The Mother of All Pipe Dreams

“I just want to help people…”

It shouldn’t be too hard to recall the sheer volume of times you’ve *heard* & *parroted* that phrase, hoping it’d be the key to unlocking future possibilities.

‘The mother of all pipe dreams.’

That’s what I call it anyway… because in reality, this kind of thinking gets you nowhere. ?? FAST! And yet, that’s a common answer fast tracking many wanderers straight into stuckness. Although ‘clearly’ articulating WHAT they want to do, they seem to stumble over HOW they’re planning to express this desire.

A typical exchange tends to look a little something like this:

YOU: Gosh, thanks for offering to listen. At the moment, I’m feeling pretty stuck. I keep putting myself out there [in business, relationships, life], but there’s no takers. ?? I’m feeling so frustrated because really, I just want to help people…

ME: It took a long time for things to come together for me, too. Okay, I’d love to help where I can. Tell me, what do you do -or- want to do next?

YOU: Like I said, I just want to help people…?

ME: Oh… ?? How exactly do you imagine that unfolding?

YOU: I’ve heard [x,y, & z] tend to work well for others. Maybe something like that? I’m not picky, as I’ve said, I’ll take anything. Since you’re well connected, can’t you make magic happen & poop out a sparkle-genie-miracle? ?? You know me; this isn’t too difficult a task… you go on & make it happen; I’ll be forever grateful.

ME [THINKING]: OH, NO! WATCH OUT: ‘BERG AHEAD! YOUR THINKING’S BEEN OUTSOURCED; YOUR MIND’S BEEN HIJACKED! YOU’RE HEADED STRAIGHT FOR… *SHEEPLE FALLS*!

ME [Calm, cool, & composed]: What I’m wondering is how you’re presenting yourself in conversation. ?? What is it, specifically, you’re interested in helping people with & through? How does that match up with how you spend your every day?

Have you heard the saying: ‘if you’re talking to everyone, you’re talking to no one’? ?? I wonder if you’re throwing down a bunch of noise & all that’s coming through the receiver is static.

Perhaps no one can help you because you’ve not yet helped yourself.

I wonder what you’re thinking right now…

Are you growing increasingly frustrated?

?? I remember feeling frustrated, too.

In fact, a year ago today–July 14, 2021–I shared some questions I’d been stuck on with Geoff Marlow, Executive Director at Aligned Agility. Questions like: What does right even look like anyway? How did you ‘create your own thing’? Did it simply emerge out of thin air?

All I could think about was, ‘What am I possibly missing?!’ I’ve looked everywhere. ?? Turned over a bunch of stones, shook tons of trees, plucked nearly all the low-hanging fruit, & *still* I’m no closer to answering the double-whammy of a question: What do I do & how do I do it?

‘This is ridiculous!’ ?? …but was it? Confused minds say no.

I was initially impressed by Geoff’s facilitation of “Creating a Future Fit Culture” hosted on EQ Lab’s Dialogic Cafe (BETA) in March 2021. ?? To me, Dialogic Cafe is a cohort-based learning & innovation leadership development lab where all kinds of interesting thinkers, who are often practitioners, share creative & emergent insights to see what was once unimaginable futures. In Geoff’s case, I believe his intention is to shift people’s thinking around “[creating] a future-fit culture where sense making, decision making & action taking are ever more tightly coupled, rapidly and repeatedly iterated, deeply embedded, and widely distributed throughout the organisation.”

A worthy endeavor considering how disconnected & fragmented organizational life–and perhaps life in general–seem to be today. ?? ?? Creating a sense of coherence from the ground UP; *not* the other way around. Yet, that’s often what we see, isn’t it? Top-down directives, regulatory bodies ‘who know what’s best for us’, culturally imposed ‘ways of existing’, society telling us what to think, the news impressing upon us how we’re supposed to feel.

All of it’s a little foreign to me. ?? Quite honestly, I’m pretty detached.

Detached, yet still yearning for *expert* advice that’d solve my most painful problems. Geoff, the person I’d outsourced my thinking to a year ago today, gave me the most useless information ever. It didn’t get me even an inch closer to resolving any of my biggest problems.

?? Geoff shared this bit of wisdom:

“You have to do it on your own. But that doesn't mean you have to do it alone.”

If I were to have died at or around that time, my dying would *not* have been due to a global pandemic, sensational shortage, or even some weird freak accident. Nope; my dying would have been a comedic tragedy. If expressed in the form of a play, it’d be titled:? *Death By Pity Party: A Total Sulk Fest*

Don’t worry; I already know what you’re thinking. You’d never go see the performance because it sounds like a snore fest with a slow moving plot. The trouble is… you’re right. ?? I’m no farther along today than I was then. Since that’s what Geoff shared a year ago, why does it seem like I’m drifting along out at sea with a rudderless boat & without a paddle?

Oh no! PULL UP! ?? Get that head out of the sand…

You know, it’s never too late to course correct. I’m beginning to realize that’s precisely the kind of thinking that’ll suck me back into this [non]sense loop of going nowhere fast! ?? Because the truth is I’ve accomplished plenty. Let me explain…

?? I found a useful tool which helps walk people through their specific brand of awesome & then got certified to use within my practice. I enjoyed the certification process so much I audited the author’s most recent 8-week coach certification program to fill in any knowledge gaps I may have missed initially. I’ve also hand-picked a few select individuals to experiment integrating within my immersive style & approach; a mutually beneficial endeavor.

