MOTHERHOOD: a transformational journey…

The postpartum period marks a significant transition in woman's life, bringing about profound changes not only physically but also psychologically. The transformation of self-identity in women following childbirth, is one of the very common themes that accompanies motherhood and is a combination of psychological, social, and cultural factors that contribute to this evolution.

Who am I?…… Identity crisis…

Motherhood is often perceived as a fundamental aspect of female identity, yet the postpartum period can be a time of significant identity disruption and reconstruction. Women may experience a loss of their previous self, grappling with the demands of motherhood while trying to maintain pre-existing aspects of their identity. A concept introduced by anthropologist Dana Raphael, known as "matrescence,", encapsulates the developmental process of becoming a mother, marking the transition to now supporting one’s own dependents and is marked by emotional upheaval, identity renegotiation, and personal growth, similar to adolescence. This transition challenges women's self-concept as they integrate their new role as a mother with their pre-existing identities.

Considering the "identity" concept, which refers to a person’s sense of self, encompassing their beliefs, values, personality, roles, and affiliations, we can get a taste of how life changing this experience could be. Identity demonstrates how individuals perceive and define themselves in relation to the world around them, as such new mothers have to integrate the role of being a mother into their existing sense of self, by reevaluating their priorities, relationships, and life goals.

……the science behind my lost identity….

Identity formation is a complex, dynamic process influenced by cognitive, emotional, social, and environmental factors, all of which are governed by brain activity. The brain plays a central role in identity building, as various structures and regions are involved in shaping our sense of self, by integrating emotions, memories, personal experiences, and social interactions.Research suggests that neurological transformations are crucial in shaping a new mother's self-identity and emotional state though hormonal fluctuations, brain structure alterations, and neuroplasticity. These changes affect brain and mind functions, emotional regulation, and behaviour, contributing to the development of maternal behaviours necessary for infant care and bonding, whilst in such way they shape the ways new mothers perceive and define herself in relation to the newborn. The prefrontal cortex governs reflective and moral aspects of identity, the limbic system provides emotional depth, and the default mode network helps maintain a continuous personal narrative. Together, these systems allow them to form and maintain their personal and social identities.

The postpartum period involves dramatic hormonal shifts that have a substantial impact on brain function and mood regulation.Oxytocin, the "love hormone," that plays a pivotal role in bonding and social behaviors, enhances the mother's ability to connect with her newborn, oestrogen and progesterone, are linked to the regulation of mood and emotional responses and cortisol, the “stress hormone” helps new mothers manage the demands of caring for a newborn. All these changes act as a signal to the transformation that has already begun.Recent studies have shown that pregnancy and the postpartum period induce significant changes in brain structure and function. Gray Matter Volume (responsible for processing information, governing muscle control, sensory perception, and decision-making) is reduced to enhance maternal sensitivity and responsiveness to the baby, prioritising infant care over other tasks and interests. Amygdala, a region involved in emotional processing and threat detection, shows increased activity in new mothers, as it is essential for protecting and responding to the needs of the newborn but can also contribute to heightened anxiety and vigilance, impacting a mother's sense of well-being. Prefrontal Cortex, responsible for decision-making, social behaviour, and impulse control help mothers navigate the complex social dynamics of caregiving, though they can also lead to cognitive shifts that require adjustment.The postpartum brain is also highly plastic, allowing new mothers to adapt to their caregiving roles.The concept of neuroplasticity, is linked to the brain's ability to reorganise and form new neural connections.Three main mechanisms play an important role in the process of adaptation, the Synaptic Pruning in areas related to attachment can enhance a mother's ability to bond with and respond to her infant. Neurogenesis contributes to emotional resilience and cognitive flexibility, aiding mothers in coping with the demands of their new roles. Myelination enhances the speed and efficiency of neural communication, supporting the rapid processing of social and emotional information, crucial for effective parenting. The whole neuronal system undergoes massive reconstructions, maximising the activity and the size of parts of the brain that aid the adjustment to this new reality, resulting at the same time into new ways of thinking, feeling, relating that cultivates the seeds of new identity building.

My environment shapes my new “me”……

Social and relational dynamics play a pivotal role in shaping postpartum self-identity. The support and expectations from partners, family, and friends can significantly influence a mother’s self-perception and confidence in her new role.The dynamic within the couple's relationship also undergoes a transformation. Shifts in responsibilities and time allocation can strain the partnership, requiring renegotiation of roles and expectations.Cultural narratives and societal expectations profoundly shape how women perceive themselves postpartum. Ideals of motherhood vary across cultures, but many share common themes such as self-sacrifice, nurturing, and resilience. These cultural norms can impose unrealistic standards, leading to pressure and guilt when women feel they do not meet these expectations. Media representations of motherhood often perpetuate idealised images, contributing to a sense of inadequacy among new mothers. The portrayal of "supermoms" who balance multiple roles can create unattainable benchmarks, further complicating the identity formation process.

