The Mother Of All Dilemmas

No.191: 8th April 2024

Hi, it’s David here.

This week’s School of Athens is written by Hollie Fraser, Member of the BeenThereDoneThat Expert Network, and is all about the art of balancing parenthood and freelance life.

When we started our Expert Network, we had people exactly like Hollie in mind. We pride ourselves on a model that, even in an ever changing world, continues to be a way of working that works for everyone. As always, we are curious to hear what you think.

David Alberts

Co-Founder and Chief Vision Officer at BeenThereDoneThat

Hi, it’s Hollie here.

We shouldn’t have to go freelance just because we become parents, but it seems that’s the only way out.

It’s a place many often end up in, rather than choose. The commitments of kids and a desire for flexibility -??when the need for better, smarter and quicker ways of working becomes a necessity.

It’s where I found myself, in 2021, when I was pregnant with my second child, I was trying to shape a life that gave me the ability to have kids and a career. The lifelong dream right - be a successful Creative Director and present parent.

But as Shonda Rhimes said,?“Women Can Have it All, But Not at the Same Time.”

I’ve learned along the way that Shonda might be right. We can have A LOT of what we want - creative fulfilment and a fun family life - if we’re willing to take an ego reset and check our status at the door.

Yes, being a freelance parent in the industry comes with lots of challenges, but also offers plenty of rewards. There's truly a sense of fulfillment and empowerment that comes with thriving as a freelance parent - the flexibility, the ability to be there for school pick up, being fully present for the carnage and chaos of bed time.

Balancing work and parenting requires discipline and time management skills. You certainly have to have an innate ability to tune your mind from parent-mode to presentation-mode instantaneously. There are days when my meetings collide with my husband’s meetings, and school pick-up looms. But, it’s amidst the mayhem and the deadlines that there's a sense of fulfilment and empowerment that comes with thriving as a freelance parent. And here are a few key things I’ve learned to crack the code:

Be transparent & don’t be afraid to set boundaries.

Recently, I was asked to present my work to a client, it was a last minute request I hadn’t planned for in my schedule.

Now, I don’t mess with client presentations. I need space, silence and good wifi.

It was a 3:30pm call… this immediately induced anxiety. So, I said… “Look, I collect my kid at 3:10pm.” I can make it to a cafe with him in time for a 3:30pm call and dial in from there.

My son is 4 and Mario Kart obsessed (so he would happily play for an hour on my phone.) and needs must.

The agency said, as long as I’m comfortable with that, they were totally happy.

My kid sat happily, until he inevitably wanted to show his face on screen, as all kids do when parents are on Zoom. But it was smooth sailing. Clients loved the work, the agency was happy, grateful in fact, and Shy guy beat Luigi in Mario Kart - all round win win.

It’s in these moments you realise that there are people (and agencies) that are far more adaptable than we give them credit for. And we may be jumping to conclusions that aren’t always true.

Let go of perfectionism.

My wonderful retired parents take my kids twice a week, they are the best support we could ask for. But also, they love to travel, so there’s weeks when Tuesdays and Thursdays become the wild west.

In this extreme pressure has come a boiling and bubbling up of enhanced creativity. From maximising productivity to thinking outside the box and finding innovative solutions to everyday challenges that my children need help with - it’s honed my ability to think creatively and adapt to ever-changing circumstances.

3:30-6pm becomes a strict ‘No meeting zone', because someone is bound to lose an eye. But between myself and my husband, who’s now also freelance, we dance the most beautiful of tangos… seamlessly dipping in and out of meetings and childcare.

Of course, there are moments of guilt and self-doubt that come with juggling multiple roles. Am I spending enough quality time with my children? Am I still giving too much to my work?

It's easy to fall into the trap of comparison, especially in the age of social media where everyone's life is on display. But I've learned to let go of perfectionism and embrace the messy, beautiful madness that is freelancing as a parent.

Finally, find Your Balance.

I've learned to embrace the ebb and flow of freelance life, it truly is feast and famine. And it’s when you’re the most busy, that the kids will get sick or your childcare falls through.

Recognising that you have to pivot at the last second, and probably in the way you least expected, and being ok with it will not just get you through the day, but help keep you sane.

Because ultimately, thriving as a freelance parent is about finding balance and prioritising what matters most.

It's about carving out time for both work and play, for deadlines and dance parties, it’s about embracing the unpredictability of freelance life while nurturing a sense of stability and security for my family. And through it all, it's about finding joy in the chaos of the journey, versus chasing an artificial ideal.

Hollie Fraser?

Freelance Creative Director and Member of the BeenThereDoneThat Expert Network

Supporting Articles

1. A community for For freelance parents trying to make flexible working work

2. I shouldn’t need a nanny just to work in an ad agency

3. Faye Dicker is a freelance Voiceover artist who runs The “mother of all networking” groups.

4. A newsletter brought to you by Kevin Maguire. "Like one big group text with other guys fumbling their way through fatherhood." — Esquire

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