MOTHERHOOD, CAREER AND — GUILT

In April 2023, I made the leap back into a full-time role after my maternity break. It was an exciting time—Devika was starting playschool, we’d found a wonderful nanny, and Ritesh was balancing his travel plans with frequent work-from-home. It seemed like the perfect setup for me to dive back into the career I had put on hold for two years.

Yet...

Being a working mother often feels like auditioning for the role of a Superwoman, but without the cape and with a hefty dose of guilt.

Picture this: It’s 7:30 AM and I’m desperately trying to get out the door. My three-year-old wakes up and starts having a meltdown seeing me dressed for office. Then comes the wailing and teary-eyed pleas, “Don’t go to the office, stay with me, I don’t like school.” Meanwhile, the phone is ringing off the hook with the regular auto uncle asking, “I’m waiting below your building,” Didi is yelling, “What should I cook for dinner?” and emails are pinging from colleagues and anxious job seekers. Amidst all this, I glance at my clothes and feel like a disaster. The guilt starts early, whispering in my ear, “Why aren’t you more patient? Why didn’t you wake up earlier? Are you really going to wear that?”

This chaotic start often set the tone for my day. Choosing between work and home soon began to feel like a cruel game of tug-of-war, where either way, I was destined to fall flat on my face. Should I stay late at the office for an informal dinner, or rush home to take Devika to play in the garden? Either way, I ended up feeling guilty—a lose-lose situation.

But then, there were those rare times when I managed to pull off a seemingly perfect day. I’d have one of the best days at the office, come home to yummy snacks and a clean living room, the nanny agreed to stay a few extra hours, and I’d muster the energy to dance and play with Devika. I’d think to myself, “Hey, I might just have this under control!” — But then, I’d remember I missed buying the black shoes for the annual event, the laundry hadn’t been done all week, and the guilt would creep back in, reminding me that there’s always something I’m neglecting.

So, it comes as no surprise that my journey this past year was a constant fight with guilt. I thought I’d be able to beat it and emerge as the best version of myself—both at the office and at home. Well, I failed.?

I definitely underestimated my transition back to the workforce and didn’t account for the support I’d need. There were a few knocks that caught me off guard—Devika getting sick frequently, the nanny taking leaves, Ritesh traveling every other week, my energy being consumed by the daily commute, managing five people at home, and two others in the office. It was chaotic, to say the least. However, towards the end of the year, amidst all the craziness, a few things became clear and prompted me to consider an alternative—a more flexible work setting. Is this the right step forward? I can't say for sure, but one thing is certain— the learning will be significant !

Below are a few key takeaways I’ve had while embracing the roller-coaster this last year;

• Exploring alternate work arrangements:

My daily commute consumed a good 3 - 3.5 hours. There were two emergency situations where I needed to get home quickly, but I couldn’t. This got me thinking—what could those additional 3 hours mean to me? Would a remote or a hybrid setup make my life feel a little less chaotic? The answer was yes! Additional hours meant more time for myself, time to exercise, and a little extra time with Devika!

• Having a support system is crucial:

As someone who decided to join an onsite workplace and have no immediate family around to support, enrolling (my then) 1.6yr old in playschool (for 4 hours a day) and employing a part-time nanny made the madness a little more bearable. Trust me, if you have to keep yourself from drowning and feeling miserable—a reliable daycare, house help, nanny, or even having parents/in-laws around is a must.

• Perfection is a myth:

One of the biggest realizations as a working mother is that perfection is unattainable. Trying to be the perfect employee, the perfect mother, and the perfect partner all at once is a recipe for burnout.

• Self-care is non-negotiable:

Recharging your batteries ensures you’re better equipped to handle the demands of both work and motherhood. Personally, for me frequent small? breaks—a staycation at a hotel just 5 km from home, or calling my parents from Bombay for a few days—worked wonders!

• Guilt is inevitable but manageable:

Guilt seems to be a constant companion for working mothers, but learning to manage it is crucial. It’s okay to plop your kid in front of the TV because you just need 20 minutes to yourself or order in food when you’ve had a tiring day and have zero energy to cook. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you care deeply about your roles.

• Celebrating small wins:

In the hustle of daily life, it’s easy to overlook the small victories. Celebrating little things like - reaching office on-time three days in a row or reading a bedtime story without falling asleep first can help keep things positive.

Finally —to all the working moms out there—we’re all navigating this tightrope together, it’s okay to wobble, it’s okay to take a step back to reevaluate,? it’s okay to drop the ball now and then. You’re doing an amazing job!?

And hey, if all else fails, there’s always ice cream and chocolate, right? Thanks for always stocking up the fridge with these, Ritesh!