? I’ve created an increasingly enriching weekly routine wherein I meet regularly with a curated selection of my favorite people & groups; sparking intellectual musings and new ways of seeing & thinking. To me, that’s a super important aspect of life which many tend to overlook: new ways of seeing & thinking. Not so long ago, the smartest people on the planet used to think that learning stopped at a certain age. We’ve moved on from that fallacy, yet still there’s a stubborn habitual remnant wherein people stop learning new things in their adult years. And what we know *for sure* is a muscle that’s not used atrophies.

?? Last year, I believed I was only capable of doing *one* important task a day. Anymore than that & I’d be in danger of setting myself up for failure. There were several periods during that time where I hadn’t even accomplished my one thing. ?? Stupid hindsight… it was only later I’d realized what I was reinforcing & embedding into my thinking patterns–like a tick–was something that kinda resembled a negative belief cycle. It’s not so easy cultivating that *attitude of gratitude* you hear everyone rambling on about; it just feels so foreign. And then my outlook shifted. Maybe it was my husband like a broken record on repeat parroting “you can do *more* than one thing, you know…” and others annoyingly encouraging me to “take inventory & ‘track my [fill in the blank]’” did I begin to recognize & start to appreciate what I *was* getting done each day. Admittedly, sometimes it was a 3-hour mid-day nap—which *did* happen to be the most important thing on that particular day. ?? I suppose I was learning–painfully–the practice of grace.

But everything wasn’t always puppies & baseball on a hot summer’s day. There were plenty of stumbles, too. Defeating blows that rocked my confidence & made me seriously question what the hell I’m even doing in life… I’m soliciting all this help & at the end of the day, no one’s *really* listening. ?? Because if they were, they’d take action & do something about it, right?

I just want to help people, is that so much to ask?!

Why, yes, yes it is.

I can’t help someone who isn’t willing to *first* help themselves. The inverse is true, too. No one can help me if I’m not first willing to help myself.

Life isn’t a free ride, you know. ?? All ups & no downs? That’s a myth. A long time ago, I heard this phrase & it's stuck with me to this day: life‘s synonymous with change. Perplexing isn’t it? Culturally, we’ve attached ourselves to narratives which no longer serve us. And since many of us might not have the greatest relationship with change, experimentation, & uncertainty, we’re sitting in what feels like a tight spot. ?? For me personally, feeling quite squeezed but with no juice was–scratch that, *is*–a stressful situation; & as you can imagine, I’ve been stressed out.

Regardless of how I’m feeling, life rolls on. Whether I do anything or not, help someone or no one… life rolls on. Yet, I provocate it’s the space *between* the high points that moves the needle most sustainably. The micro habits & tiny life lessons we pick up along the way; how that helps to shape us into valuable contributing members of our global society.

Daily evolution might seem insignificant today; yet, if we make space & zoom out by adopting a wider lens, perhaps we’re able to make sense of how we may affect change for good. ?? Someone I admire shared these hashtags yesterday which I feel are relevant today, too. Maybe even an enriching mantra for life: brick by brick, day by day, keep moving, keep dreaming.

Feeling frustrated as ever, I've tried relentlessly over the last 12 months to partner & collaborate my way to finding *my life’s* purpose & meaning. Loads of failures later & what I’ve realized is 2 things:

?? I’m scared to go it alone

? I question if I trust myself

And so, equipped with last years’ lessons & realizing I'll never truly be ready, I’m setting out on a new quest: a quest to *help myself*. And it starts with revisiting where I’ve been.

Remember those words of wisdom from Geoff when he’d shared “you have to do it on your own. But that doesn't mean you have to do it alone”? Well, yesterday I sent Geoff a LinkedIn message asking if he’d be alright if I shared a little about our early experience knowing one another. ?? After a little back & forth banter, he acquiesced. What he shared with me I’d like to share with you now.

GEOFF [Scoffing]: "Useless information"..? - That there's profound wisdom. I only give that to the most worthy...??

ME [Paraphrasing]: ?? Uh huh, yeah, sure…

GEOFF: Actually my advice was kind of emulating my wonderful spiritual teacher Dadi Janki, who died aged 104 just before the pandemic. I used to go to her for advice and she'd say "Dadi likes our relationship - and how we talk about these things. As to your question, I will meditate on it - and you should also".

It took me awhile to "get" what she was up to. The only real answers come from within. But I know you get that.

Yeah, I get that *now*... Forgive me, Geoff; clearly I’m a slow learner. ??

Sometimes life's most obvious lessons are those staring us square in the face; the ones *hiding in plain sight*. I've started to consider maybe they're not hiding at all… instead, within arms reach are a world full of novel experiences ripe for the picking. ?? Yet, it's *us* who resist the call to adventure.

We're stagnating, stuck in a "I just want to help people" loop. ?? Well, it's time to name & claim our adventures; connecting the adventures we've most enjoyed to how we show up & take action today.

What I've realized is the parts of me I've been running from–what feels like a fractured & disconnected lifestyle–are things other people struggle with, too.

Maybe now's the time to overcome my personal fears & step out of my own way. ?? Begin to walk the story I'm living - with purpose & intentionality.

Although I must do the work myself, I'm not alone in the journey.

It's time to create coherence in my life's narrative.

It's time to usher in a brighter tomorrow.

??????

Are you with me?

??