Mothers (and anyone with a Nurturing Instinct) Make Excellent People Managers

MOTHERS MAKE EXCELLENT PEOPLE MANAGERS

?by Grace Abella -Zata

?The essential job of a people manager is to manage the energies of people and teams so that the targets and objectives of the organization are achieved. It involves nurturing the self-esteem, aspirations and magnanimity of individuals on one hand, and tempering their undisciplined ,unrealistic and selfish tendencies , on the other. All these primal needs and feelings are lodged in the Child Ego State, which is why Mothers (excellent people managers! Moreover, managing teams requires a different set of competencies than merely managing individuals. Who knows more about managing a cauldron of egos and feelings? Who has developed the expertise to deal with??kids who compete with each other for love and recognition, who have to be enticed to share with siblings and among whom fights may unpredictably break out anytime? ?

?So here’s my theory: Unless you realize that the grown-ups in your office are really children wearing grown-up office clothes, you won’t get it. And I mean that in a good way. Ever heard of a mother who looked at her role as a “job where you get paid for the aggravation?”?In my role and avocation as a consultant and researcher, I have heard it said again and again: The most difficult part of the job is managing the dynamics of relationships. So if you want to be a leader of people only for the perks and privileges, forget it. Like motherhood: this is a vocation, not just a job.

?A mother always believes that her children are special. Most often, this belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Essential to your success as a leader is awareness of your core beliefs. ?My most profound realization as a people manager was that everyone wants to do well. ?Who joins a company intending to be a failure? Who wakes up in the morning thinking to themselves “What kind of aggravation can I bring upon my boss and office mates today?” The desire for success is as natural as the desire for air, food and water.! And so, our vocation in this world is TO MAKE OUR PEOPLE SUCCESSFUL.

?But therein lies the rub. ??I did training needs analysis in my first job, and here is what supervisors then wanted to learn: “Paano ba magpasunod ng tao?” (How do you make people do what you want them to do?) ?The world as we knew it in the 70’s has changed beyond recognition, but guess what remains the biggest challenge of people managers? “Bakit kaya ang tigas ng mga ?ulo; ayaw sumunod!” (Why are people so stubborn? Why don’t they do what you want them to do?)??

?Many times, your people will lack the skills and you need to patiently train them and be their cheerleader. How did our kids learn what a hexagon and oblong are? Their mothers showed them pictures and made them repeat the words, and then clapped and hugged them when they showed they could match the word with the symbol. ?As adults, we get better at hiding the appreciation we need, but an experienced people manager knows how potent and powerful recognition can be. ?I remember interviewing lawyers in a consulting firm who said they floated their resumes outside because they were not getting any feedback from their boss about how they were doing.

?I worked with members of a prominent family whose business was being affected by personal conflicts. A 79 year old lady was telling me that until today, she was still getting shortchanged by the family. She tearfully recalled that ??her sister had always been favored by her mother. Fairness and favoritism are big issues in families – and in the workplace. ??Some people actually get jealous and hurt when you praise their teammate and they feel you do not appreciate their equally laudable performance as much.?Our first apo, Illoc has taught me to be aware of such emotional landmines. When our attention would turn to his new baby brother, the corners of his mouth would droop downwards and tears would roll down his cheeks. This does not mean that a parent or leader should encourage such feelings and behavior, but we cannot respond appropriately unless we acknowledge the feelings of our children or team members.

?When we are sick or in pain, don’t we all wish for our mothers???I interviewed a team of IT professionals who were working on a very demanding project which required them to work more than 12 hours a day. They said they could not complain because the big boss did not go home early; he was the first to arrive and the last to go home. He went through the necessary pain with all of them and did his best to lighten their load.?

?When a child acts up, a mother will always try to find out why. Perhaps the child is sleepy or tired? A good boss does the same thing and keeps her ear to the ground. Do not be quick to assume; talk to the erring team member directly. Sometimes, your people have personal problems at home. Or they are feeling overwhelmed or are dealing with negative feelings. Just as a mother firmly guides her child and comes to an agreement for more acceptable behavior, a boss lays down the non-negotiables and provides support where it is needed.

?But sometimes, the truant employee is really just a manipulative and undisciplined child.?If such is the case, be firm and quickly nip the undesirable behavior in the bud. Just as a parent does not wait until their children are grown before instilling discipline, ?a boss needs to set limits of appropriate behavior from the beginning.

?A boss who is perceived as competent, who works at least as hard as the team members , who is ?compassionate but?firm and fair will be able to establish trust, and win the hearts and minds of?people. A mother knows “making people follow what you tell them to do” is not about imposing your will on others. It is all about influence that is won by showing genuine concern and appreciation; being patient and firm, and yes, being self-sacrificing when the situation calls for it. ?

?Today, we celebrate that maternal instinct that makes us not only good mothers (and fathers too), but good bosses as well. Happy Mother’s day to all!

?Grace Zata is Chair of the CESI group, past president of the People Management Association of the Philippines, and a proud glamma.