From Zimbabwe to Australia: Dr. Masi's Insights on Motherhood, Burnout & the Universal Quest for Balance

Being a mother is never an easy task. But being raised in one culture and raising your children in another presents its own unique set of challenges. A few months ago, I had the privilege of delving deep into this topic when I joined Em & Julz in a candid conversation on "The Happy Balance Pod". There, I unravelled my personal odyssey as a mother, bridging the divide between the cultures of Zimbabwe and Australia.

A Heroic Single Mother in Zimbabwe

Let me take you back to my childhood in Zimbabwe. "My mum was 30, three months pregnant with me, and already had three young children when tragedy struck. Her husband, my dad, died suddenly in a car accident." Despite this immense tragedy, our home in Zimbabwe was always filled with warmth and joy.

“My mum was an angel.”

What always strikes me is how my mother, against all odds, remained a beacon of patience and love. "I don't ever recall her being angry at me or raising her voice," I would often find myself urging her during my high school years, "Mum, you need to be stricter with me." Yet she'd calmly reply,

"No, my darling, you just need to apply yourself."

The Angry Mum Phenomenon in Australia

When I moved to Australia for my university studies, I was confronted by a noticeably different parental atmosphere. The frequent sight of the "angry parent" was puzzling. Years later, what shocked me even more was my own transformation into one of those 'angry mums' I'd observed with such bewilderment. "I had the perfect role model in my mum. Why was I echoing the impatience I couldn’t understand in others?"

It was during a particularly gruelling phase in my life that my vision of the mother I had been began to fall apart and, like Humpty Dumpty, it seemed no one could piece it all together. "The times I was losing my temper were stressful. I was a medical doctor, studying for specialist exams, working, and raising children," I confessed. It was a revelation when my performance psychologist, Patsy Tremayne, highlighted my skewed work-life balance. "She showed me the transformative power of scheduling: dedicating time for family, work, and most importantly, for myself." The results? "I passed my exams, my family became happier, and so did I."

My Mission Today

From these personal trials, I've shaped my mission: to advocate the essence of work-life balance. "All that work-life balance was in my blind spot," but now I aim "to bring it to the forefront for all women and mums out there."

Motherhood, in the vivid contrasts of Zimbabwe and Australia, has been a roller-coaster. Yet through every up and down, I've learned, and grown, and now I'm eager to share these insights with you. And while our challenges may differ based on our cultural backgrounds, the underlying themes remain the same. The quest for balance is universal, yet it appears elusive for many. It's my mission to bring that balance into the lives of mothers everywhere.

Navigating the Cultural Divide: My Parental Experience in Zimbabwe and Australia

As a mother who grew up in Zimbabwe and now raises her children in Australia, I've often pondered the vast cultural differences that play a significant role in shaping our experiences. Sharing my insights with Julz during our recent conversation on Parental Burnout, I uncovered a pivotal realisation.

Growing up, I was surrounded by the richness of Zimbabwean culture, which primarily leans towards collectivism. This means the community and collective well-being hold a significant place in our lives. Think of it as an entire village playing a role in the upbringing of a child. The support system is vast – it's not just immediate family but also extended family members, friends, and neighbours. The Western culture of Australia, on the other hand, leans more towards individualism. It emphasises individual goals, achievements, and independence.

And this cultural contrast resonates deeply when talking about parental burnout. Experts from Belgium, Isabelle Roskam & Mo?ra Mikolajczak, carried out extensive research which showed a significant finding: burnout is more prevalent in individualistic societies. The reason? The overwhelming pressure of "I can do this on my own."

Reflecting on my Zimbabwean roots, I remember my mum, a single mother who worked and raised four children. However, she was never alone. She had her siblings, especially her sisters, who played an essential role in our upbringing. They supported each other in times of need and shared responsibilities. During holidays, we spent time with our aunts; when my grandma was unwell, she stayed with different siblings. This collective way of living ensured that there was always someone around to lend a helping hand.

Fast forward to Australia. Despite being more empowered and having an array of opportunities, I sometimes feel the weight of not having that extended familial support. The individualistic nature can be isolating, especially when you crave the communal embrace I grew up with. It's not just about missing the helping hand; it's about the profound emotional connection and the safety net that the Zimbabwean culture provided.

