aging at this time is the impact on our caregivers. The financial burden plus the stress and limitations it brings is difficult to fathom. Every day until 2030, 10,000 Baby Boomers will turn 65. Every, single, day. The current estimate is that seven out of ten of them will at some point, need long-term care services. With the rising costs of healthcare, an increase in longevity, and a shortage of home health workers, the work and cost of care fall to our family caregivers. One has to wonder how we will support them as they manage the care and expense of their aging loved ones. How do we begin to fully educate our future caregivers? How do we prevent the situation described above, which is heartbreaking and demoralizing for so many?

Ultimately, after several months, this patient received a very modest cremation and celebration of her life. There was a state assistance program that she qualified for which helped with a small portion of the cost. Her friends and other support individuals in the community joined her mom to pray and celebrate the life of her daughter. And although she was distraught about the duration of time which had passed, the patient's mother was deeply grateful for the assistance and her ability to finally give her daughter some peace. After all, shouldn't we all have a chance to mourn the loss of our loved ones?

What do you think? Tell me in the comments.