Motherhood, while often depicted as a joyous and fulfilling journey, frequently brings about feelings of guilt and inadequacy. “Standards, expectations, ideals, comparisons and a continuous feeling of failing and inadequacy…”, these are the main themes that arise times and times again when women as new mothers try to build a new sense of themselves and learn new ways to relate to the world around them. A by product of these concepts is the experience of guilt that “ I am not enough”,” I am failing”, “ It is my fault”,” I should be able to do it” and plenty other guilt inducive or demanding messages.

Guilt plays a significant role in how new mothers build their new identity. It can complicate the process of identity formation as it often leads to harsh self-judgment, making it difficult for new mothers to feel confident in their new role. This self-doubt can hinder the integration of motherhood into their identity, as they may struggle to see themselves as capable or worthy. Guilt can drive a desire for perfection in motherhood, leading mothers to set unattainable standards for themselves. This can create a cycle of failure and guilt, where the mother feels she is never "good enough," further complicating her sense of self.

Guilt can create internal conflicts as new mothers try to reconcile their previous identity with their new role. For example, a woman who valued her career highly before motherhood might feel guilty for missing work or guilty for not spending enough time with her child. This can make it difficult to fully embrace the identity of "mother" without feeling like something else is being sacrificed. Finally, guilt is often exacerbated by social pressure and comparison with others. If a new mother feels judged by others (friends, family, society) for her choices or perceived shortcomings, it can make it harder for her to build a positive and authentic identity as a mother.

A concept used in Schema therapy , the “ guilt -inducive critic”, can describe the state most new moms find themselves flipping into when it comes to appraise their actions or themselves as mothers. The guilt-inducing critic refers to the inner voice that puts pressure on the individual to always prioritise the needs and emotions of other people over their own. In essence that would be the ideal partner at this time of their life as the attention shifts towards newborns. However, this critic voice has both guilt inducing and demanding elements in its messages. The expectations to meet other people’s needs and protect other people from painful emotions are very high and unbalanced. The mother’s worth is highly linked to meeting the needs of others, so they might feel really good when they are able to meet the demands of the critic mode but extremely guilty and incapable when they do not. In new mothers, this critic can play a substantial role in the development and perpetuation of guilt. Mothers who are highly self-critical may engage in constant self-monitoring and judgment, leading to feelings of inadequacy and guilt. This self-criticism is often internalised from external sources, such as societal expectations, family pressures, or media portrayals of ideal motherhood (Blatt, 2004).The internalised critic often engages in cognitive distortions, such as "all-or-nothing" thinking, where a mother may believe that if she is not perfect in her role, she is failing entirely. These distorted thoughts fuel feelings of guilt and can lead to rumination, further intensifying these emotions (Joormann et al., 2006).The internalised critic can also impact cognitive functions such as memory, concentration, and motivation. For instance, a mother who is constantly engaging in self-critical thoughts may find it difficult to focus on tasks, leading to impaired concentration and memory. Additionally, the emotional burden of self-criticism can diminish motivation, making it harder for mothers to engage in activities that they previously found fulfilling (Schoofs et al., 2008).Once guilt is triggered, it can lead to a cycle of self-criticism, where the mother continually questions her actions, decisions, and abilities. This cycle reinforces the guilt and makes it more difficult to break free from these negative thought patterns (Moses-Kolko et al., 2014).

While many new mothers experience some level of guilt, it is important to recognise that the intensity and frequency of these feelings can vary. Women who are naturally more prone to perfectionism, conscientiousness, or high self-expectations may experience stronger feelings of guilt when they perceive that they are not meeting their own or others' standards (Donnellan et al., 2005). Cultural norms and values surrounding motherhood significantly impact how guilt is experienced. In cultures where motherhood is idealised and associated with self-sacrifice, women may be more susceptible to intense guilt when they feel they are not living up to these ideals (Choi et al., 2005). The presence of supportive relationships, including partners, family, and friends, can buffer against feelings of guilt. Conversely, a lack of support or critical feedback from others can amplify these feelings (Dennis & Ross, 2006). Mothers who experience postpartum depression or anxiety are more likely to experience heightened feelings of guilt, as these conditions often exacerbate negative self-perceptions and self-criticism (Beck, 2001).

Understanding the multifaceted nature of postpartum identity transformation is essential to support new mothers effectively and create a supportive environment that empowers women to embrace their new roles with confidence and authenticity. While guilt can pose challenges, it can also be a catalyst for growth. By working through feelings of guilt, new mothers can learn to balance different aspects of their identity, set realistic expectations, and develop a more nuanced, compassionate view of themselves. This, in turn, can lead to a stronger, more integrated sense of identity that includes motherhood as a core, but not exclusive, part of who they are. That being said it is also worth noting that there are other emotions ( such as anger, emptiness, resentment, shame, anxiety) present during this process along with guilt, which acknowledging, embracing and working through them.

P.S: Take care of your “little” one Mum!!! ……

Although this phrase may take your mind to your duty to take care of your newborn baby and very understandably so,…. this postscript is a reminder that as a mother you do not only give life to a new human being but you also give birth to a new version of yourself that will remain in you and with you forever…..so make sure that you keep watering this part of yours with compassion, care, kindness and patience so it blossoms.