Julz's reflection resonated with me. Creating a 'support village' becomes critical. And while it may be challenging to ask for help, establishing a reciprocal relationship can be a way forward. As parents, we must be proactive and intentional in creating a network that offers tangible support.

But it's also about trust. Trust in our community, trust in our friends, and trust in ourselves to know when to ask for help. Remember, prevention is always better than cure. Embrace your village, be it in Zimbabwe, Australia, or anywhere in the world. And always remember that you're not just a parent – nurture your personal, professional, and relationship self. After all, it takes a village not only to raise a child but to nurture a parent too.

Achieving Work-Life Flow in An Individualistic Society: My 5 Personal Tips from a Collectivist Culture

Navigating the intricacies of work-life flow, especially as a mother and a woman in leadership, is a journey filled with challenges. In our Sunday Inspirational Stories (SIS) series, I wanted to share my personal experience and the valuable lessons I've gleaned from my upbringing in a collectivist culture, which could offer guidance for those of us in individualistic societies.

So, what do I mean by "work-life flow"? Unlike the static notion of "balance", which implies an equal distribution or a constant state, "flow" signifies fluidity and flexibility. It's about effortlessly transitioning between work and personal responsibilities, ensuring each gets its deserved attention, but not necessarily in equal measure. Life is dynamic, and our needs vary from one moment to the next. Work-life flow recognises and honours these shifting requirements.

1. Lean on Family Support:

Growing up in Zimbabwe, I saw firsthand how crucial the extended family was in our day-to-day lives. My mum, a single parent with four children, heavily depended on her siblings. I have fond memories of holidays with my aunts and carpooling adventures with cousins. These collective efforts significantly lightened the load for my mum, promoting a smoother flow between

work and personal life. While it may be challenging to replicate this in individualistic cultures, the principle remains the same: Lean on your family, be it immediate or chosen, for support.

2. Prioritise and Let Go:

There's a beauty in acknowledging that we can't do everything and that's okay. As I transitioned to life in Australia, it was vital for me to introspect and identify my non-negotiables in both work and personal life. For instance, while I wanted to be present for my children's school events, I couldn't be a part of every parent-teacher association meeting. It's about making choices that align with your values and being comfortable with them.

3. Cultivate Reciprocal Relationships:

In Zimbabwe, family means a lot. This is encompassed in the popular neighbouring Zulu principle of the 'Ubuntu' (I am because you are), which underscores our way of African life. Relationships are not one-sided. There's a mutual give and take. In our pursuit of work-life flow, we can embed this principle by building supportive relationships in our community. Babysitting co-ops, carpooling, or even meal exchanges are just some of the ways we can mutually support each other.

4. Embrace Flexibility:

Flow means adaptability. In a world where rigid 9-5 schedules are slowly becoming obsolete, it's about finding what works best for you and your family. For some, it might mean early morning work hours followed by afternoon family time. For others, it might mean segmented work hours.

5. Self-care Isn't Selfish:

Lastly, and most importantly, remember that taking care of yourself is not an indulgence but a necessity. I've learned the hard way that neglecting personal well-being eventually disrupts the flow in all other areas of life. Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, be it reading, meditation, a spa day, or just a simple walk.

Achieving work-life flow is an ongoing journey, not a destination. It's about tuning into our needs and ensuring our actions align with our values. As we traverse this path, let's not forget the wisdom our roots offer, be they from Zimbabwe, Australia, or any other corner of the world.

Personal growth, maternal challenges, and the cultural influences that shape them – Navigating personal evolution, the complexities of motherhood, and the impact of cultural backgrounds – my story is not just about the challenges but also about the lessons learned.

Whether you're from the sprawling landscapes of Africa or the vibrant heart of Sydney, the journey towards balance and connection is one we all share. As I've discovered, it's less about perfect equilibrium and more about building strong relationships, caring for oneself, and flowing with life's unpredictable tides.

Embrace work-life flow, and let's make your success healthy & happy!

Dr. Masi

Disclaimer: The content in this newsletter and related LinkedIn posts is for informational purposes only and not medical advice. Views expressed are those of Dr. Masi Njawaya and Herself Health and not any official organisation. Consult a healthcare professional for personalised advice. Use this information at your own risk.