Mother's Day Tribute: Avoid “Dream Killers” and Other Life and Career Lessons I've Learned From My Mom!

10 years ago, I wrote a piece for Leading-Women.com (as part of its Personal Heros series), honoring my mom, Hilda Rwabazaire Paqui, an amazing Ugandan-born global citizen, who has been a mother, mentor, inspiration and advocate for many, during her lifetime.

I wrote the piece to share her story, because of how she is the embodiment of the African Woman of Distinction whom people seldom hear about and from whose wisdom many can potentially benefit. While the piece was written ten years ago, the timeless wisdom still applies and could be helpful to those who are seeking to improve their engagement with their stakeholders (e.g., clients, customers, students, employees), understand their purpose, and thereby increase their impact.

My mom was the born in 1945, the second of eight children to William and Kereni Rwabazaire, in Mbarara, Western Uganda. Unfortunately, her older brother, John was disabled due to polio (but has since become a leader in the local district and father to many accomplished children) — forcing her into the role of first-born and therefore, the cultural bearer of responsibility for her younger siblings –which she embraced fully and enthusiastically. She always excelled academically and then went on to a successful career starting off as a television producer and popular on-air personality (including as the host of a Martha Stewart-style lifestyle show and then as Uganda’s female version of Mr. Rogers). This was followed by distinguished service as one of the first few women diplomats posted by Uganda to the US, and then a 25-year career at the United Nations Development Programme — from which she retired in 2005 — as the second in command of its Communications Division.

She accomplished all of the aforementioned, as a single parent and while bringing the majority of her siblings to the US — who, along with their children, have gone on to succeed in their chosen endeavors.

I remember my mom’s mantra: “kids are people too” — empowering me to develop my own voice and strength at a young age – a philosophy very contrary to that of her African contemporaries. One of my fondest memories of my mom is when she had me accompany her, when I was nine years old, to the first World Conference on The United Nations Decade for Women in Copenhagen, Denmark. It was to become one of the life-defining experiences to which I now attribute my commitment to gender rights and appreciation for events organization. I remember how often she was willing to be of service to others –helping an uncountable number of people professionally, academically and financially.

During the 1990’s, my mom included me in her efforts to raise awareness and money for HIV/AIDS orphans during the height of the scourge in Uganda. I also fondly remember when she and her team at UNDP organized the NetAid concert in 1999 — the first event streamed live over the Internet. At the time, I didn’t understand its significance, in terms of the star power, the event’s technological feat and subsequent impact on global poverty alleviation — I just saw it as my mom wanting me to go to another one of her “boring” work events. These events ironically included the premier of Oprah’s movie, Beloved; a book signing by Nobel laureate, Nadine Gordimer; and a UN General Assembly performance by songstress, Mary J. Blige.

During her distinguished career, my mom traveled to almost 60 countries around the world (reporting about the impact of UNDP’s work in the field), while at the same time ensuring that I had a similar level of global exposure through my 13 years at the United Nations International School and world travel — including a High School summer vacation in Liberia to introduce me to Africa (because we couldn’t visit Uganda until 1986, due to political strife); trips to France and Mexico during my undergraduate studies (to reinforce my French studies and provide me with the American Spring Break experience, respectively); and a visit to Asia while I was in graduate school (to further expose me to Asian culture). All of the aforementioned and other experiences have enabled me to become a conscientious adult who strives to build upon what my mom and her contemporaries accomplished.

Here are the top 10 lessons my mom has taught me over the years, that I believe will be useful to others [I've bolded the ones that are most important to me today]:

1. Whenever I face new challenges, she always tells me to “Go get them Tiger” – essentially reinforcing the notion that we have what it takes to win, if we believe in and apply ourselves.

2. Never give up: that’s the motto of Gayaza, the premier girls school she attended throughout her junior and secondary education. It always helps to sustain me despite the many obstacles I face along the way.

3. You don’t need to have many friends, only a few with whom you can have true relationships: Very critical advice, given that I always used to fall into the trap of seeking many friends — most of whom ultimately ended up disappointing me. With the few deserving ones, remain loyal to them and tell them often how much you appreciate them.

4. Always seek to bring your best to situations: Focus on those activities at which you can excel and work your hardest to do exactly that.

5. Have a sense of purpose in your life: If you’re just floundering, you’ll never understand your true purpose and you will live life rudderless. Essentially, don’t try to be all things to all people.

6. Rid yourself of “dream killers”: There are many people who, based on their own feelings of inadequacy, will seek to drain you of your greatness. Weed them out of your life and keep persevering no matter what they try to do to you, even from afar.

7. Keep faith alive in your heart: the minute you allow doubt to set in, then you have to pray harder to overcome it. There’s nothing stronger than prayer with faith and ultimately action…to move you forward.

8. Think before you act: There are many seemingly unfair situations we come across to which we feel we need to react. It’s always best to take time to reflect and then respond in a more measured and reasonable manner.

9. Learn to forgive: we are all prone to making mistakes and deserve second chances.

10: Always have stationery on hand: there’s nothing better than receiving a handwritten thank you note for a good deed. Most people focus on calling, texting or emailing, but the best type of thank you is a handwritten note on high-quality stationery. [given today's COVID challenges, I now believe that a beautiful custom-designed e-card is just as meaningful as a handwritten note]