A Mother's Day Reflection...

I struggled a little this past Mother’s Day.

I struggled to reconcile all the emotions, complexity and nuance the day brings.? Because let’s face it, the day is becoming more and more complex with each passing year.

The structure of what families look and feel like is so diverse.

Gender roles aren’t as ‘typical’ as they used to be.

What it means to be a ‘good mum’ feels different to what I remember seeing from earlier generations as a child.

And – adding to all this is the added layers and complexity that comes with being a woman in today’s society.

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To work. To parent. To partner. To contribute.

As a mum…

I love my kids.

I love the keyrings and the home-made cards that come home every year on Mother’s Day (see the example in the headline image :)).

I love the efforts my girls make to arrange my vital early morning coffee and to be that little bit more compliant to all my requests.

I love my girls as people – who they are, who they are becoming, and I love thinking about the potential they have to live their lives as their whole selves.

I love their strengths and capabilities.

I love helping them navigate their weaknesses and the social structures they find themselves part of.

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In addition to the love I have for my kids and for being a mother, I also love being me too.

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I love my work and my career.

I love my studies.

I love my commitment to my own health and wellbeing

(I am not opposed to the ‘put your oxygen mask on before assisting others’ mantra).

I love keeping in touch with friends and heading out for a nice dinner with my husband on the regular.

I love having late nights every now again with my book club.

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I love that I have a full life that is multifaceted and goes beyond simply being a parent.

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And – I don’t see that as being anything to apologise for.

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I don’t always sacrifice my finite time and energy resources for my girls.

My children don’t always come first.

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Believe me when I say that there have been many sleepless nights and full days where I have put them first – and believe me when I say I have done, and will continue to do this, happily.

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I am a mum after all.

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But to say that I sacrifice everything for them would be incorrect.?

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I am acutely aware of how the choices I make every day play a role in how my daughters see me.

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They see me working every day.

They see me working on my PhD on weekends and at night.

They see me doing statistics assignments (and if I am honest, they see me struggle in finding the answers – which I actually think is a good thing).

They see me lifting weights.

They see me running.

They see me cooking for hours on weekends to make mealtimes easier throughout the week.

They see me reading books, journal articles, magazines and cookbooks.

They see me.? In all my roles.

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I am a person with a long-standing career.?

They have never known me as anything else but a working mum.

I am a PhD student with goals to achieve.

I am a reader.

I am a cook, a cleaner, an organiser, a gymnastics mum, a soccer mum, and not opposed to the odd glass of wine or fancy cocktail.

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And – I think this is great.? My girls bear witness to all of the roles I hold.

In full disclosure, I am privileged to be able to do all these things because I have a partner by my side who supports me, and my girls are willing participants in accepting this as the norm in the four walls of our home.

The concept of a village is very much alive and well in my home.

I am also incredibly grateful to be able to have this layered life where I can be all these things and more.

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For many systems in our environment are not designed to allow for this to happen for more women.? I know this, and I see this all around me.

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The opportunity cost of having to sacrifice time so that particular tasks can be done is not lost on this early career behavioural economist.? I see women having to miss out on opportunities, jobs, hobbies, and social events because of their parenting responsibilities.

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The daily opportunities lost are great.

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In many ways, all women, irrespective of whether they are parents or not, are trying hard to pave their path and work with the systems, and in some respects, against the systems to make their lives work.

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And, I think that the women who came before me, those that are around me, and those that will come after me are fabulous.

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Being a woman in the current climate is really effing hard.

Being a mum in the current climate is really effing hard.

Trying to make life fit in 168 hours every week is really effing hard.

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We are all doing our best.

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And – I think that is great.

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For me though – I am happy with my chaotic and busy weeks…and I hope that my girls see that today and remember it tomorrow as they forge their own path.

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Because for them – being a woman will be hard.

Because for them – being a mum will be hard (if they choose to be one that is).

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So I want them to know – they can be whatever type of woman and mum they want to be.

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Because they will be great.?

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How do I know?

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Because they are surrounded by women who are great.

And this is what I think needs to be recognised and acknowledged every Mother's Day.

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