The Most Powerful Question

What would you do if you woke up in the middle of February and discovered your furnace had just died? Well that’s what happened to me a few years ago, but let me share how it proved to be one of the greatest turning points in my business.

First things first: it had snowed the night before and without heat, there was frost gathering on the INSIDE of our windows. Our museum-relic of a furnace needed to be fixed, and fast! After calling around to get professional opinions, several repair guys came and unanimously confirmed my worst fears: the furnace had officially departed to the “Appliance Store In The Sky” and was not coming back. I needed a new furnace, and of all the guys I met, I decided on DJ Thayne from “Circle D HVAC” to do the job.

The next morning DJ showed up, and in a quick few hours, the fossil was out, and the new 21st century furnace was in and humming away. Watching DJ work his magic was like watching the Michelangelo of HVAC systems! He made the difficult and technical look like an art form, and clearly took pride in his work. More importantly, heat pumped through the house and the frost on the windows began to melt.

That’s when it happened.

Grateful for his help and expertise, I struck up a conversation about his business. I wanted to help him succeed! I was about to ask my normal question, “how can I help you in your business?” but I stopped. I didn’t quite know enough, and felt I needed to be more curious instead. So I asked something entirely different:

“DJ, what is the biggest obstacle you are facing?”

He paused, taken aback by the question. A client had never asked him this before, or cared enough to dig deep. Putting his tools down, DJ opened up about his REAL struggles and the looming challenges he was facing. It was real, and heartfelt. I simply listened and after he had finished, we stood in my kitchen and brainstormed ideas that would help.

Looking at me, he said, “I think you need to meet some of my other business friends. They would definitely benefit from your ideas.” I accepted, and a week later found myself in a local conference room being kindly introduced to the group by DJ. I happened to sit next to a real estate agent named Brandon Thomas, and struck up a conversation. As he shared about his business and background, I once again decided to put curiosity to the test: “So what’s the biggest obstacle you’re facing right now?” And just like DJ, Brandon sat back and looked at me differently.

He opened up and shared his struggles and challenges, and we made a genuine connection. And just like DJ, he said, “You know, I think we should grab lunch. There are some people I want to introduce you to…” And over the next several months, Brandon went out of his way to make introductions to influential people that changed my life in the very best of ways.

Today, I can confidently say my business has more than doubled because of the contacts and relationships I formed with the help DJ and Brandon. And they happened (in part) because I took the time to invest in curiosity first.

(Photo: DJ’s awesome truck. You know HVAC systems tremble in fear when that shows up…)

What does this have to do with influence and success?

Curiosity is the gateway to connection, but so often we miss critical opportunities because we ask the wrong questions. For example, have you ever asked a struggling person, “How can I help?”

Nothing is inherently wrong with that question. Its sincere, and makes US feel good because we are offering to help. Except for the fact that it puts the burden of the solution on the shoulders of someone who is already drowning. It would be certainly strange for you to walk into a Doctor’s office, explain your difficult illness, and have the physician ask, “So what do you want me to prescribe?”

I don’t know, that’s your job! I’m the one who is sick!

When we ask, “How can I help?” Can you see how that sometimes makes things worse, not better?

What if we invested in curiosity instead?

When we take the time to be curious, not only do we get better information from another person, better yet, we create connection. We also influence people on a deeply emotional level. Which is precisely what the question “So what’s the biggest obstacle you’re facing right now?” does.

It places me on THEIR side of the table. I am ushered into THEIR inner world. I get to see and feel THEIR perspective as they candidly assess their struggles. “How can I help?” is really about me. But “what’s the biggest obstacle you’re facing right now?” makes it about them.

Does it take more time? Absolutely. Does it sometimes open the door for uncomfortable topics? Yes. But on the flip side, does it communicate my interest in a way that genuinely helps them? 100%.

And people can feel the difference. Have you ever been in situations where people offered help out of politeness and propriety. By contrast, have you also been in situations when someone showed up, suited up, and was ready to get elbow deep in the pile of crap you found yourself in. Which of these people genuinely made the biggest difference in your life and soul? Who would you recommend to a friend facing similar struggles?

To put it simply, “what’s the biggest obstacle you’re facing right now?” is the fastest question for connection I know. This little investment in curiosity opens the door for connection, and in turn makes people want to re-invest in you.

Just ask DJ, Brandon, and my new furnace.

• Christian

CHRISTIAN HANSEN has gone behind the scenes in some of the biggest organizations in the world to find out the reasons why some people get chosen and why others don’t. As the #1 bestselling and LinkedIn Top Ten ranked author of “The Influence Mindset: The Art & Science of Getting People to Choose You” Christian helps teams and organizations who want increase their earning potential by standing out from the crowd and influencing people to choose them. With degrees from Brigham Young University and The London School of Economics, he’s helped thousands of individuals position and sell themselves. A fan of international communication, history, and choral music, he currently lives in Utah with his wife. Reach him at: TheChristianHansen.com